Ride
by whistlewhileyouwrite
Summary: Jay Halstead has always been good at undercover, but then he met her. Erin Lindsay managed to give him one look and she suddenly had the power to make this all go south. The question was: could he handle it, and her? Linstead AU
1. Chapter 1

Hey all! New story, okay! This one I have been writing for a while but as with everything, finally posting it here! Because I am so far along with this, updates will be fairly frequent until I am caught up to what I have posted on Tumblr. I will say the beginning is shorter, but I promise it's not gonna be like this for long!

Before I get into this, I just wanna say one thing: please review stories. Not just mine, but any writer of any fandom. We don't do this for money or popularity, we do it because we want to. It's a form of expression, or stress relief, or simply because we enjoy sharing it with others. Yeah, it sucks that these stories are the only way we're getting our fix of our favorite characters now, but please, take the little extra time to drop a little word about your thoughts to a story. It doesn't have to be a lengthy review, even something simple will suffice, or an anonymous message, or sliding into those DMs (yes I suck, humor me) goes a long way. Reviews mean the world to writers, and taking as little as 30 seconds after reading helps us. We want to hear that you enjoy it, because it helps us enjoy writing more. So, if you want to see more of your favorites stories and authors, review! Review, review, review, cause it means the world.

Thanks guys, and enjoy!

* * *

Jay Halstead stared down at his phone, watching Allie's name flash up on the display. He couldn't bring himself to end it – ending their relationship and her subsequent never-ending worry that surrounded his job. The same job that he wouldn't trade for the world, and would willingly end his relationship with his high school sweetheart for. He had already put her through enough.

But here he was almost ten years later, and she was still there. She was there when he was overseas, his rookie years with the CPD, and now as a detective in the Intelligence Unit.

It was that unit that led him to the situation he's in now.

* * *

"Hey Halstead, you man up yet?" Antonio Dawson asked from across the room.

Jay simply rolled his eyes. That comment was a running joke he had with the guys in his unit. They knew he had been dating Allie for almost six years, had known her for longer, but he had yet to pop the question. And every time they asked, he himself wondered why he hadn't.

They had been dating since their senior year in high school, and she had been through every deployment, his time at the academy and as a rookie cop in the CPD, and now as a detective in one of the CPD's top units. It wasn't that he didn't love her, they lived together for God's sakes, but he feared it was because he didn't want her to become a cop's wife.

His train of thought ended when his sergeant's gruff voice echoed through the bullpen.

"Got a new case," he began as he slapped a candid picture onto the white board outside his office.

"Meet Jordan Reyes, newest member of Chicago's black market. Word is he sells and traffics everything: guns, girls, drugs, you name it. Wasn't as big of a problem until last night."

Voight's words were punctuated as he slapped another picture up, this time one of two girls face down on the concrete.

Jay tried to keep his emotions in check, but the thoughts of that bastard doing that made his blood boil.

"Homicide caught the case, but passed it onto Vice, who brought this to my desk. Girls are both juniors at Northwestern. They were supposedly out with friends and approached by Reyes. What happened after is a mystery.

"But lucky for us, we've got the go ahead to take it undercover, so Halstead, my office," Voight said before turning to his office.

It caught Jay a little off guard, but he wasn't worried. He knew his skill set and undercover was one of them. So, he followed his sergeant into his office, listened as he explained that he was going to be a buyer for weapons. While his real name wasn't going to be used, they were gonna play up the military background. But the entire time Voight was talking, he had one thought in the back of his mind: Allie.

It was then that he realized he needed to end this, to save her from a life of misery. She deserved better, and that didn't involve sitting alone wondering if he was going to walk through their door every night.

He took in the words Voight was saying, making a mental note as well to read through the file very thoroughly after.

"Jay, I don't want to put you through this, but you're all I've got. If we weren't going with the military background, I may have used Antonio or even Ruzek. But you are the best I've got, regardless."

Jay nodded in understanding, asking a few follow up questions before taking the file and retreating to the breakroom for the rest of the day to learn his new identity. He hadn't realized the day had gone by so quickly until Voight stopped by to tell him to go home.

Home, that's when he realized. He had to tell Allie what was going on. Because you can't exactly tell your girlfriend of almost seven years, who you also live with, that you're leaving to go live somewhere else for who knows how long and they can't know why. No, you can't do that.

He didn't notice Voight still standing there until his gruff voice broke the silence in the break room.

"Halstead, you're a good guy. You can't keep this a secret, but you cannot divulge every detail of this op. If she really loves you, she will understand."

Jay simply nodded, not trusting his voice to agree with his sergeant of not.

"Go home, kid," Voight said before disappearing.

For once, he followed his sergeant's orders, grabbing the files in front of him, his jacket and heading out to his truck.

* * *

Sleep never came that night. Allie was already asleep when he got home, something that was incredibly rare, but she had texted him almost two hours prior to leaving the district that she was going to bed early. He had mentally celebrated and cursed the fact that the one night he hoped she was waiting, she had gone to sleep.

Allie usually left after him, and due to his very early appearance at the district to get this op underway, he simply left a note. A fucking note, explaining that he was going undercover, that he couldn't call, and would be home when he could. At the last second, he added that he wouldn't blame her if she left him, because this op held zero promises and that he loved her.

It was still dark when he pulled into the parking lot outside the district. He knew that Voight and Antonio would be waiting for him. Mouse might be there, but if he knew his best friend, and he did, he left all the tech stuff he needed out with detailed instructions, so he could get a little extra shut eye.

Just as he thought, he saw a paper on his desk along with an older looking phone, a different set of keys, and a belt he knew was rigged up with a mic. The desk light at Antonio's desk was turned on and his jacket hanging from the chair, signaling he was there. Jay dumped his own jacket into his chair before heading to get coffee before he was thrown into this operation.

As expected, Voight and Antonio were both in his boss's office. He didn't bother with formalities or interrupting, just walked in and sat down on the couch under the window.

"Sure Halstead, make yourself at home," came Voight's voice, but Jay just glared at him before taking a sip of his crap coffee. He knew his sergeant didn't mean it.

"Why do undercover operations have to start so early?" Jay said to no one in particular.

Both men laughed before silence took over the room.

"You ready for this?" Antonio asked.

Jay simply started down at the coffee cup in his hands. The entire drive to the district this morning had him thinking that this op would be different, but not necessarily in a bad way. And if his time in the Army taught him anything, it was to trust his gut.

"Let's do this."


	2. Chapter 2

**Here's the next part! Enjoy and leave comments and thoughts!**

* * *

Jay stood in the center of the kitchen of his home for the next few months. It was rather bare, but he wasn't expecting to stay here forever. The whole purpose of the place was to give him a place to eat and sleep and do his other business while he was undercover. He was waiting for one of Al's CIs who could get him an in with Reyes.

Something in his gut told him this case would be different, that this time undercover wouldn't end like usual. No, he wasn't nervous, but instead felt like this case just may have a good ending.

Luckily, the ringing of his phone broke his thoughts before he could let himself go too far.

"This Baker?" the voice on the other end asked. Jay paused briefly, having to catch himself for once and process that he was Baker, that it was his name at the moment.

"Yeah, man," he replied. He couldn't afford to screw this up so quickly. He knew better than that.

"So, I heard you're good. And we're good for tomorrow. You got the stuff?" the guy, who introduced himself as Jared with no last name, responded.

"Yeah, I've got everything," everything being the $10,000 cash upfront for the simple meeting with Reyes. In another life, being a ruthless black-market dealer was a decent job. Not bad money at all.

"Ok good," Jared said. The guy sounded nervous, but hey, he was probably on something that was most likely getting him through this conversation and the following day.

"Just one thing," Jared added, "do whatever he says, or whatever anyone says. If you say no, they'll suspect something's up."

He could do that, that was easy. But what was he getting himself into?

* * *

The following morning came too early for Jay. For one, he barely slept, the ratty mattress nothing like the memory foam his body was used to. But not all undercover ops can be luxurious.

The best part of this operation just might be that his wardrobe is relatively the same as his normal day-to-day. No new and uncomfortable outfits that looked like something Ruzek would wear. He felt like Jay, which honestly made it easier to keep this image up.

It was close to 8:30 when Jay realized he needed to get a move on. This first meeting was apparently at Reyes's penthouse on Michigan Avenue. Again, not bad for an illegal job.

Although, this time around, Jay had no objections to the car the district gave him. When Voight first handed over the keys, he made a mental note that at the end, if he was successful, to try and get this car of something like it, as his issued car. There was nothing like the smell of a brand-new pickup to get him somewhat excited about this.

It didn't take long to get to the complex, and based on the fidgety guy standing in front, he guessed that was Jared, meaning he was in the right place.

Time to get this started.

"Hey man," Jay said as he exited the car. Jared's head turned towards him, assessing the guy he knew to be a cop.

"What's up?" Jay replied sticking his hand out for a handshake, hoping his casualness calmed him a little. It didn't.

"Let's go," Jared said, turning to head into the building. Jay could only hope this guy didn't blow this for them.

The ride up the elevator was rather short, and next thing he knew, the doors opened to a room Jay wished he could afford to live in. He needed to reevaluate his life.

"Hey guys," Jared said, nodding to the two guys standing in the room. They didn't move or say anything, but their eyes locked onto Jay, analyzing the new guy that walked in.

They didn't have to wait long before the double doors leading to what Jay assumed was the bedroom opened, revealing a guy in slacks and a button up who clearly meant business. This had to be Reyes.

"Jared," he began, "I heard you brought me a new client,"

Jared just nodded and motioned behind him to Jay, "Chase Baker."

It was then Jay stepped forward, not moving to offer his hand. Just nodded his head and kept his face blank, just like he had back during his military days. He didn't know if he should be thankful or not that it was so easy for him to slip back into those traits.

"Heard your ex-military? Looking for something new?" Reyes replied, clearly trying to get a read on this guy who just walked into his home.

"Yeah man," he spoke up, "made some contacts during my time overseas. Got some guys looking for military grade stuff, off the market and untraceable."

"Well, you've come to the right place," Reyes spoke with a chuckle at the end. This guy was a smug son of a bitch. He clearly knew his worth.

"What are you looking for?" he asked, making his way to the bar he had set up in the corner of the room.

"Want some?" he asked, motioning to the bottle of what he assumed to be whiskey.

 _Say yes_ , he remembered from last night.

"Yeah, that'd be great," he replied, moving more into the room from where he had been. Jared still stood by the elevator doors, but Jay couldn't blame the guy.

"Mostly assault rifles," Jay began, the words rolling off his tongue easily, his mind silently thanking his extensive weapons training, "got a few looking for personal weapons, but there's not that many."

"Well then," Reyes responded, taking a seat on the couch and motioning for Jay to follow, "let's talk business."

The conversation with the arms dealer went surprisingly well, but then again, Voight and Antonio probably tasked him as a weapons buyer because of his extensive knowledge. They knew he could keep up and there would be very little slip ups.

Almost an hour had gone by when Reyes stood up, his hand out to Jay.

"I think this is the beginning of a great partnership, Baker."

Jay returned the handshake, but the ding of the elevator had the attention of both men turning towards it.

Everything had been fine until then.

The doors opened to reveal the most stunning woman he had ever seen. She was short from what he could tell, even with the heels she had on. Those heels made her legs look miles long, and he suddenly had the urge to see just how soft he assumed her skin was. Her short, dirty blonde hair framed her face in loose waves, but he couldn't pull his attention from her eyes, hazel orbs that seemed to be looking into his soul.

"You're late," Reyes spoke, his tone now laced with venom as he spoke to the woman.

"Sorry, business ran late this morning," she responded, her voice raspy and deeper than he'd ever heard from a woman.

"Anything good?" Reyes responded. The girl nodded her head.

"Two new buyers, all the good stuff," she replied. Jay could practically feel the wicked grin Reyes wore on his face at the statement.

"Good," he said, turning slightly towards Jay, "then can you be so kind as to see our guest out?"

The woman nodded, motioning for him to follow her.

"I'll call you soon," Reyes said to Jay, "should be about two days."

"Sounds good, man," Jay replied, nodding once more and turning towards the woman.

"And Erin," Reyes spoke up, "be nice, he's promising."

The woman, Erin as he now knew, nodded her head, turning back to the elevator, expecting Jay to follow.

The ride down seemed slower than before. He also noticed now that Jared wasn't with him. But that was furthest from his mind as he took in the presence of the tiny woman besides him. Up close, she was shorter, but didn't give an appearance of being tiny. Something told him she could take him on and maybe have a chance at winning. Within five minutes of laying his eyes on this woman, he was intrigued. He was so lost in his own thoughts, he almost missed her speak.

"Be careful," she whispered, almost scared as if the elevator had mics.

He started to ask her to elaborate on that statement, but the elevator doors opened, and an older couple walked on, eliminating the opportunity to keep talking.

"Hello, you must be new here," the woman remarked, "Newlyweds?"

Jay couldn't speak, because he wasn't sure how to answer that question.

"You could say that," Erin said, smiling sweetly at the woman, all while taking a step closer to him. So close he could smell her shampoo, something minty he gathered with a touch of lavender.

"Well congratulations," her husband remarked, "it's a thrilling time. Seems like yesterday I married my wife."

The woman just laughed, taking a hold of her husband's hand. Jay wasn't sure what was going on when he felt Erin's arm wrap around his waist, but she obviously knew if they could keep up appearances for the next 30 seconds, it would be better for all of them.

The rest of the ride was silent, and the doors opened again, revealing the lobby he had seen an hour prior. He also spotted Jared waiting outside.

"Congratulations once again," the woman said, "I am sure we will see you around!"

Being the gentleman, he is, Jay let the couple off first, with hopes to get Erin semi-alone to ask follow up questions.

It seems Erin had the same idea, as she hung back as well and took her time exiting the elevator.

"Watch your back," she warned again once they were out of earshot of the other couple.

"For what? Reyes?" he asked.

"Just watch your back," she repeated, "Have a nice day."

She was clearly done with this conversation. But he would have two days to ponder her warning, and hopefully find out more about her.

* * *

 **Let me know your thoughts and I will post the next part soon!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hi hi hi! Back with more! I am on break for Thanksgiving this week, so I should be able to get the next couple of parts up this week! Thank you for all the lovely reviews! They make my day!**

 **Happy (early) Thanksgiving!**

* * *

The following day consisted of nonstop research, trying to find who this girl was. Antonio had nothing on her, but some surveillance photos of Reyes featured her in the background, but that was all. All he knew was her name was Erin, she was obviously high up in Reyes's command and had hair that smelled like mint and lavender.

The last part he left out of his report.

Reyes called that morning as well, two days later like he said, telling him to meet at a warehouse outside the city. Jay knew this would be a step down from earlier, but hey, who was he to judge?

Same time, different location, and the place looked abandoned but something told him this was anything but. As soon as he pulled up, he spotted one of the men from the other day, now in a black t-shirt and jeans, a contrast to the suits he saw the day in the penthouse.

"Down the hallway, second door on the left," one spoke, not moving from his position.

Jay nodded his head and did as he was told. The doors he passed before gave him a glimpse at just how big this operation was. Two rooms were clearly nothing but drugs, and another filled wall to wall with weapons.

This was bigger than they thought.

He found the second door on the left, trying his best not to fidget at the sounds of pain coming from inside. For once, he hesitated, not exactly knowing what to do. Did he go in, or stay outside? The directions from the security guard at the entrance said nothing about waiting or anything. So, he took his chances and pushed the door open.

The sounds of pain increased, but this was nothing new to Jay. He may not be proud of it, but he had dealt with his fair share of torture, having been on both the receiving and giving ends. But the further he walked, he could hear Reyes's voice as well, obviously demanding some kind of information from his victim.

As he turned the corner and fully entered the room, the occupants seemed to recognize his presence. His earlier thoughts had been confirmed, as Reyes turned to look at him, leather jacket and jeans as he stood in front of another man tied to a chair. What he didn't expect was to see Erin standing there too.

She looked the same from the other day, on the outside that is. Her dirty blonde waves fell to frame her face, and the black dress she wore hugged her body in the best ways. It was enough to make him want to grab her and throw her onto the old metal table that also sat in the bare room. But the look in her eyes stopped him. The woman he met two days ago had hard eyes, ones that looked to have seen a lot, and not in a good way. But today, that hardness was replaced with something softer, but still bothersome. Fear. Her stance confirmed that thought, arms crossed and leaning against a pillar, almost as if she was trying to make herself as small as possible.

He didn't get enough time to fully ponder that thought, as Reyes grabbed his attention.

"Baker, how nice of you to join us!" he said in a tone that was the opposite of the tension in the room. Almost like he was happy to see a long-lost friend again.

"Hey man," Jay replied, locking his attention on the dealer and not the girl in the corner.

"Did you bring the stuff?" he asked, eyes falling to the metal briefcase in his hand.

"Yeah, I did, along with a list of what my contacts want."

"Perfect!" Damn this guy was smug as hell.

Jay followed him to the table he just had in mind and set the briefcase on top, sliding it towards him. He watched as he flipped the latches and opened it up, eyes falling to the stacks of money sitting inside. When he was sure the other man was distracted, his gaze lifted upwards to Erin, arms still crossed but watching them.

If he had to guess, Erin's attention had been trained on him the moment he set foot into the room, trying to gauge what he was going to do. That told him that maybe she had a reasoning behind her warning the other day. Maybe she could trust him to let him help her.

Those eyes were no longer filled with fear as they locked onto him. Instead that hardness was back, mixed with something else. That something else seemed to be intrigue, as a smirk fell to her lips when she caught him staring. He needed to stop staring.

His attention was diverted again as Reyes slammed the briefcase shut, but it was too late.

He looked at Jay with something Jay had only seem one other place. Afghanistan. That look was worn by many a terrorist when things didn't go their way.

His head snapped around to Erin, startling her in the process. That fear was back and Jay wanted nothing more than to leap across the table and strangle Reyes for making her feel that way.

"What, do you think that just because he's new, you should have something from this?" he barked at Erin who jumped once again. That caused Jay to stand up, almost knocking his chair over in the process.

Jay swore he saw red when Reyes grabbed her upper arm and she jumped at the contact. There was no telling what he did to her. He took a few more steps towards Jay, dragging Erin along before he shoved her in his direction. It took everything in him to not reach out for her, attempt to steady her and make sure she was okay. He already slipped up once now, he couldn't afford to do it again.

"Show him out and then make yourself scarce," he said to her, "I'm sure you have work to do before I expect to see you back tonight. And you, I will call tomorrow."

With that, Jay took it as his cue to leave. He turned back to the door as Reyes turned his attention back to his victim. He felt sorry for the guy who was most likely going to be a human punching bag, but he'd rather it be him than Erin.

What the hell was wrong with him?

As they walked back to the door, he felt Erin make herself small again, this time against him. It seemed like she was trying to mold herself into him and stay there forever.

Didn't sound like a bad idea.

They eventually reached the exterior hallway Jay found himself earlier. He tried to slow his pace and get more time with her, but he sensed her nervousness. Long gone was the woman he met in the elevator.

"You shouldn't be here," she said, eyes trained to the ground.

He wanted to say something, wanting her to tell him more. This was technically warning number three, and he would know as their 30 second conversation played over and over in his head.

"What do I need to know?" he asked, his gaze falling to hopefully meet hers.

Like magnets, her eyes moved up to find his, but he didn't think she noticed how she stopped briefly to fully take in his appearance. Consider that an ego boost.

"Nothing I can help you with now," she whispered, "but maybe soon."

With that, she began to walk past him, her hand brushing against his. Jay swore he felt something there, and it had been a long time since he felt anything that strongly for anyone. He didn't even think he ever felt this way for Allie.

The thoughts of his girlfriend were pushed aside when he realized Erin's presence left a mark. A mark that was currently sitting inside the loose fist he didn't realize he made. He closed his hand tighter before walking back to where he came, stuffing his hands into his pockets to deposit the paper and retrieve his keys. As he walked outside and past security, Jay slid his sunglasses on and got into the truck, wanting to get away from this place as fast as possible.

When he determined he was far enough away to not be noticed, he pulled off the road. He needed to know what was written on that paper. His mind was racing with whatever possibilities, settling on another vague warning from Erin.

Instead he found what definitely got his heart racing.

Her phone number.

* * *

It was nearly 11 at night when Antonio called, telling him to meet down by the docks. The storage unit Voight owned had become a go-to meeting place when anyone was undercover. The area was large enough that it could be impossible for anyone to tell you where you were going. They could also pull their cars in and disappear for a while.

Thirty minutes after Antonio called, Jay found himself driving into the roll up to meet his sergeant and partner.

"How are you doing, man?" Antonio asked as he stepped out of the truck.

"Ready for this to be over," was Jay's reply.

Voight met them at the small set up they had towards the back. The area was relatively sparse. There were boxes Jay knew to most likely be old case files, and other stuff he assumed to be Voight's personal belongings. But some of that furniture was used to create a somewhat homey area where information could be exchanged.

"It's bigger than we thought," Jay began, settling into the old loveseat that sat against the wall.

He then proceeded to explain everything that had happened since he started. Every word of conversation, everything he saw. He could see the reaction in his coworker's eyes when he explained the rooms filled wall to wall with drugs and weapons. There hadn't been an indication of girls or money, but they knew Reyes wouldn't expose that side of the operation to just anyone.

The entire time he had debated telling them about the note from Erin, because he knew that they would have him use her for information. But something in him wanted to protect her and drag her out of all this.

But he also knew that if anyone could get her out, Voight could.

"I also got this," he said, pulling the slip of paper out of his pocket and throwing it onto the table.

Antonio picked it up, going to study it before recognizing what was written there.

"Whose is this?" he asked.

"Erin's" Jay answered, "she gave it to me on the way out of the warehouse today.

"Why?" Voight asked.

"Beats me," he replied. "She told me she would be able to help me soon, so I'm not sure what exactly that means."

"I don't want to use her," Jay blurted. "She's clearly scared, and that was very noticeable to me."

Jay paused, taking a deep breath before making his next accusation.

"I think he's abusing her."

That peaked interest in both of the older men, and Jay watched as their expressions softened.

"What do you want to do?" his boss asked.

"I want to get her out," came his instant reply. He didn't know just how much he wanted that until he said it out loud.

"Then you must be careful going forward," Antonio said. "You know that if it seems like you're using her, when she finds out you're a cop, she'll bolt in the other direction."

"So, what do I do now?"

Jay had never really had this kind of experience before undercover. He had plenty of ops under his belt, but none where he was stuck in this situation.

"Wait until the next time you see Reyes, gauge his reaction to what happened, see if she pops up. Then I would text her when you know he won't be around to see you text her."

Antonio had a good point, and it wasn't a bad idea, but nerves still filled Jay's stomach. One wrong move and numerous things could happen. But he couldn't stand to think of the worse.

"I also finally found her," Antonio said after a beat. The tone of his voice told Jay he wasn't going to like whatever his partner said.

"She's had priors for possession and solicitation," he said, handing Jay a file.

Those words made his blood run cold, but he took the file anyways, skimming over the information presented there. Sure enough, she had priors. Possession, intent to distribute, solicitation. She was once questioned for a prostitution charge when she was 16. Sixteen years old.

"I need to get her out," he said. He could tell how his voice was now cold, lethal almost, as the need to get Erin away from all this had become the strongest it had been since he met her.

"Well like I said," began Antonio, "you need to be careful. Get her to trust you before you try to be her knight in shining armor."

"Now how the hell am I supposed to do that?" Jay asked, now becoming slightly annoyed.

There was a moment of silence that passed between the three men. Looks where shared and words were silently exchanged as Jay watched his boss and his partner come to some understanding he was not privy to. Then it hit him.

"No fucking way," he replied, bitterness now in his voice.

"You don't even know what we were gonna say, Halstead," Voight said, adding something to the conversation.

"But I have a pretty good idea," he said, "you want me to see just how she fits into this organization, try and exploit her past. Because if her solicitation and prostitution charges suddenly stopped when we think Reyes picked her up, there's a chance she is still working, but most likely for Reyes. He's got a history of trafficking women, so there's a chance he runs some service on the side, probably saving girls like Erin for his clients and personal use. Am I close yet?"

Voight and Antonio just stared at him before Antonio spoke up.

"Told you he was good," he mumbled.

Voight just sighed, running a hand over his tired face.

"Antonio told me when he brought you in that you were good and times like this prove it. I am not saying to actually do anything with her, unless she starts it. But explore whatever avenues you feel are worth pursuing."

There was a slight pause from his boss.

"You're good police, Halstead," he said, "and this is one of those reasons I wanted you running this op. So, listen to me, because I am only going to say this once."

All eyes fell to Voight, standing before his detectives.

"Do what you need to do."


	4. Chapter 4

**Happy Monday! Hope this next part gets you through the day! Thank you to everyone who has read, reviewed and even those who have reached out here and on Tumblr! Y'all are the absolute best.**

 **This is on the shorter side, so I will try my best to get the next part up soon, but my week is insane, so there is no telling!**

* * *

Jay felt that his head was going to explode. The incessant waiting and worrying and wondering what was going to happen next had him on edge. He didn't like it.

It had been almost three days since the meeting at the warehouse, and all he had heard from Reyes was that he was out of town on business. He considered texting Erin then, but the quick after thought was that maybe she was with him.

The words from his sergeant still echoed in his mind. _"Do what you need to do."_ That was certainly not something he was used to hearing from Voight, but that didn't mean his boss's words should be ignored. He would know exactly what to do to make sure Erin could get out and stay out and not be charged for any involvement in Reyes's crimes. They could swing it, he knew, with very little information from her and get her probably zero jail time.

His thoughts were soon broken when the sound of his ringing phone filled the cab of his truck. He had needed to get out of the apartment where he was temporarily living and the drive around the city led him to the silos.

"Hello?" he answered.

"Chase, my man!" came a very chipper-sounding Reyes. What the heck.

"Hey man, what's up?" he replied.

"No much. Just got back to Chicago and wanted to let you know I accepted your offer. I knew we would have something great here. I also wanted to apologize for my behavior the other day. One of my other clients decided he couldn't pay, and we can't have that. But, to make it up to you, I'd like to send you something. Just to show my appreciation."

"Oh, that's not necessary," Jay tried to explain.

"Of course, it is! Just give me your address and I will have it sent over within the hour."

Jay thought back to Jared's words from day one. _Say yes._

He quickly gave him his address as he started his truck back up. He needed to actually be at his apartment if Reyes was sending something, whatever that may be over.

Jay made it back in what seemed like record time, and the next thing he knew, there was a knock at his door. His heat rate suddenly picked up, because in a rare moment of his life, he didn't know what to expect.

The sorry excuse of an apartment lacked a peep hole, so he was left with zero heads up. As he approached the door, his right hand fell to the gun he had tucked in the waistband of his jeans. Rather be safe than sorry, and with that he cracked the door open, not expecting what lay behind it.

"Hey," came Erin's soft voice.

"Umm hey," Jay replied before opening the door more. This was happening, apparently.

He let Erin in and just watched her take in the minimal surroundings of his place. His mind quickly flashed to him letting her into his actual apartment.

The actual apartment he shared with another woman he was pretty sure might not be there anymore.

"So, Reyes, sent me over to thank you," she began, sitting down on the couch in the living room. She didn't hesitate at all to take off her jacket and kick off her heels. It looked like she actually lived here.

"Yeah, but I wasn't expecting this," he replied, shocked by the words that came out of his mouth. But he had to play it up. For the ops' sake.

Erin just laughed, crossing one toned leg over the other and leaning into the hard cushions.

"He usually saves me for the people he likes the best."

Jay was stunned. Had Reyes sent Erin over here for his apologize? And she was expected to do what? Service him?

He was soon brought out of his stunned state when he saw her moving towards his position in the hallway, her hips swaying just a little more than he's noticed before.

"Umm what are you doing?" he asked as she made her way closer.

"What I was sent here for," she replied, her voice become deeper than its normal rasp. Even with the statement, Jay felt all his blood rush south and his mouth became dry.

"Jordan wanted me to make sure you were well taken care of," she said as her hands fell to his hips and her mouth landed just below his ear. Jay was sure he could die right here and be fine.

"He cares about his clients," she said, her lips moving to the hollow of his throat. A groan escaped him when her tongue touched the scar there. Allie had never done that and he never knew it was such a turn on for him.

"Erin," he said, his voice strangled. What was this woman doing to him?

He tried her name again but her lips continued to move down his chest along the exposed skin from his henley. Her hands, at the same time, were getting dangerously close to certain parts of him that did not need more attention from this woman.

"Erin," he said forcefully, his mind finally remembering he was working on a case. His hands grasped her arms, pulling her off his body.

"While I appreciate the apology, but I can't accept this," he said.

Erin's lips soon moved into a frown and her head cocked to the side, clearly trying to analyze him and his statement.

"Are you sure?" she asked, "because it seemed like you were appreciating it."

Her lips turned up into a smirk as her hands fell to his belt, quickly undoing the buckle as her hands grazed the zipper of his jeans. He had to bit his lip to escape any sound from coming out or showing her just how turned on he was right now. But he figured she knew that. He needed to difuse this situation and avoid her, avoid what she was doing to him. Because this woman was already making him feels thinks he never felt for another woman before.

"Yes, I am sure," he said, moving towards the living area and putting much needed distance between them.

Erin soon followed but made no other moves. She came to stand in front of him opposite the couch, her arms crossed across her chest and her eyes narrowing slightly to show her dislike of the situation.

Had what just happened affected her as much as it did him?

"Well what would you like then?"

"To talk," was all he replied.

She sighed, knowing now this wasn't going how she thought at all.

"About the warning? Or the note?"

Jay just nodded and moved to sit on the couch on the arm of the couch, seeing as there were no other options.

"Your team just needs to be very careful," she whispered after a while.

His head then snapped to hers and his mouth started moving before his mind caught up with what was happening.

"My what?" he asked, anger and shock seeping into his voice.

"I know you're a cop," she said, turning her body to face his.

Jay was stunned as a million questions ran through his head. He felt the beginnings of a headache forming between his eyes and his heart rate began to speed up again.

"I didn't tell anyone," she continued.

"Explain. Now," he said. Jay was surprising himself at how angry he was becoming, but he chalked it up to the repercussions of what could happen if this knowledge got into the wrong hands and maybe a little of the frustration he was now feeling following the events that just occurred.

Erin took a deep breath before finally meeting his eyes, moving to sit on the coffee table in front of him.

"A few years ago, before I got in with Reyes, I got questioned as a witness in a drug deal gone wrong. Buyer got shot when the seller jacked up the price and couldn't pay. You were one of the officers on the scene."

Jay's mind vaguely remembered the case, but it was still foggy.

"How long ago?" he asked.

"About five years," she answered.

Five years would put him back on patrol. No wonder why he wouldn't remember.

"I am assuming I didn't question you, otherwise I will feel like an ass for not recognizing you."

Erin laughed again, a real one this time, and Jay decided then and there he needed to hear that again.

"No, you didn't, I just remember thinking you were too pretty to be a cop."

Now it was his turn to laugh. Five years ago would put him fresh out of academy and the service, back when he still had a "baby face" as Allie always said.

"Why didn't you say anything earlier?" he asked.

"I didn't want anything to happen to you, because I agree with what you're doing. Reyes has been doing this for too long, but I knew I couldn't say anything."

"Why would you think that?" he questioned. What did Reyes have on her, if anything?

"I don't suppose a girl working for a black-market dealer with priors can walk into a police station and confess everything and expect to be believed."

She had a point. Before this case, he would think she was insane or trying to pull their legs and get them caught up in something more dangerous.

"But when I saw you, I knew you could help, because why else would you be here?"

She was smart, he had to hand it to her. Based on what he knew, he would be a month's pay that she knew how it all worked.

"So, do you have any ideas?" he asked, giving in to this questioning.

Erin smiled, "I just might."


	5. Chapter 5

**Starting to pick up, both with the story and updates! Thank you again for all the reviews! They mean a lot to us writers!**

 **Enjoy!**

* * *

This was not good and it was not going to end well for anyone. Jay was regretting this plan but Erin said it would help a little, so here there were.

If he thought about it, Jay would say that the idea isn't the worst he has ever heard for an undercover mission. Hell, he would probably do it regardless if the other person knew he was a cop or not. But this was Erin's suggestion and the cop in him had to admit it wasn't the worst thing in the world.

He was currently pacing his apartment, his phone in hand as he fidgeted with it, trying to drain the nerves. This would never work, there's no way Reyes would agree to this.

"Calm down, Jay," said a soft voice.

Turning around, his eyes landed on Erin, still wearing what he gave her the night before. He didn't have much, but she had suggested she stay the night to help with the plan, so he had given her one of his t-shirts that looked very much like a dress on her. They certainly hadn't done anything, though not for lack of trying on their parts, cause they both wanted something in the back of their minds. No, they had stayed up almost the entire night making a plan to help expose Reyes and his entire operation.

It was actually Erin that brought up getting out, and Jay agreed without hesitation that he would help her. She had been involved for too long and involved with the wrong people for her entire life. When Reyes had picked her up when she was 16, she admitted she had been planning to get herself help, to get a better life. But he made an offer she couldn't refuse and promised he would help her out.

So much for promises, she had said the night before.

"It is going to be fine," she reassured him, walking over and resting her hands on his wrists to get him to stop. Without her heels, she was so much shorter than him. In fact, he noticed a lot more about her last night.

Sometime around midnight was when she washed her face, desperate to rid her skin of the heavy makeup she wore. She verbally expressed her dislike for the stuff multiple times as she attempted to get all the mascara and lipstick off, which took forever and practically ruined one of his towels. It had been close to 2 am when her offered one of his shirts after noticing how much she was fidgeting in the skin tight dress. When she emerged from the bathroom, clean faced, hair pulled into a messy bun and wearing his shirt, he was sure he had never seen anything or anyone more beaufiful.

And now as she stood before him the next morning? Stunning.

"I've never been this nervous," he admitted, "hell, I've never been nervous on an undercover op, ever."

She laughed, her voice a little raspier due to the early morning and lack of sleep, but it still shot something straight through him.

"I've also never dealt with someone who knew I was a cop," he said.

"Well consider it a first," she responded before stepping back. Any closer he was sure he could tell whether or not she was wearing a bra and could maybe smell the calming scent of her shampoo again.

Not even a minute later, Jay's phone lit up with Reyes name. Letting out an audible sigh, he answered.

"Hello?" he said.

"Chase!" Reyes replied, "hope you had a good night, buddy."

Jay's eyes moved to Erin's, who was now watching with a nervous expression on her face.

"You could definitely say that," he replied, trying to tap into the cockiness he had occasionally.

"I figured, Erin is one hell of a lay."

That phrase made Jay's blood boil. No man should say that about a woman, especially one like Erin.

"That was quite an apology you sent," Jay said, trying to change the subject.

"And I am assuming you accepted since I have not seen or heard from her this morning?" he asked.

"You could say that," he began to answer.

"I sense a but, my friend."

Jay let out a silent breath, trying to compose himself to set this plan in motion.

"My terms have changed," he stated, hopefully with authority.

"Oh have they now?" Reyes replied, "Seeing as how I usually make the terms."

Damn it he was not expecting this, but he had to try. He already had a plan B in his mind, even if he neglected to inform Erin.

"Throw in Erin until the deal is finalized," he replied, "and maybe I can persuade some other contacts I have."

"That's it?" Reyes said. The man sounded pissed. Jay didn't answer for fear of a verbal retaliation.

"Well if that is all, you can have her!" he said, "But my price goes up."

This is what he was afraid of, but Voight told him to do whatever it takes. If the district spending a little more to shut down an operation this big and get Erin out, hell he would foot the remainder of the bill.

"Deal," he said.

"It was a pleasure doing business with you," Reyes said, "enjoy your little toy, but tell her I want her back soon. She's still mine."

With that, he hung up and Jay threw his phone onto the couch as if it was on fire. That was his only link to this bastard and he needed to be far away.

"Well?" Erin asked.

"He agreed, for a higher price. But the district can handle it."

It was Erin's turn to let out a breath he doubted she knew she was keeping in.

"I'm sorry," she said.

"Don't be, the district can handle it."

"I should have known he would do that," she said, tears beginning to form in her eyes.

"Hey," he said softly, his hand coming up to wipe away the few tears that already escaped.

"I will help you, I promise."

She just nodded, looking into his eyes before leaning up.

This kiss was different from any other he had. There wasn't exactly lust, but something softer, more intimate. Neither tried to take it further, they just simply stood there, existing for a second, before knowing they had to leave and escape to the fucked up situation they were in.

It was Erin who broke it off before stepping backwards.

"I should go," she said, before reaching for her clothes and heading to the door.

"Hey," Jay said for the second time that morning, "be careful."

Erin smiled then as he used the words first spoken between them. This was a risk, but it was one they were both willing to take.

"Watch your back," she replied, before opening the door.

* * *

The next day, Jay got called back to the penthouse on Michigan Avenue. But he wasn't nervous to see Reyes, no he was nervous to see Erin. Would this all fall apart when they were in the same room with the guy he was trying to arrest? His conversation with his boss last night certainly didn't help.

According to Voight, the DA needed more to get a conviction. Ideally, he needed something that showed just what he had. The DA and Voight knew Erin was willing to help, even if Voight was wary, he could deal with that after. They seemed confident that they could get a conviction with Erin's help on the trafficking and solicitation charges. But the guns and drugs were a different story.

At this point, they needed Jay there indefinitely. There was no telling how much longer he would be undercover. This was so big that they needed all the information they could get their hands on. Antonio also told him that Allie came around the other day, wanting information on Jay. They couldn't give her any and she had given him what they assumed was a letter, but Jay hadn't gotten it yet. He was honestly scared to see what it was.

The elevator ride up to the apartment seemed quicker than the last time, and once again, Jay was greeted by Reyes himself.

"There you are!" he said, sticking his hand out for a handshake. Jay returned with equal vigor.

"What's up, man?" Jay asked, wanting to get out of here as quickly as possible.

"I wanted to make sure we had an understanding of the new terms of payment before we move forward," he said, motioning for Jay to move over to the couch.

"Ahh," he responded, taking a seat as directed.

"Now the other prices stay the same as agreed, but Erin is special, so she is a little more than I charge for some of the others."

So there were others, they officially knew that now.

"But I like you," Reyes said, leaning back into the couch, one arm thrown across the back, "So I will make you a deal."

Oh shit. This could go a lot of ways.

"I have some other side businesses I am looking to get more local buyers for. You bring me more clients, I will lower my price on Erin. She's getting a little older for the tastes of some other clients."

This man pissed him off. But he was more pissed off at the way he talked about Erin.

"I'll see what I can do," Jay said after "thinking" it over, "I do have some buddies that are hearing about the weapons and they want in."

"Excellent!" Reyes said. Luckily, he fell for it, as Jay was trying to divert his attention towards that and only that. They had Upton lined up as a contact from his military days and he supposed they could use Atwater as someone considering the market for drugs of some sort. After that, he wasn't entirely sure.

"Let me know when you want Erin, and I will have one of my guys send her. I need her during the day, but she is all yours for the nights!"

Jay tried to keep it in and not strangle the guy for the comments he made. The sooner they got the information, the sooner this was all over.

"I'll reach out to my contacts, see who is interested. One of my contacts is looking to get their hands on the weapons soon."

"I'll get back to you on that, but you could probably close the deal soon."

Jay simply nodded and headed for the elevator doors.

"Oh," he said, turning on the cocky side of him, "could you send Erin over, say 8?"

Reyes just laughed, "Sure thing. I'm assuming you will need her all night?"

Well he needed her, but not for what he was thinking.

"Of course," he said, smiling that Halstead smile while his insides turned in disgust.

"Like I said, beginning of a beautiful friendship," he said, "let me know when you hear back from your contacts."

"Will do, thanks man," Jay replied.

"Anything for you," Reyes answered before the elevator doors shut.


	6. Chapter 6

**Hello, hello! Happy Sunday! Things are starting to pick up, but I wanted to say a few things first.**

 **One, I've said this before and I want to say this again, but I have already written the majority of this story. So, a) if you are caught up from the story on Tumblr and rereading here, please don't spoil anything in the comments for others and b) as much as I love them, please refrain from making suggestions. While I do love hearing feedback, it's a little disheartening getting suggestions on a story I have already written as I feel like you all won't enjoy it as it goes on. When I catch up to posting here, I will be sure to stress that I will take suggestions moving forward!**

 **Lastly, thank you to everyone who reviews each chapter, as it means a lot! I'm not sure if I mentioned it before, but this is my first AU and multi-chapter fic for this fandom and it was been nerve-wracking diving into a fandom with such amazing writers. Please keep reviewing as it makes my day to see them and gives motivation to keep writing!  
**

 **Much love!**

* * *

A knock on the door had Jay jumping from his spot on his couch. It was a little after nine and he was hoping that it would be Erin who was on the other side of the door. He didn't even bother looking through the peephole, as he had an idea of the beautiful face that was on the other side of the door.

He should have looked.

Jay opened the door, prepared with some line about how gorgeous she looked, but was stopped when his eyes landed on her face.

"Erin?" he asked in a whisper.

Erin just looked up at him, tears rimming her eyes.

"Come here," he said, pulling her gently by the hand inside, his arms going around her as he pulled her into his chest.

No words were exchanged as they stood in the hallway of the apartment, as the only sounds coming from either of them was Erin's sniffling and Jay's breathing. After a while, he stepped back, pulling her further into his place and letting her sit on the couch. He excused himself to get a warm washcloth and some water, figuring she needed both of those.

He didn't say anything, at least not yet. He couldn't bring himself to ask and he didn't want to pressure her, fearing it could all be too much. But, the cop in him told him to question her, even if just asking what happened.

"Who did this?" he finally asked after wiping the blood on her face.

There was a slight pause in her answering. She was clearly scared about giving her answer, and it was obvious that her answer might upset him just by reading her body language.

"Jordan," she began and Jay felt his blood boil.

"What?" he almost yelled. He was trying to control himself, not wanting to scare her even more.

"He, umm, he wasn't happy with a client I had brought in, so, he, umm…"

"When did this happen?"

"This morning."

That bastard. He was just there this morning, meaning he would have had to have laid his hands on her before or after he was there. That thought sickened him even more.

He was doing this to her when he was around, and that was not okay at all. The sick fuck was doing this to her regardless and Jay felt himself get sick.

"Has he…," Jay said before trailing off.

Erin just nodded her head, moving closer to Jay and wrapping her small, trembling hand in his, needing to feel that he was here.

"A few times. He has me pull in buyers, big or small, through the trafficking side of it. I help run the girls."

She paused to look at him, a terrified look on her face because she basically just incriminated herself. But he refused to let anything happen to her.

"Just tell me anything," he reassured her. "I won't let anything happen to you. At all."

"But, I'm involved," she began before he cut her off.

"Hey," he said, bring his free hand to softly cup her face, trying to avoid the bruises that were turning darker by the minute. "I've talked to my boss. If you cooperate fully, nothing will happen to you. We will protect you, I will protect you."

Erin sighed, looking down at their hands before looking back up at him.

"Can we talk about this later?"

"Erin, I don't think…"

"Please Jay. I need to not think about it."

She leaned up to kiss him, her own free hand resting against his jaw. They stayed like that for a minute, not taking anything further before she pulled back, her lips still touching his own.

"Take my mind off it."

One look in her eyes told him that she wanted this, she needed to not think. He started to give into what he knew they both wanted. But he was determined to treat her the way she deserved to be treated.

Jay stood up, watching her eyes follow his every move. He didn't say anything, just held out his hand in hopes she would take it. She did, and once it was firmly in his grasp, he tugged her slightly, indicating that she should stand up as well. Once she was upright, he looked down at her, amazed again by their height difference as she had taken her shoes off at some point earlier. He leaned down, this time taking the first step, as he kept ahold of her hand as his lips met hers.

The kiss was slow, unhurried, because they had all the time in the world tonight, because he was not letting her go back to that bastard. He was planning to keep her here for as long as possible, prices be damned.

Jay let her set the pace, not wanting to rush anything for fear he might spook her and cause her walls to go back up. He wanted her to trust him, but the pull between them was too great for this to not happen.

He needed her as much as she needed him in this moment.

Their kiss broke after what felt like hours and he moved backwards, pulling her along with him towards his bedroom.

"Jay," she whispered.

"Not tonight," he replied, knowing the question she had on her mind. "But soon. When this is all over and everything is behind us, I am going to show you and tell you just how much love you deserve. Because you deserve it all, and I promise you, that I am going to give it to you."

Tears welled up in her eyes as she kissed him again, but only for a second. She wanted to know where this night was going and wanted to savor every second of it with him.

Jay stopped when they reached the bathroom, not letting go of her hand as he leaned in the shower to turn it on. Silence fell between them as he kissed her once more before moving to take his shirt off. He set it on the counter, knowing she would most likely put it on later. He then motioned for her to turn around, so she was facing the mirror that was quickly becoming fogged up. Erin hesitated for a second, knowing if she did she would have to face what happened earlier today.

"Please," Jay whispered, and she complied.

She soon stood before the mirror, looking at her own battered face, but Jay wasn't looking at any of the marks there. He was looking in her eyes, into her soul, and for the first time in her life, she saw love in someone's eyes. This man, this amazing man, was looking at her like she was his whole world.

And for the first time in her life, she truly felt loved, even if he didn't say it.

Their eyes remained locked on one another's as Jay's hands moved to the zipper on the back of her dress, pulling it down slowly.

"No, Jay," she began before he silenced her.

"Let me, Erin."

She simply nodded as he continued, surrendering herself to him, to a man, for the first time in her life.

"You are beautiful," he whispered into her ear, leaving butterfly kisses along her shoulder that was now bare as he moved the strap down her arm.

"Don't let anyone tell you differently."

Her dress soon fell to the floor and she sucked in a deep breath, suddenly scared for him to see the rest of her body. She watched his eyes fall to the yellowish tint of recovering bruises and the black and blue color of new ones along her rib cage and abdomen. Her eyes fell to her hips, knowing just what he would find there if this continued where she thought this was going.

His hands moved away from her body and Erin turned around as she was overwhelmed by the need to keep her eyes on him at all times. His eyes found hers again and they stay locked on one another as he blindly moved to unbutton his jeans and push them down to the ground. They stayed like that, standing before each other in the bare minimum before they both closed the distance between them as Jay's hands went to her cup her face as Erin's landed on his waist.

"Whenever you want to talk about it, I'm here," he murmured, his lips inches from hers. Erin nodded her head slightly, indicating that she heard and understood him before the remaining space between them was gone.

This kiss soon got a little more heated that previous ones this evening, but Erin knew that nothing else was happening tonight. Tonight, he was caring for her, and that was all.

Jay then stepped back but his hands didn't leave her body. She looked up at him and there was not an ounce of lust in them, all love. His hands moved to the back of her bra, his calloused fingers undoing the clasp instantly. Erin helped him, moving her hands up to pull the straps off. The remainder of their clothes came off in seconds and Jay pulled her into the walk-in shower, the steam and hot water instantly giving her relief.

Again, no words came as they stood there together, occasionally exchanging kisses and touches as the rinsed the day off them. Jay was nothing but gentle with her and tears escaped her eyes again, but they were that of relief and happiness, despite the circumstances that brought them together.

Jay didn't say anything, just brushed them away, causing her to smile softly.

"Can we stay in here forever?" she asked, breaking the silence of the shower.

"Whatever you want," he replied. "But the water is getting cold. The one thing I hate about this apartment."

Erin let out a small laugh, glad he could ease some more of the tension of the day.

They soon stepped out, Jay grabbing her a towel and his shirt while wrapping one around his waist.

"Be right back," he said, kissing her forehead as he walked out of the bathroom.

He returned less than a minute later, now wearing only a pair of sweatpants and tossing her a pair of his boxers. Erin accepted them without question, slipping them on and flipping the waistband so they would stay on her hips.

"Feel better?" he asked, rubbing his hands up and down her arms to get rid of the goosebumps there.

"Yeah," she replied. "Thank you."

"You don't ever have to thank me for something that should be a given."

"Still, no one has ever treated me this way."

Hurt and sadness crossed Jay's face but he didn't immediately move to cover it. This woman deserved all the love and happiness in the world and he was going to be the one to give it to her. He wasn't going to question the issue of her never feeling loved or cared for anymore tonight. They both needed sleep and to reevaluate this plan.

"Wanna sleep?" he asked.

"Lord yes," she replied, following him out of the bathroom.

Jay left to turn out the lights and make sure the door was locked. He returned shortly after, his service weapon in his hand. Erin eyed him suspiciously as she turned down the covers on the bed, slipping into the side furthest from the door, knowing he liked being closer to protect her.

"Just in case."

She nodded, slipping under the covers and waiting for him. He crawled in too, moving closer to her to allow her to move into his side. It was strange how comfortable he felt with her. The first night she spent here, they both shared his bed but they were not this close. This was the second time, and it felt like they had been doing this forever.

That thought reminded him of Allie, but he didn't want to think about her. The only thought he had about her in this moment was that it was time to end that relationship, to close that chapter, because in the week he had known Erin, he had fallen for her, and fallen hard. It felt like they had been together forever, and tonight, they had taken a thousand steps, some of which he had never even taken with Allie.

"Are you okay?" Erin asked, breaking the silence.

Jay looked down at her, slightly surprised at her question.

"I think I should be asking you that," he replied.

She let out a soft and tired laugh, but kept her eyes on him.

"I'm better now," she said.

They lay like that for a while, both awake but not exchanging words. It was enough to have the other beside them, taking comfort in the presence of this other person.

"I met him when I was 17," Erin whispered, suddenly breaking the silence.

Jay said nothing, sensing she needed to get this out. And she did.

"It started like it always does, he was looking for a quick fuck and frequented the people I worked for. Eventually, he offered me more and pulled me into his operation."

He couldn't believe what he was hearing, but he stayed quiet.

"A few years go by, and I had pulled in a lot of girls and was basically running that whole side of his game. I wasn't working anymore, technically, and had become exclusively his, with exceptions."

An exception must have been when he loaned her out to others, as thank yous and apologies.

"Sometimes, he's a little, much," she continued, looking for the right words. "Usually when a deal goes bad or there may be a slip up with the police. But today, today was different."

She paused, suddenly sitting up and turning to face him, legs crossed as her hands fiddled in her lap. He sat up as well, leaning against the wall that served as a headboard.

"I overheard him, when he took a call. It was before you came over. I could head you talking. He's nervous, thinks there is a rat in his organization."

Jay tried to jump in, finally ask questions, but she put a hand on his leg, stopping him.

"He doesn't think it is you. One of his buyers recently got busted, big time, and he's got people that told him he was questioned extensively by the police. He is getting nervous. I think he is beginning to panic, this has been going on for so long and now authorities are closing in."

"You know I will protect you, right?" he asked, finally butting in.

Erin nodded her head.

"I'm meeting my boss tomorrow night. Just to get an update and give him mine."

He paused for a second before asking his next question.

"Will you come?"

Erin nodded her head instantly. Jay felt a weight leave his shoulders, not just because maybe she could help them more, but also knowing she would be with him and not that bastard.

"I will call Reyes tomorrow," he said, sliding back down to the bed. "We need sleep now."

"I would love that," Erin replied, resuming her previous spot curled up next to him.

The exhaustion of the day fell over them instantly, allowing them to fall asleep easily, but not before Jay had one final thought in his mind.

 _I love you._


	7. Chapter 7

**Hi! So, it's about three more chapters until I am caught up here, but I am finally done with finals, so I am hoping and planning on having y'all caught up by the end of the week (but don't hold me to that!)**

 **Thank you for the continued support. All of your reviews keeps me wanting to post this story here as well, so keep it up! I am going to use my winter break to post some of my other stories, so keep an eye out in the next few weeks! In the next few chapters, I might try and get an idea of what other stories you all want to see first, so please let me know when the time comes!**

 **Enjoy!**

* * *

"Are you sure about this?"

"For the millionth time, Jay, yes."

Jay sighed and gripped the steering wheel harder, his knuckles turning white at the action.

"I know," he whispered, "but you didn't sign up for this."

He looked over at her to see her looking back at him. It has been a week since she showed up battered and bruised and he was silently thankful that his originally scheduled meeting with Voight and Antonio got pushed back because he didn't want to see her like that. It scared the shit out of him just thinking about it.

"I know that, but I want to help. I want these guys gone just as much as you do. I want to give these girls a better life, better than what I had."

There were tears building up in her eyes, a sight he has seen a lot of lately. In the past week, she has been over almost every night, to the point where he didn't even call Reyes to send her, he just did. And while every time he saw the bastard he had a smug look on his face hinting at what he thought was going on, Jay relaxed the minute Erin crossed the threshold of his apartment. Nothing ever happened, even though there were a lot of times it almost did, but most nights were spent getting food into their bodies and relaxing on the couch. Jay had even gone out one day and bought her some more comfortable clothes to wear so she didn't have to keep on the skin-tight dresses and push up bras. But she always ended up in one of his limited selection of shirts. They joked one night that he was running out of shirts for her to wear since he did laundry only occasionally.

He ended up buying more shirts, too.

Sometimes they talked about her, sometimes about him. They almost always talked about what was going on. Jay and Upton had their meeting for the exchange in two more weeks, giving Reyes time to move his product and keep up the ruse that Hailey would be back from overseas soon from meetings with her contacts. Erin kept him updated every step of the way, giving them more than they thought.

They were still staring at each other as Erin reached over to take one of his hands, bringing it to her lips to softly kiss his knuckles. His own eyes slid shut, savoring the moment he had with her right now, knowing that tomorrow, they may not get this. When he opened his eyes, there was something there he couldn't quite pinpoint, maybe worry or fear, but she didn't let onto anything being wrong.

"Hey," she whispered. "It's gonna be okay."

"Since when are you the voice of reason?" he asked, trying to find some lightness in the situation.

Erin laughed softly, a sound he now loved to hear, despite the look in her eyes. It was one that made him picture a future with her, that laughter ringing in his ears and mixing with the sound of tiny feet running around, ones that had her eyes and his freckles and were the perfect mix of them both.

It was not the first time he had these thoughts and they didn't scare him at all.

"I just have a feeling everything is going to be okay."

Jay smiled at her, using their still joined hands to pull her closer and kiss her softly. These kinds of kisses, soft, touching, sweet, had become such a staple in, whatever it was they had. It was the kind he gave her when she walked into the room or right before falling asleep on the nights she stayed over, which was now almost every time she was there. It was the kind of kiss you gave to your significant other that looked so small but meant so much.

He never felt like this with Allie.

Erin's words rang through his ears. " _Everything is going to be okay."_ He sincerely hoped it would but he was never one to get his mind back to reality during an op. But his thoughts kept drifting back to Allie. Antonio said he would give Jay her letter when he saw him and his tone of voice had him anxious, like he knew something Jay didn't. He told Allie before he left that he wouldn't blame her if she left, and now, thinking that might be a reality, it worried him.

But then he looked at this brunette beauty beside him and felt that maybe everything would be okay.

The alarm on Jay's phone suddenly went off, causing him to break off his thoughts and look down. It was 10:30, time to head to the docks.

"Ready?" he asked Erin.

"Ready," she replied as he shifted his truck in gear.

* * *

Jay pulled into the warehouse, waiting to hear the clang of the bay door to hit the cement before getting out of the truck. Erin followed suit, not worried about getting out in a dress for once, as she had slipped into a pair of jeans and a t-shirt Jay had bought for her. He had to admit, seeing her in such casual clothes was more of a turn on for him than heels and dresses.

He moved to the front, meeting Erin there and extending a hand for her to take as he turned to face his boss and partner.

"Sarge, Tony, this is Erin," he said, motioning to the woman beside him.

"Hey," she said, her voice now small and childlike. He didn't blame her, both guys would seem intimidating at first.

Voight was the first to speak up, his voice calm.

"Would you like some coffee?"

Erin looked up at Jay as if to ask if it was okay. He gave her a slight nod back and a squeeze of her hand before letting go, urging her forward with Voight. Jay watched her follow his boss and soon felt his partner's hand on his shoulder. He turned around and the look on his face told him this was private.

"Hey man," Antonio whispered, pulling something from his back pocket. "I believe you know what this is."

Jay looked down at the white envelope with his name written in perfect handwriting. That was all that was there, just "Jay" and Allie had left it at that.

He let out a breath he didn't know was in him and looked back up at his partner.

"You sure you wanna deal with this now?"

Jay just nodded, taking the envelope from him and turning to walk towards his boss and Erin.

"I'll be fine."

They met up with the other two and Jay was surprised at the sight before him. Voight was smiling softly at Erin as they appeared to make small talk. He bit back a smile as he walked towards his girl, taking the seat next to her.

"Here," she said, picking up the cup sitting on the table.

"Thanks," he replied, returning her smile.

Voight cleared his throat and Jay's attention soon was solely on his boss.

"So, Upton is gearing up. She's taken the last few days to drop off the grid and let Mouse build her profile. I'm not sure we will be able to get you the info beforehand, so is there anything specifically you have in mind that you could remember?"

"Umm, yeah," Jay said, leaning forward as his forearms rested against his knees. "We had a cultural support team attached to us while I was overseas, mostly women. It was common for them to interact with the locals and because they could talk to the women, we would get more information than by just interacting with the men."

"Ok, that would work," Antonio said, writing notes from Jay down. "And Mouse would know this too?"

Jay nodded, "Yeah, and honestly, just tell him to use anything from our time overseas and it should be fine."

"Ok we will let him know. The only for sure thing we can give you know is like names and basic background. Rebecca Edwards, just got back from an assignment in Iraq and has some contacts looking for American weapons. You've got the hookup and she's got people that want them fast and under the radar."

Jay nodded his head, taking in the information while assessing Erin's body language. Her relaxed posture was now tense again and she was fidgeting with her hands. He reached over, taking one in his in hopes to calm her but it didn't seem to work. He couldn't say anything, not yet, as Antonio continued.

"We could bring Atwater in for the drugs, but we don't have a lot to go on."

"Umm," Erin began, her voice still small.

The three men in the room turned to look at her as Voight spoke up.

"Is there anything we're missing?" he asked.

"Well, Jordan, or Reyes, he doesn't like to advertise about the drugs. It's more of a recent development and he is trying to make himself more known on that scene before branching out."

Antonio wrote down notes as Erin continued.

"His long-time clients are getting first dibs on the drugs, the loyal ones. I've heard him talking about offering it up to Jay but he wants to see how the weapons deal is gonna go down first."

She paused, looking at Jay, nervous if she could continue. Before he could say anything, Voight spoke up again.

"What you tell us, it won't be used against you. As far as I am concerned, at this point, you are a CI, nothing more, and you are cooperating, which helps. And from my understanding, held against your will?"

Erin silently nodded as Jay squeezed her hand once again. He knew she didn't want to elaborate on her past right now in front of two men she didn't know and had reason to be skeptical about.

"He also knows the police are closing in."

This piqued Voight and Antonio's interest, both looking at her now.

"He does?" Antonio asked.

Erin nodded again, "I already told Jay, but they don't think it is him. They think it is another buyer that recently got picked up, Alan Reynolds. He is a regular with the girls and recently started buying coke off Jordan."

"That's where he got it from?" Antonio asked. "We've been questioning him but he wouldn't budge. Could only charge him with possession."

"Yeah, Jordan thinks he ratted him out, so he's been pulling back with the drugs. I also heard him talking about potentially "eliminating the problem". It doesn't take a genius to figure out what he means, and it wouldn't be the first time."

"What do you mean?" Voight asked.

"Jordan has a history with making people "disappear" when he thinks they have double crossed him, regardless of whether they did or not. He's got smart people, former cops, FBI agents, assassins. In the almost 10 years I've worked for him, he's done this more times than I can count."

"So, this guy," Antonio began, "is trafficking guns, girls and drugs, and is also involved with murder?"

"Yeah, and I've heard discussions about eliminating the competition with drug trafficking."

"And conspiracy to commit murder. Is there anything this guy doesn't do?"

"I've seen just about everything with him."

"In the last 15 minutes, you have given us more information than we've ever been able to get," Antonio explained as he looked to Jay. "She's good."

Jay didn't reply, just looked at Erin and gave her a small smile.

"I think that is enough for tonight. We'll run with the information that Erin gave but we may need to buy more time to build a case," explained Voight.

"The meeting is scheduled for two weeks," said Jay.

"Ok that should work, but we will let you know if something changes and we will try to have Mouse get the profile to you before the meeting, just so you're not going in blind."

Jay nodded before standing up, everyone else following suit. His hand remained in Erin's and neither his boss nor his partner paid him any mind. He moved to head back to his truck with Erin, but was stopped when his sergeant called his name.

"Keep her safe."

Jay nodded, turning back to head out of here. After tonight, he felt a good night's sleep was in order with Erin's small body melded into his side.

* * *

"How's Halstead doing?" Atwater asked when Voight and Antonio returned to the district.

"Good, looks good despite being undercover," Antonio answered.

They quickly gave the team the info they got from Halstead and Erin, Voight dishing out orders as Antonio talked to Upton and Mouse, letting them know how Jay wanted to take this.

"Hey boss?" Ruzek asked, causing his boss to turn around.

"How did Halstead get all this information?"

It was the one question everyone was thinking but were nervous to ask. There were many different scenarios with how the answer could go.

Voight exchanged a look with Antonio that did not go unnoticed by the team before turning back to his detectives.

"Halstead befriended one of Reyes' girls, Erin Lindsay. We're not sure of how she got involved, but she basically runs the girls in his command and has been for at least 10 years. Halstead made Reyes include Erin in the deal with Upton and she's been relaying information to him from the inside of Reyes' command."

"How do we know she isn't involved?" asked Burgess.

"For one, she knew Halstead was a cop before he said anything. Said she got questioned years ago. She is also voluntarily supplying this information and the DA and state's attorney won't be charging her because she is willing to provide information and she was forced into this and held against her will. Halstead trusts her and for all intents and purposes here, she is being regarded as a CI."

The room went silent as everyone took in the information until Ruzek spoke up again.

"Well if Halstead trusts her, then so do we."

* * *

Jay silently unlocked his apartment, pushing the door open to let Erin in. The ride back from the docks had been silent, which had been unusual. Erin had been off all day, nerves radiating off her but he hadn't bother to ask yet. When she got here earlier, they only had enough time for her to change out of her dress and into more casual clothes before leaving to meet Voight and Antonio. The ride there had been silent too, but it felt comfortable as Erin's fingers were interlaced with his. It was one of the many moments lately where it felt like the world melted away and they were a normal couple. It was a feeling Jay now craved and needed in his life when this was all over.

He suspected Erin felt his own apprehension as he now had the letter from Allie, the one he had yet to read. It felt like a weight in his jacket pocket and he knew he couldn't put it off any longer. There was no telling what the letter contained and Antonio didn't give off anything to help give him an idea of what was written inside.

They both removed their jacket. It was nearing November and the weather was dropping but it wasn't unbearable. It simply felt like fall outside, a season that was welcome as it meant the hot summers were melting away. For Jay, it meant football season was back and his Chicago Bears were back and that triggered something in his brain that had him picturing he and Erin curled up on a couch with pizza and beer, him yelling at bad calls from the ref and her laughing at him, making comments about how they couldn't hear him. Maybe he would take her to a game, let her fully enjoy the excitement.

While Erin moved to the couch, he walked into the kitchen, grabbing them both a beer out of the fridge and walking back. Erin sat there, back straight and her hands fiddling with a loose string from a hole in her jeans.

"Here," he said, handing her the bottle before sitting beside her.

Her hands now had something else to focus on but he noticed she didn't drink it, just sat there, eyes glued to the floor as her nail scrapped at the label.

"Erin?" he asked after taking a sip of his own.

The silence remained and after taking another sip for courage, Jay set the bottle on the side table before turning to face her.

"Erin, are you okay? You've been quiet since we left."

Her attention did move from the spot on the floor but she nodded her head, indicating she was fine. Her body language was telling thought and he wasn't a detective for nothing.

"Hey," he said, taking the bottle out of her hands and replacing his own to cover hers.

"Talk to me because something is bothering you."

Erin looked up then, eyes now rimmed with tears but there was something else in her eyes this time, fear, and he would do anything to get rid of that. One of his hands left hers, moving to wipe escaped tears from her cheeks.

"What's wrong?"

"I.." she began before trying to avert her gaze from him.

"Er, talk to me. Let me help."

"I think I'm pregnant."

The words rang in his ears and he couldn't quite process what she just said.

"You think you're pregnant, or you are?" he asked.

"I am, or I think I am, but I'm not sure," she stumbled through her words as her eyes seemed to dart all over the room, focusing on anything but him.

"Hey," he whispered. "Look at me."

Surprisingly, she did, tears now falling down her cheeks, some of her mascara going with it.

"Why do you think you're pregnant?"

"I'm late," she stated. "And I'm never late and lately I've been feeling nauseous and I, I don't know, that was my first instinct."

Jay could tell she was scared and nervous, and her nerves told him the answer to his next question, but he had to ask her.

"Do you know who the father is?"

She furiously shook her head no, telling him what he suspected.

"I don't know," she whispered, hesitating before continuing. "And I don't think I will know."

That was what scared her the most, he could tell, the not knowing. There was no telling what could happen with her, or a baby, not knowing who the father was.

Jay pulled her into him, letting her head fall against her chest as the tears kept falling. He didn't say anything other than softly shushing her and rubbing circles on her back.

Eventually, her cried quieted to sniffles, her eyes red and puffy. He knew she wouldn't be up for more talking so he opted for a safer option.

"Let's go to bed, we can talk more later."

* * *

It was hours later before she finally fell asleep. Jay could tell the exhaustion of the day and the worry of a potential pregnancy was hitting her like a ton of bricks. They both lay in his bed, her head resting against his thigh while his back was propped against the wall. His fingers were still tangled in her hair, a gesture he found caused her to succumb to sleep very easily.

If Erin was pregnant, then he didn't know what to do. The easiest question he could answer was whether he would follow through on his promises and he would. A thousand times yes. He knew he would support her, whatever her decision was.

The other thing he knew with clarity was that he loved her. Never in his wildest dreams would he expect to fall in love while undercover to a woman he would never have met under normal circumstances. He had no idea how she felt, but he had an idea. Their relationship since they met was an unconventional one, as was their situation. But a part of Jay was convinced that everything had happened to lead to their meeting and where they were now.

But he was left with a decision to make, one involving his girlfriend of the last six years. The way he felt about Erin was unlike anything he ever felt for Allie. With Allie, everything always felt comfortable, but with Erin, it was something different. The nights they spent talking about nothing and the newfound banter between them was refreshing. He suspected she would be one to keep him on his toes, to always keep him guessing about what would happen next.

His mind was pretty much made up as he felt Erin's breath hit his bare thigh. Jay looked down and smiled at the woman sleeping beside him. His eyes wandered to her still-flat stomach as he pictured her pregnant. There was a small twinge of pain to his heart with the knowledge that the baby wasn't his, couldn't be his, but that pain was quickly replaced with hope at the thought that maybe one day her stomach would be growing with his own child, one that was a part of them both.

Jay reached over and grabbed the extra pillow, trying to limit his movement as much as possible. She needed the sleep and he needed to read Allie's letter. He managed to replace his leg with the pillow and she barely stirred. He quietly moved towards the living room where the letter was still in his jacket.

As he grabbed it and sat down on the couch, he looked at his name printed on the front. He had always teased Allie for having such perfect handwriting and looking at it now, he couldn't help but find it boring. That simple thought suddenly defined their entire relationship for him: boring. There was never much excitement and her always cautious nature never left room for spontaneity, something he never had and never knew he needed until he met Erin.

Sliding his fingers under the flap, he pulled out the lined paper that was perfectly folded and unfolded it to reveal more perfect handwriting. He leaned forward, paper in one hand and the other moving to scratch his chin as he read.

 _Jay,_

 _I have no idea when you will get this letter, or if you ever will, but I need to tell you that I love you. I always have, always will and that will never change._

 _But I don't think I can do this anymore. I can't handle the worry of whether you are safe or if you will even come home at the end of the day. You always said you never wanted this life for me – a cop's wife, a soldier's wife – and I always told you it would be okay, just as long as I had you._

 _But I am now seeing just what you were keeping me from. You've always said the same thing, that undercover ops hold zero promises. I know who you are when you come back and it breaks my heart every time._

 _If you need me, I will be here for you, but for now, I need to focus on me. I'm back at my parent's house and no, they aren't mad at you. They understand this is your job, and by being with you, I signed up for this. They will take care of me until you are back. But please, if this letter gets to you, please come back. I need you, we need you. I can't do this without you._

 _I'm pregnant, Jay. This baby needs its father and even though I have my parents, I need you too. I love you, and this baby will love you, so much. If you aren't back soon, I promise to save every ultrasound picture, record everything that happens and try to give you updates when and if I can. Antonio seemed skeptical about being able to give this to you, but I will try my best._

 _Stay safe, and come back soon._

 _Allie_


	8. Chapter 8

**Hi all! Thank you for your continue support of his story, as there is plenty more to come! And as I said in the last chapter, be on the lookout for some more new fics!**

 **Enjoy!**

* * *

There were a million thoughts going through his mind. The first being his girlfriend was pregnant with his baby. The second being when did it all happen.

He and Allie were always careful, in fact, he had never met a more careful person when it came to sex. Looking back at it now, he realized just how careful she was. She was on birth control, and not the pills but like the implants because she was terrified of something happening and she forgot to take her pill or if she was on other medications that cancelled the pill's effects. She always made sure he wore a condom. In fact, she was so paranoid that there were condoms all over the apartment in case they got a little crazy. But they never did, because she was so paranoid. Sex happened in the bedroom and only there and only when she was not ovulating or on her period, the two times when supposedly she was most fertile.

She took every precaution but shit still happened.

Jay wasn't sure how long he stared at the letter in his hands before he heard his name.

"Jay?" asked Erin, eyes squinting as she adjusted to the light of the living room.

"Hey," he replied as she walked over to the couch. He folded the letter back up and set it on the coffee table.

"Is everything okay? I woke up and you weren't there. The sheets were cold, so I figured you hadn't been there for a while."

"Yeah, sorry, I, umm," he began, not able to get his thoughts together. He was debating tell her about Allie, but she spoke before he could.

"Are you regretting this?" she asked, her voice small.

"What?" he responded.

Erin didn't say anything as she walked further over to him until her toes were touching his, but she remained standing. Her hands played with the end of her shirt, well, his shirt, as she looked down at the ground.

"You didn't sign up for this, to be dealing with me, a girl trapped in a criminal's operation who is pregnant with some guy's baby. I'm the same as I was before, except now I'm a walking ad for the consequences of being a call girl."

"Hey, Erin," he said as tears filled her eyes. There was no way he was telling her anything now.

"You are not the same, not to me."

"But you didn't know me before."

"That doesn't matter," he said, taking her smaller hand in hers. "What matters is the woman you have become."

"The woman I've become is worse."

Jay shook his head, wanting her to see she was wrong.

"No, you're not. If anything, you're better. You're strong, smart, independent. You don't take shit from anybody."

She laughed a little because they both knew how true that last statement was.

"You're kind, beautiful. Any baby would be lucky to have a mom like you."

Her smile fell a little and Jay caught it right away.

"Hey, Er," he said, reaching for her hand and pulling him down next to him. Erin's posture stiffened but she relaxed as he rubbed circles on the back of her hand.

"I'm serious, you're going to be a great mom."

"I still don't even know if I am pregnant."

"I thought you were going to the doctor?" he asked.

"I couldn't do it," she replied staring at his knee.

"Why?"

"I, I'm just scared Jay."

"About what?"

"Everything!" she exclaimed. "I, I don't know who the father is and I'm an addict and this baby will be born into a world I no longer want to be a part of."

"Hey, you will be safe, you will be okay. I will get you out of this. I am so close, Er."

"How are you so sure?" she asked.

"I promised you that I would keep you safe. I am not a man that backs out of his promises and everything I have promised you, I will keep them."

Erin sniffled, the tears once again slipping from her eyes. He reached down to pull her legs onto the couch, his left arm going around her shoulders, pulling her close as his lips found the crown of her head.

"Everything is gonna be okay."

* * *

A deep sigh escaped him as he once again took the elevator up to Reyes' penthouse. He didn't understand why he always felt nervous going here but he did. Maybe it was because he didn't want to blow this operation or maybe it was because of Erin or a mix of everything. But recent events weren't helping his state of mind.

The elevator doors once again opened quicker than he anticipated but Jay stepped out, nodding at the security guys he's become accustomed with. They were no longer fazed by him, didn't even look in his direction when he was there.

"Hey man," he said to Reyes, whose back was to him. He turned at the intrusion, that sickening smile forming when he recognized who was there.

"Chase!" he replied, walking over towards him to shake his hand, same as always.

"Got your call, what's up?"

Reyes sighed, motioning to the couch to sit. Jay's nerves were on edge but he tried to push them down as much as possible. He sat down, accepting the offer for coffee from one of the housekeepers and he began talking.

"So, is there any way you can get your contact to meet sooner?"

Jay couldn't say he was surprised, because he wasn't. He expected this given that Intelligence and the feds were moving in on his operation. Reyes wanted to get rid of those weapons as soon as he could.

"I can ask, but I'm not sure. She's currently in Iraq and should be wrapping up soon."

He knew better than to ask other questions, he just needed to answer the ones directed at him.

"Could you ask? I am getting a new shipment in that same day and want my current stock gone so I have the space."

Jay knew that was a bullshit answer. The dude was getting nervous and covering it very well. If only Reyes knew…

His train of thought was interrupted by the elevator doors opening again and both men averted their attention to the new person in the room.

Jay tried to keep a straight face as Erin stepped off the elevator, her red dress uneven at the bottom as she forgot to pull one side down, but other than that looked as stunning as ever. He definitely preferred her in his shirts and a pair of leggings, but he wouldn't say that now.

"Well if it isn't my favorite girl!" Reyes exclaimed.

Erin gave a smile, but it didn't meet her eyes. Her posture was now tense and the growing urge to hurt this bastard sitting beside him increased.

"And what are you guys up to?" she asked, walking over but stopping just out of reach of them both. Her voice sounded flirty and it was a front, one they both needed to maintain his cover.

"Talking business as usual. And how is business on your end?"

Reyes had grown comfortable in the two months Jay had been around. When they first met, he was skeptical to include Jay in his business dealings, but recently openly talked when Jay was around. They were now at the point that he was with Reyes almost twice, sometimes three times a week. But the team needed this.

"Excellent as usual," she replied, crossing her arms and shifting her weight to one side. "Just got back from the girls' place. Everyone brought in profit."

"I always knew you would be good for business," Reyes said. "Once a street girl, as they say."

Jay's blood boiled but he kept it in check. Not _"as they say"_ because no one says that. He watched Erin, and it went unnoticed to Reyes because she was included in the conversation, and her body went tense again. She never liked that phrase and had told Jay many times. But they couldn't do anything, not just yet. But soon, hopefully.

"As they say," she replied, dropping her arms and moving to escape this uncomfortable situation. "Now if you'll excuse me, one of the girls gave me a tip about bringing in someone new and I need to check it out."

Whether or not that was true, it gave Erin an out. But Jay wished she would stay, because then he could see her and that assured him she was unharmed. Every time she came over there was some bruise on her, and they were always from Reyes. The bastard thought Jay was the only client she had, which was technically true, but they weren't sleeping together, and the only other person laying their hands on her was Reyes. It broke Jay's heart when she said she would push through his abuse if it gave physical evidence and could add to the growing list of charges. He told her relentlessly that they would have enough for him to die in prison without that, but Erin argued with him, telling him that she wanted him to be put away for the abuse. She wanted the world to know what he has done.

Erin soon disappeared down the hallway, leaving just himself and Reyes.

"So, things still good with that one? She's never boring, if you know what I mean."

Jay laughed half-heartedly because there was some truth to his words but not like he implied.

"Oh, I know what you mean."

Erin was anything but boring. Their conversations were never dull and being just as stubborn as him, they were always teasing and trying to one up the other. The banter that existed between them gave them a great friendship that Jay wished could be more. But with Allie's pregnancy, he wasn't sure they could ever be more than friends.

"I've gotta say, she may have met her match. I have never seen her come home so exhausted."

Well he could explain that since they stayed up until all hours talking about everything and everything. Erin said she could sleep when she's back in her room, because she wanted to spend as much time with him as possible. She said tomorrows weren't guaranteed and with their situation, she wanted to make the most of it.

But Jay couldn't help but feel bothered by Reyes' phrasing. Erin has never once called this place home. She said she's never felt at home anywhere in her life. He so desperately wanted to change that, to give her that sense of home. To him, the last time he felt at him was when his mom was still alive. The night they had the discussion of home, he opened up about his mom. But he didn't say he felt at home with Allie. Erin knew he had a girlfriend, he had told her at some point during their late-night talks, but he said he had never been in love with her for a long time. At some point, they became comfortable with each other and that spark got lost.

At some point during this operation he got that spark back, and Erin was the reason for it. Something inside him was different and unlike anything he ever felt with Allie. But it hurt thinking about it now because when this was over, he was scared that spark would die. He was going to have a child and he wasn't about to be his father and not be there. He would make it work with Allie for the sake of their child, because that's what you do as a parent, you put the needs of your child before your own.

"Chase? You still with me buddy?" Reyes asked.

Jay shook his head to snap himself out of his internal battle before taking another sip of coffee.

"Yeah man, sorry, had a rough night. The super in my building thought it was a great idea to repair some shit at 3 in the morning and it took forever to fall asleep."

It was an obvious lie but he really didn't sleep, as his mind was too preoccupied with two women: the one he loved and the one he was in love with.

Reyes believed it though, the laughter coming from him proof.

"What an ass, but he probably gets his kicks off being annoying to the residents. I swear they all do."

Jay let out a fake laugh as well and set his now empty mug on the coffee table.

"Anyways, I should get going, maybe I can get some sleep in. If he's working at night, that means I can sleep during the day, right?"

Reyes laughed and stood with Jay. "Pretty sure that's how that works."

Jay moved towards he elevator but stopped when he heard his name called.

"Let me know about your contact sooner rather than later. Don't wanna have to break a deal."

 _Trust me,_ Jay thought, _neither do I._

* * *

"You ready?" Jay asked the woman next to him. He glanced over at her to find her adjusting her belt and quickly turned back to focus his eyes through the windshield. His mind was going a mile a minute, but he didn't have time to dwell on the unimportant, it was go time.

"Ready when you are, Halstead," Hailey responded and he shifter the car into drive. He had picked her up about an hour ago at O'Hare to give any of Reyes' guys the idea that she was just coming in from overseas. They had stopped briefly at his place to "drop off her bags" but really to go over last-minute details and were now heading back to the warehouse. A small part of him hoped Erin would be there but at the same time he didn't want her to be, for fear of any unsuspecting danger that could hurt her or the baby.

As he drove, his mind wandered to Erin. She still hasn't gotten any official confirmation about whether she was pregnant but she didn't want to know now, not with everything going on. She did promise him that once this was all put behind him, she would allow him to drag her to his sister-in-law, Natalie, and have her all checked out.

Jay found his mind being more focused on Erin and her possible baby than his own, but he kept telling himself he was simply projecting his protective nature onto Erin while he couldn't be with Allie. A small part of him kept whispering that what he had with Erin was more than what he ever had with Allie. But the baby inside Allie was happening and it was his and that was one of the only things he was sure about right now besides his own name.

"You okay, Halstead?" Upton asked.

"Yeah, just ready for this to be over, you know how it is with undercover."

That was the truth though, he wanted this to be over, so he could go home. But home didn't have the same meaning anymore. Because home didn't mean to Allie and his baby, as it should, and home wasn't the one-bedroom shit-show of an apartment he had been living in. Because at some point home became a person, a person that was making him suddenly question everything in his life, because at some point during these last two months, everything changed.

The remainder of the car ride passed in relative silence, allowing them both to get into the mindset of their undercover personas. Eventually Jay pulled up alongside the warehouse, immediately spotting the guards and inventorying their weapons. In the time he has spent around these guys, he has mapped out everything. Each guard had two handguns on their person and they were standard 9mm issued. He guessed they had additional magazines on them as well.

"Ready?" he asked.

"Let's go," Upton replied as she stepped out of the car.

Jay led the way over to the door, nodding at the two men standing out front before walking in, Upton close behind. He didn't have to wonder long about where Reyes was, as Erin was standing just inside the door, and the look on her face worried him.

"Erin," he said, trying to keep from slipping from his undercover persona.

"Chase, Jordan is waiting," she replied, her eyes moving back and forth between him and Upton.

"She's fine," he whispered, and Erin just nodded.

"This way," she said, turning on her heel. He followed, looking over his shoulder at Upton briefly before turning his attention back to Erin.

They ended up back in the one room he saw the first time he was here, the one filled with weapons. Reyes stood at a table in the middle, two more guys with him.

"Jordan," Erin announced as they walked in. He looked up from something on the table and gave a sick smile that made Jay's skin crawl. She then made her way over to the guys, standing beside them and a little too close to Reyes for his comfort.

"Chase, good to see you again buddy."

Jay shook his hand before turning back to Upton.

"This is Rebecca Edwards," he introduced as Reyes extending his hand to her.

"Nice to meet you," Upton said.

"And you as well. Now let's get down to business, I have a busy day."

They walked back over to the table which now held a few different weapons, two hand guns and three different rifles Jay instantly identified, all of which are standard military issued. The three of them talked shop for a while before coming to agreement.

"Now I understand you worked with Chase here overseas?" Reyes asked.

Upton nodded before elaborating. "Yes, I was a part of the cultural support team attached to Baker's unit."

"And what exactly does that entail, if you don't mind me asking?"

Shit, Jay wasn't sure if she knew but he was beginning to get a bad feeling, spurred on by the rigidity of Erin's posture.

"Essentially we are there to help the soldiers. We could talk to women and children while men could not."

Ok, Mouse prepped her. Maybe this would be fine.

"So, women and children weren't allowed to talk to men?"

"Yes, unless it was their husband. Children were often scared and stuck close to the women, making them unapproachable by men."

He could feel Upton getting nervous with all these questions.

"What about pregnant women?"

Jay's blood boiled. There was no way…

Next thing he knew, Reyes had grabbed onto Erin's arm and yanked her towards him.

"Is there anything about not talking to pregnant women, considering they are carrying their husband's property?"

Reyes' eyes were wild and looking right at Jay, as were Erin's, but hers were softer and still scared. The fear he had once seen was back.

"So, I take it you know our girl is pregnant?"

Jay swallowed. He couldn't breathe, couldn't speak but Reyes continued.

"Wonder who the lucky daddy is? I'm sure you have your suspicions, but you just might never know."

At that moment, he pulled a gun, pointing it straight at Jay. He knew he wasn't the father, but Reyes suspected it and he would gladly play along if that meant Erin might make it out of here unharmed. Upton was looking between them both, her eyes silently asking Jay that single question.

 _Not yet,_ he replied.

"Hey man," Jay began, his hands going up to show he was unarmed. "She has nothing to do with this, let her go."

"Oh, she has everything to do with this. I was nervous about you, coming around and suddenly asking for her to have all to yourself? I mean, I get it, she's a looker, but other than that there's not much."

Jay had to fight everything in himself to not lunge at this guy and kill him with his bare hands. But he needed to keep him talking because he was on the verge of slipping up.

"And now she's pregnant and well, I can't have that. What will the other girls think, one of their own getting knocked up? And my other clients, what would they think knowing the girl in charge of their girls is pregnant? Hmm, well there is one simple solution."

The scream that left Erin made his blood run cold as he watched Reyes pull her closer, one hand on her throat and the other pressing the gun against her side. Tears filled her eyes as she struggled to breathe and Jay knew this was all hitting her. She didn't know who the father was, and she still didn't even know if she was pregnant. There was a chance she was about to lose a baby she wasn't 100% sure was real.

"Any last words for your baby or the mother? I know how fond you've grown of Erin."

At the moment, Jay didn't think. His eyes moved to Upton, silently telling her to follow his lead. His hand moved to the hem of his shirt, lifting it enough that his fingers brushed against the gun in the waistband of his jeans.

"Don't move."


	9. Chapter 9

**Wow, two updates back to back? This is a record haha, and there is one more chapter until I am all caught up here! YAY!**

 **Real quick though, be sure to favorite/follow/whatever you need to do to get updates from me, as in the next few days I will be posting the first fics of two collections I have been writing filled with all kinds of things!**

 **Much love, and enjoy!**

* * *

"Don't move."

Jay stood where he was, not quite believing what was going on. He knew that voice, would know it from anywhere and yet, it always managed to send chills down his spine.

"Chicago PD, you're all under arrest."

Jay didn't move and from the corner of his eye, he could see that neither did Upton. He knew she was wired and the team was nearby, but he didn't expect this. He wasn't sure if he should blow his cover or not, but he had his answer the second he felt Ruzek behind him.

"Hands where I can see them," Ruzek ordered and Jay raised his hands, his eyes darting between Upton, Reyes and Erin, who was looking right at him. She was trying to take her cues from him and as his eyes settled onto hers as Ruzek patted him down, she obliged.

He didn't flinch when Ruzek yanked the gun from his belt, obviously needing to keep up appearances. They could still use his cover against Reyes if needed so why blow it now? He looked around to see Antonio behind Upton doing the same and he was thankful that Burgess was cuffing Erin.

"Which one of you is the rat?" yelled Reyes as he struggled against Atwater.

"Shut up," Atwater shot back before roughly leading him away. Other uniforms followed suit in leading Reyes' men out until the only people that remained were the unit, minus Atwater and Olinsky, and Erin.

"Thanks guys," Upton said as Antonio unlocked the handcuffs.

Ruzek and Burgess did the same and all Jay could do was keep his eyes on Erin. She was slowly calming down, but she was still scared. That fear in her would probably never go away until Reyes was in a cell and sentenced to life.

"Jay," she whispered and next thing he knew she was walking towards him. Her pace picked up and suddenly she was in his arms.

"Hey, hey, it's over, you're fine," he whispered into her hair. He soon felt lone tears on his neck, but he couldn't find it in him to care. She had just been through hell and he knew there was no place else she would rather be than with him. And, if he was being honest, he felt the same.

"Erin," he whispered, trying to push her back so he could see her face. She complied, and his hand moved to cup the side of her face. He wasn't sure if she realized it, but she leaned into his touch, her eyes falling shut before opening again, giving him a look at those gorgeous hazel eyes that drew him in that very first day and every day since.

"Everything is going to be okay," he said, reminding her of the manta they had come to use almost every day. His lips found her forehead and his own eyes closed as he tried to remember this moment.

This moment and everything else could be gone in a second, because they were suddenly forced back into reality. No more late nights up talking or watching the other sleep. No more whispered promises and dreams of what could be. Those dreams were shattered and that in turn shattered his heart. But at the same time, it all felt right. Everything about this felt right, and a damn undercover mission was what he needed to find her.

"Hey, I hate to break this up," Antonio said. "But we've got to get to the district."

Jay sighed, pulling back from Erin to simply rest his forehead against hers. Their moment had become so personal, but he didn't care. This was enough, and this is what he needed, what they both needed.

"You're going to the doctor," he told Erin after a few more minutes of silence. Her own head snapped back so she could look him in the eyes, but there was no look of betrayal of hurt. Her eyes agreed with him, even as he knew she would verbally put up a fight.

"Jay…" she tried but he interrupted her.

"No buts," he said. "But, if it will make you feel better, I will send you to my sister-in-law. Natalie will take care of you. I trust her with my own life and I trust her with yours."

Erin sighed before nodding, giving in because he was right. She knew that she needed to go get looked at by a doctor. Jay had been worried ever since she shared her suspicions and she was too. The thought of Natalie taking care of her did ease some of the tension he had since he knew she would be going to Med and she would be safe while he would be at the district.

"Let's go, I'll drop you off at Med."

"And you'll come back for me, right?"

Jay nodded. "Of course, Erin."

She let him take her hand and followed the team. He saw Upton hanging back and knew she was going to hitch a ride with someone else and he was immensely thankful for his partner in that moment.

"Everything is going to be okay," he repeated once more, leaning over to place the lightest kiss on her temple.

* * *

Walking back up the stairs to the bullpen, Jay felt a huge weight lift off his shoulders. Being back in a familiar environment was a relief and he knew everything about his surroundings. He could hear the laughter of Atwater and Burgess, which told him that Ruzek did or said something stupid. That alone had him laughing to himself, because it meant he was back with these lovable idiots.

"Look who's back!" Antiono said and Jay had to laugh again.

"Aww, did you all miss my smiling face?" he asked, giving Antonio a fist bump and accepting a hug from Burgess. They continued the banter until Voight's voice broke the conversation.

"Two of Reyes' men are down in the cage and the others are in lockup. Reyes is in interrogation. Halstead, you're observing first, but I will let you have a crack at him. Antonio, with me."

Jay definitely wanted a crack at him, but he needed to hear how Erin was doing first. Knowing how she was would determine just how he was going to approach this. Will had texted him as he was walking into the district that physically, she was fine, and they were waiting on test results.

"Jay," Upton said, motioning him over to the hallway leading downstairs. That enough told him this would be a personal talk and he silently thanked her for leading them away from the ears of the rest of their team.

"What's up?" he asked, crossing his arms as he leaned against the wall.

"How's Erin?" she asked, diving right in. He let out a sigh, shifting his weight as he tried to compose himself.

"Will said she's physically okay. They're waiting on test results."

"Test results including," she trailed off.

Jay avoided eye contact then, suddenly finding his boots more interesting than answering her question.

"Jay, I was there. I heard what was said. Is Erin pregnant?"

He sighed again, but he knew this question would be coming up, if not from her, but from Voight. The team had heard everything, and he knew someone would eventually ask.

"I don't know, she doesn't know. Erin kept saying she was going to get checked out, but she was scared with Reyes sniffing around."

"Did he…" she began but Jay interrupted her before she could finish.

"I don't know for sure, but she's implied it. He's hit her many times, so we can get him on assault for sure. He is going away regardless."

Upton nodded her head as she moved to head back into the bullpen, but stopped before she walked through the door.

"Let me know if I can do anything, okay?"

Jay nodded in return, but his mouth started moving before his mind could process he was speaking.

"Actually, can pick up Erin from Med? I would go but…" he asked, but Upton interrupted him this time.

"Of course," she replied, before leaving him to his thoughts.

* * *

It took every fiber of his being to not barge in there and strangle this guy with his bare hands. Reyes hadn't said anything specific about Erin yet, but the things he was saying made his blood boil. He was treating this like a joke while it was anything but. At this point, he didn't even want a crack at him, at least in the interrogation room. His thoughts of what he could do in the cage were interrupted by the ringing of his phone. He didn't even take two seconds to compose himself, just saw the name flash on the screen and immediately answered.

"Is she okay?" he barked into the receiver.

"Hi Jay, nice to hear from you, glad you made it out alive," his brother retorted.

"Is she okay?" he repeated, not having time for his brother's shit.

"She is fine, ready to get out of here. Are you going to come get her?"

Jay looked down at his watch and knew he didn't wanna waste a chance to deal with Reyes, regardless of how much he wanted Erin back here where he could see her.

"I'm busy, but I'm gonna send Hailey to get her. She'll be there soon." He paused then, trying to decide if he should make his next move.

"Do you want to talk to her?" Will asked, beating him to the punch.

"Yes," he said quickly. There was some shuffling and he could faintly hear his brother tell Erin he was on the phone.

"Jay?" she asked, her voice soft as he always knew it to be.

"Hi," he replied, glad he was alone in the observation room.

"How are you doing?" he asked after a few moments.

He heard her sigh and that worried him but her soft voice filled his ear before he could worry more.

"I'm okay, everything is fine," she replied. "I just want to get out of here."

"I know," he chuckled. "I am going to send my partner, Hailey. She's the one that was with me today. Is that okay?"

She paused but answered quickly. "Yeah, that's okay. Where am I going to go?"

"You'll come here, so I can keep an eye on you."

Erin laughed, and it was the first time in a while he had heard that laugh. That simple sound released some of the tension he was harboring from the past few months and he had never been more grateful for that sound.

It was that sound that reminded him of the situation he was in.

"I'll see you then," she said.

"See you then," he echoed before hanging up.

Another deep sigh escaped him, as some tension built back up. The longer he stood in the bullpen, in his world, the more he was reminded of what was waiting at home. Allie was pregnant, and he still didn't know about Erin. But today told him what he knew in the back of his mind. He had fallen in love with Erin, and he was more in love with her than his actual live-in girlfriend. Erin was the thing he felt he was missing in his life, and it was this damn case that brought her into his life, however crazy that might be.

He shot off a quick text to Hailey before his phone rang again.

Jay stared down at his phone, watching Allie's name flash up on the display. He couldn't bring himself to end it – ending their relationship and her subsequent never-ending worry that surrounded his job. The same job that he wouldn't trade for the world, and would willingly end his relationship with his high school sweetheart for. He had already put her through enough.

He stared for a moment longer before picking it up, having made up his mind.

* * *

Jay had been hoping that Erin would be here first, because seeing her would help. But luck was not on his side as Platt came up stairs instead of his partner and Erin.

"Hey Halstead, Allie is here to see you," she said flatly before retreating downstairs. The few people that were in the bullpen turned towards him and he stood, making his way to the front desk. He caught the look Mouse gave him, one of encouragement, as he passed his best friend.

The trek downstairs seemed to go on forever and the closer he got to the front of the district, the heavier his feet felt. Platt gave him a look as he pushed the gate open, pointing to the always vacant office off the stairs. No good conversations ever happened in that room.

He took a deep breath, his heart suddenly beating faster when he saw that strawberry blonde hair. He could only see the back of her and she didn't look like she had changed at all. The first thing he felt upon seeing her again scared him, and it wasn't what he felt anytime he saw Erin.

Before he could walk in, he heard his name being spoken by that raspy voice that caused his groin to tighten involuntarily.

"Erin," he said, turning to see her standing beside Upton beyond the front doors. A part of him was thankful to either Natalie or Upton, he wasn't sure, because she was wearing new clothes, clean clothes that he knew she felt comfortable in.

"Hey," she replied, smiling softly. She pulled the sweater around her torso and his eyes subtly fell to her stomach.

"Umm," he began, his eyes shifting back to the office where Allie was, who, luckily, hadn't noticed him. Thank god for closed doors.

"I've gotta talk to Allie," he said, motioning to the closed office. "But, just go upstairs and I'll be up soon, and we can talk."

"Oh," she said, looking down. Jay cursed himself, because she knew the story. He saw the sadness in her eyes and could guess what she assumed.

"Hey," he whispered, stepping forward to take her hand in his. He squeezed it gently, and her attention was brought back to him.

"I'm not breaking my promise to you."

Erin nodded, her eyes filling with tears, but she quickly wiped them away.

"Come on, I'll get you some coffee and we will find you something to eat," Upton interrupted. Erin nodded before allowing herself to be led away. Jay caught his partner's eye and sent her a silent thank you. Turning back to the office, where Allie's back was still to him, he walked over and knocked lightly on the door.

"Hey," he said, walking in and closing the door behind him. He wasn't prepared for what was before him.

Allie stood there, eyes red and sunken like she had been crying nonstop and getting no sleep.

"Jay," she whispered. She moved to hug him, and he felt her release a deep breath. The entire atmosphere in the office was tense and Jay's own demeanor shifted to match it.

"I, Antonio called me after the bust," she mumbled, stepping back to put some distance between them. "He promised to call me when you were officially back."

"I take it he's taken care of you like he said he would?"

Allie nodded, her gaze shifting downwards. She was clearly avoiding him and that was scaring him.

"Allie, you're scaring me," he said, voicing his thoughts. "Is everything okay?"

She didn't answer, moving to sit down in one of the chairs. Jay moved as well, sitting on the desk so he could look at her.

"So," she began, her voice becoming shaky. "I went to an appointment, for the baby. I wanted to surprise you with a sonogram picture, kinda like a welcome home present, you know?"

She trailed off, fidgeting with her hands and avoiding him at all costs. He was freaking out now, but he could tell she needed to get this off her chest. His mind was going overdrive, running down every possible scenario.

"So, when I got there, the nurse, she, she couldn't find a heartbeat. They later determined pregnancy was ectopic because of my implant and, umm, she said there would have been very little chance for the baby to survive."

Jay's heart dropped to his stomach. There was no baby. His damn job took him away from Allie when she needed him the most and it caused him to lose his baby.

"Allie…" he began, his own voice becoming softer and he felt tears well up in his eyes.

"Umm, there's something else I need to tell you."

His heart dropped further. He couldn't imagine what is going to be worse than the news that his baby wasn't a baby.

"Well, everything so inflamed that they had to surgically remove the egg and the doctor after, umm, he told me I was only about 8 weeks along, and, umm, based on that, you couldn't have been the father, Jay."

That sentence was a punch in the gut and it was that sentence that sent him over the edge. Suddenly, his heart rate picked up again and the tears forming in his eyes disappeared. He slowly felt every emotion he had felt over the past two months come back in full force.

"What?" he said a little more harshly than intended.

"Jay, I'm sorry," she began, but he cut her off.

"You mean to tell me that some asshole got you pregnant while I was undercover? What the hell, Allie? You would've had to sleep with him the day I left!"

She was silent, definitely avoiding him now. There was something else, he knew.

"What else?" he spat out, his anger getting the best of him. The last ten minutes had been more than the last two months and with the way things were going, there was not telling what else would come out of her mouth or his own.

"It wasn't a one-night thing, Jay. I, we've been seeing each other for a while."

"You've been cheating on me?"

Allie just nodded, giving up defending herself.

"I wanted so badly to believe this baby was yours, because maybe we could fix this. This relationship has been strained for years, you haven't taken the next step and I, I needed something more and I slipped up."

"How do you slip up and onto another guy's dick?"

She stood then, and he knew she had pushed her buttons as well.

"Oh, I'm the bad guy? Don't think I didn't see what happened before you walked in here! You're not a saint, either!"

"That's rich, Allie. I never did anything with Erin, it was an act. I was undercover, and you know I would never do anything like that undercover because it gets messy. Nothing happened because you were my girlfriend, and I respected you, but I guess it doesn't matter because you clearly don't respect me if you're off fucking some other guy!"

They were both furious now and standing, but Jay towered over her and for once he was willing to use his stature in hopes of getting her to back down.

"The reason I didn't take the step was because I didn't want you to live a life you don't deserve. This operation showed me that I couldn't do that to you, because you deserve better. Hearing about the baby, that changed things. I was going to swallow my pride and be there for you and the baby. I was going to be the dad I didn't have growing up. But now, I don't know what to think, because you felt it was okay to cheat on me to find some satisfaction instead of talking to me. So, congrats Allie, I hope you're happy."

She opened her mouth many times only to close it, clearly speechless. Jay spotted people eyeing the office and he knew their voices carried but he didn't care.

"I'm sorry you had to go through that, because you don't deserve that. But, I don't think I can forgive you."

Without saying another word, he left the office and headed back upstairs, his body suddenly needing the presence of the brunette sitting up there. The decision he made earlier was still in his mind and he had a new sense of determination coursing through his veins.


	10. Chapter 10

**The long-awaited and most recent chapter is here! So I can now say, please leave ideas, suggestions or anything you want to see with this going forward!**

 **Thank you to you all for the comments and reviews, and as always, they make my day and motivate me to update quicker!**

 **I also have two other fics I am planning on positing in the next few days, so stay tuned, and enjoy!**

* * *

Jay's legs felt like lead by the time he reached the top of the stairs. The past few hours had been more draining that the last two months, and the last 10 minutes had been enough of an emotional toll to last the next year.

It wasn't his baby and it was never his baby. A part of him wondered whether Allie had an idea that it wasn't his since apparently, she was cheating on him.

The other part of him wondered how he could have been so stupid and missed all the signs. Since she dropped that bomb, his mind was working overtime to pick apart their relationship and figure out where they went wrong. He immediately went to blaming himself because that's what he did. He admits he wasn't always there and it was hard and a struggle, but he worked his ass off to be able to provide for them. Being a public defender didn't earn much, and while being a cop wasn't any better, she deserved the best.

Although in her mind, he wasn't the best.

"Jay?" came a soft voice. He looked up to see his partner standing in front of him, trying to discern what was wrong.

"Are you okay? Is Allie okay?" she asked.

He suddenly couldn't breathe, and he felt anger building at the mention of Allie's name.

"Jay," Upton repeated and before she could finish her thought he made a beeline for the locker room. The white noise that filled his head was deafening and his body was on autopilot. He barely made it to the trash can there before the little food from his breakfast came back up.

He could feel a hand on his upper shoulder and he was too caught up to care that his privacy was being invaded. The knowledge that his longtime girlfriend had been cheating on him brought his walls down and in that moment, he felt like his dignity was gone.

"You good?" she asked, not expanding at all.

The noncommittal grunt that left him should have told her he was not. He grabbed a paper towel, the force he used ripping it in half. Great, he thought, what else could go wrong. As he wiped his mouth to rid himself of the taste, a water bottle entered his line of sight and he looked to see his partner handing it to him, a sympathetic smile on her face.

"Thanks," he muttered, taking the bottle and chugging half of it. A silence fell over the partners and he knew it wouldn't be long until she asked again and while he was itching to go to Erin, he knew that it would be best to get his frustrations out now.

"What's going on?" she asked.

Jay sighed, moving to sit down on the bench while Hailey remained standing, her arms crossed as she waited for an answer.

"It's not mine," he whispered and to his surprise, he felt a weight leave him.

"What?" she blurted, shocked at the revelation. Hailey had gotten to know Allie over the years, and would consider them to be friends. It came with being the person that had her boyfriend's back at work, but, to her knowledge, Allie never viewed her as a threat.. But never would she think Allie would cheat on Jay.

"Yep. And apparently has been cheating on me for a while," Jay muttered, the anger coming back to the surface.

"Wow," was all Upton could say.

"You're telling me," he replied before he downed the rest of the water. Leaning forward with his elbows on his knees, he sighed, the knowledge that his relationship was over finally hitting him. A six-year relationship, a more than ten-year friendship, over with a fifteen-minute conversation.

"Is there anything I can do?" she asked. Jay shook his head, mumbling an almost incoherent "no" before looking back up at his partner.

"Is Erin still here?" he questioned. Upton just nodded, giving him the answer he wanted so badly.

"She's in the break room, waiting for you."

Jay nodded and stood, wiping his palms that weren't exactly sweaty on his jeans, but it gave him something to do.

"Go talk to her, Voight wants me to take a crack at Reyes, but he still doesn't now you're a cop. For all he knows, you're in the room next door."

He nodded again, moving towards the door. Before he could leave, he turned back to face his partner.

"Thanks," he said, his voice returning to normal and he felt lighter. Maybe it was the fact that he now felt unburdened by his previous relationship or that he had a partner that managed to say what he needed to hear without prying. But he suspected it might have something to do with the girl waiting in the breakroom.

* * *

He didn't walk in right away, instead taking a moment to just watch her. Not in a creepy way, of course, but he knew the second he talked to her, it would all change. Their lives, the outcome of whatever this was between them, it would change.

She couldn't see him at all, as her back was to him while she looked out the window. He couldn't help but wonder why, because there was nothing outside that window except apartment buildings and patrol cars. But, far in the distance was the Chicago skyline. He would know, he's looked out that window enough times.

Knocking lightly on the door frame, he didn't wait for her to turn around before he walked in and shut the door behind him. He knew this would be a private conversation and he wasn't sure that either of them wanted his whole unit to be privy to their lives.

"Hey," he said, and he felt lighter as a smile graced her face.

"Hi," she replied, moving towards him.

Without words, he motioned for her to take a seat on the couch before sitting beside her. She tensed a little as they sat there, neither saying a word. Jay felt a little disappointed that he couldn't smell the sweet scent of her shampoo he had come to love, as it was replaced by something that smelled of a hospital. He knew that scent well, as he had been at Med enough that smell was distinct. Erin played with her fingers in her lap, obviously trying to keep busy as they knew there would be a conversation coming. Before he could catch what he was doing, he reached over, his left hand covering her own, and squeezing lightly, letting her know he was here.

"Are you okay?" he asked after the silence was becoming unconfutable. He wasn't sure what he was expecting but Erin just shrugged.

"I don't know," she mumbled, not looking up from her lap where their hands were intertwined.

"What did Nat say?"

A sigh left her, and she finally looked up and he noticed her eyes were now red and beginning to fill with tears. Up close, he could finally see that the recent events were catching up with her. There was nothing more he wanted than to lock them away and shut out the world. A month ago, he would have thought those thoughts were crazy, but now? Now they felt right.

"I'm not pregnant," she said after a beat and the tears began falling. Something had told him that a part of her wanted this baby, but he never dared to voice that idea, back before all that was happening now. But now it was clear that the reality was bothering her.

"How do you feel?" he asked. She sat there, and he moved his hand up to wipe away the tears on her cheeks.

"I don't know. I feel like I should be relieved, because if today taught me anything, it was that I didn't want that asshole's baby. But, knowing I'm not pregnant, it sucks. It fucking sucks. And why? I'm not fit to be a mother."

"You would be a great mother," Jay interrupted.

"Oh really?" she replied dryly. "What kind of baby wants a mother who was an addict? A prostitute? Someone who worked for the biggest piece of scum in Chicago? People like me aren't met to be mothers, Jay, unlike Allie who was meant to have a baby."

He felt a pang to his heart, not realizing those words would cut him. It was more so that she felt that way about herself than her comment about Allie.

"Erin," he began but she cut him off.

"You're better off without me," she whispered, looking back down. "You can leave, go back to Allie. I'm sure you have a lot to catch up on."

"Erin," he tried again.

"You don't need to say anything. I've been alone most of my life, so it's nothing new."

"It's not my baby."

There, he said it again and it hurt less than he thought. Verbalizing it once more erased the tension and worry he had and replaced it with something else, but he wasn't sure what.

"What?" Erin asked, her head snapping up to look at him.

"Allie's not even pregnant, well, not anymore. She was, but it was never my baby. She cheated on me."

"Jay," Erin whispered, repeating his earlier actions and squeezing his hand.

"I don't know why I feel relieved, but I do," he stated. Now that he had said it, he felt the need to tell her everything.

"A part of me feels bad that she lost the baby, but also a little relieved because the baby wasn't even mine to begin with. Does that make me a bad person?"

"No, it doesn't," Erin replied. "It makes you human. Your long-term girlfriend cheated on you and got pregnant with another man's baby. You're allowed to feel this way."

Jay sighed before looking over her head and out the window she was previously looking out of. Even as his whole world was crashing around him, sitting here felt like the closest thing he's had to feeling like home again.

That was another thing he now had to think about. Home. He couldn't go back to the apartment he and Allie shared. She might not even be there, maybe still back with her parents, but he could never go back there.

"I don't even know what to do now," he whispered, his eyes still looking out at the city.

"Well a smart man once told me everything would be okay, so maybe you just need to hold on to that?"

Jay laughed for the first time in what felt like forever. His attention shifted back to Erin who was smiling at him in return. He was pretty sure she was the only person to snap him out of a toxic mindset and he would forever be grateful for that. In the few months knowing her, life felt better, it felt right. And that is what scared him the most.

He looked down at their joined hands, taking a second to marvel at how perfectly her hand looked in his own, like they were made for the other.

"We will figure something out," he whispered, looking back up at her. Erin smiled again and unlike all the times he had seen that smile before, this one reached her eyes. He could see she was happy and that made him believe that this would be okay.

Their moment, however, was cut short by Upton's reappearance.

"Hey," she said, knocking lightly on the door and sticking her head in.

Jay's attention left Erin as he turned towards his partner, hoping this was good enough to pull him away from Erin. The look on his partner's face told him maybe it was.

"Voight wants to see you, both of you."

* * *

"You want to do what?" he asked, needing more clarification as to what his boss just said.

"He still doesn't know you're a cop and I think we should finally use that to our advantage. But not exactly just yet," Antonio explained.

"So, you want me to go in the cage as my cover and what? Just sit there with him," he nearly spat. He was so close to pacing around the bullpen but he was stopped instantly by warm fingers creeping under his shirt.

His attention shifted to Erin who was looking down at the ground, but he knew what she was doing. It was something she had started when they got into this and he had to bite back a smile as he remembered that night.

It was shortly after he got Allie's letter and he literally could not even begin to process what was going on. Erin had just gotten out of the shower and she was ordering a pizza for delivery. He had been so caught up in his thought that he didn't hear her walk back over. All of the sudden, he had felt her fingers under his shirt, right above his belt. She didn't say anything, just softly kneaded into the small of his back.

It was the same thing she was doing now and he felt some of his frustration dissipate.

"We're going to throw you in there together, make him think we're still holding you two. Just play along with it, make it seem like we're closing in."

"So you want me to try and make him confess?" Jay asked.

"That's the hope."

Jay sighed, silently agreeing. He knew his team wouldn't have given an option like this unless they were out of options.

"You two," Voight began, motioning to him and Erin, "go wait in the locker room. Antonio will come get you when we're ready."

"Copy that," he replied, before grabbing Erin's hand and leading her to the locker room.

As soon as they were in the locker room, he let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. His eyes had slid shut and when they opened, he found Erin looking back at him.

"You sure you want to do this?" she asked.

His response was to shrug before he moved to walk over to her. Jay's eyes never left hers as his hands found her hips pulling her closer to him. He needed to feel her, to know that she was here, and it wasn't a dream.

"I'm so close to ending this," he whispered.

"Then end it," she replied.

Those three words seemed to switch on a lightbulb in his mind. It felt like those were the words he needed to hear that made everything fall into place.

He didn't think, just pulled her even closer and dipped his head down to capture her lips with his own. That was another thing that felt right, kissing her. Being around Erin just felt right and every second he spent near her further solidified the belief that this undercover op was supposed to happen, just so she could fall into his life.

Her fingers slipped back under his shirt but landed on his abdomen instead. He felt her fingertips outline the crevices along his torso before slipping further down. His own hands fell to her ass, slipping into to the pockets of the jeans she wore. They didn't move much, both wanting to stay in the moment for as long as they could.

Eventually they pulled apart, as the need for air became urgent, but their foreheads dipped to touch each others, as they couldn't fight the urge to not have contact in some way.

They lost track of time and how long they stood together when they heard a knock on the door. Jay turned around, his large frame blocking Erin's view of the door. Her arm found it's way to Jay's bicep, fingers barely curling around his upper arm as she peered around him ever so slightly.

"Ready?" Antonio asked, holding out a pair of handcuffs.

Jay just nodded before stepping forward, Erin's hand falling from his arm. His hands were outstretched to Antonio, who cuffed one wrist before turning him around to face Erin once more.

Jay could see the worry and fear in her eyes and he had to fight the urge to move away from Antonio and reach out to her. He had to tell her that there was nothing to worry about, because the team was there, and this would be one of the safest confrontations he's ever been in. But he also knew it wouldn't matter, because she would worry no matter what.

"It will be okay," he whispered, and she nodded slightly.

"Hailey will come get you in a second, so you don't have to be cooped up in here. This shouldn't take long," Antonio explained. "Here we go."

"Wait," Erin said, her voice steadier than it had been in a while. Both men stopped, and before either could understand what was going on, she was moving towards Jay. Reaching up on her tip toes, she grasped his face between her hands, kissing him once more, but this time, with something more. Jay wasn't sure what that something was, but he had a vague idea, and didn't have time to fully process it all, as the kiss was over as soon as it started. As his eyes opened, they met Erin's for a brief second, Antonio's "let's go" lost on his ears as he stared at the woman before him. That fire was back in her eyes and that gave him all the strength he needed to get through this.

* * *

"Dude, what the hell?" Jay spat as Antonio rather roughly pushed him into the roll up. He could sense Reyes' head snap towards the new people in the room.

"Man shut up," Antonio snapped back.

"I'm telling you, I've got nothing to do with him," Jay responded, keeping up with his cover.

"Yeah, that's for us and a jury to decide," said Adam, who yanked the cage door open, allowing Antonio to nearly shove Jay in there. The door slammed after him, the force rattling the rest of the fencing.

"You two try not to get into any trouble," Antonio said before turning to head back upstairs, Adam following behind. The room was silent until the door leading to the bullpen shut.

"What the fuck man?" Reyes whispered, even though it was pointless as they were the only two in the room.

"What are you talking about?" Jay replied, turning to face the other man.

Reyes laughed sarcastically before giving Jay a pointed look.

"Umm, are you stupid? Look around, dumbass, we're in a police station."

"And you think I'm snitching on you? I'm just a buyer, I've got nothing to do with your operation."

"That's where you're wrong," Reyes fired back. "Everyone I do business with is involved in some way, and you my friend, are a little more involved than most."

"And what the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"What it means," Reyes said, his voice dropping to an almost deadly whisper. "Is that I have let you further in that most of my clients, so you're going down with me. I've been doing this long enough that I have back up plans and trapdoors for anyone that tries to double cross me. You think you're just a buyer? I have evidence to say you're Erin's little boy toy who happens to be my weapons expert and a partner on that side of business. There's no way you're getting off the hook."

Reyes turned and began to walk towards the other end of the small space before turning around.

"Oh, and I also have evidence that you're the baby daddy. There's no way you or that little bitch can say anything different. So, don't try to say anything."

"Oh, I've already said plenty," Jay replied, his voice dangerously low. That statement cause Reyes to turn around, his eyes narrowing.

"I told them all about how I go played too and someone called the cops. Sure, I was just a buyer for a few guys, but that was all I knew about. Didn't know about any of the drugs or the girls or the money laundering and counterfeiting."

"I never told you about that," Reyes said, the anger in his eyes growing. "That little… she snitched to you, didn't she?"

"Didn't have to, my sergeant told me before I went undercover."

Reyes' eyes went wide, as the sudden turn of events caught him off guard. A tense silence fell over the room as neither man spoke.

"You're a cop?" Reyes spoke after a while. Jay just nodded, taking a step forward and squaring his shoulders.

"Yep, and we have enough on you to send you away for the rest of your life. It's over."

It was silent once again before that sickening laugh came from Reyes.

"Well, we both lose buddy, because she is just as involved as I am. She has done just as much in my organization as I have, and I'll make a deal and get her thrown into jail as well, so you might as well kiss that little whore goodbye."

The sound of metal snapping echoed around the room as Jay tugged more than necessary on the fake handcuffs to free himself. That was followed up with the sound of something breaking as Jay's fist connected with Reyes' jaw.

Jay saw nothing but red as those words were what finally did it. In a matter of second he had this guy on the ground and was holding nothing back. But it was soon over as he felt hands pulling him back and someone yelling his name.

"Jay! It's over, calm down!" Antonio said, pushing him across the room and Ruzek and Atwater got Reyes off the floor.

"Hey," Antonio said, his voice lower this time. "It's over. We got him."

He stood there, trying to catch his breath as he watched the man across the room. For once, he didn't seem like the big shot dealer, but it meant he knew it was over, that he was done.

"Go upstairs and wipe off the blood, get some ice and calm down. Okay?"

Jay just nodded, giving Reyes one last look before following Antonio's orders.

* * *

"Jay, what happened?" Erin asked as he entered the break room. She appeared to have been flipping through a magazine but what stopped him was the sight of his black hoodie hanging off her small frame. It was cold up here and he liked the thought that she just grabbed for it without hesitation. Even if she asked, he would have given it to her anyways.

"Things got a little heated," he replied, opening the freezer to get one of the many ice packs they kept on hand. "But it's over."

He couldn't see Erin, but he felt her moving and sure enough, the next thing he knew she was right next to him. She reached for a towel and wrapped the ice pack in it and set it down. He knew there was a look of confusion on his face because his hand kinda hurt but instead, she took his hands in her own, bringing them up to place the lightest kisses on his knuckles. That seemed to make some of the pain go away but it was probably his imagination.

"So what now?" she asked, looking down at his hands and covering them with the ice pack.

"I have no clue," he responded honestly. "I guess it's something we can figure out."

Erin looked up at him, surprise and confusion both clearly written all over her face. At any other time, he might have laughed at how adorable she looked, but the exhaustion of the case was setting in and he was still a little wound up from the events from downstairs.

He felt he should answer her silent question, bringing the less injured hand out from under the ice pack and moving it to her face. He wasn't sure if her skin was burning or it was the contrast of his cold hand, but it made the touch more electrifying, if possible.

"I'm not leaving you," he whispered, bringing her attention back to him. "That's not happening."

Erin nodded before opening her mouth. "It's really over?"

Jay copied her actions and nodded as well. "Yeah it is, and you're safe. He's never going near you again."

The tenderness of the moment was slightly broken as Erin's head fell to his chest. After a few moments, he felt warm tears seep through his shirt. Setting the ice pack on the counter and forgetting about the throbbing in his hands, his arms wrapped around her, pulling her in closer and trying to shield her from the outside world. He had silently promised when they first met he would do everything in his power to protect her and get her away from that life, and in that moment, he amended that promise, vowing to protect her for the rest of his life.


	11. Chapter 11

**Welcome back! Next part is here! Thank you all for your comments and ideas! They were extremely helpful in getting this written so quickly.**

 **I don't suspect I will have another part done until after the new year, so stay tuned!**

 **Happy Holidays!**

* * *

They stood there for who knows how long until Erin pulled away. Her eyes were red rimmed, and her mascara was slightly smudged as Jay brought his hand up to gently wipe it away. His hand remained on her face, cupping it gently and he felt Erin lean into his palm, a small smile appearing on her face. He could almost see the realization fall over her, that he would carry through with his promise to keep her safe and protect her.

"What now?" she asked softly, and he had to shrug, because he literally had no idea.

"I have no idea," he replied. "I've got to figure that out myself because I am basically homeless now."

Jay watched her face fall and backtracked his words.

"You're coming with me tonight, end of discussion."

Erin started to protest, but stopped short when he gave her a look he hoped showed there was no room for an argument. It seemed to do the trick.

"I'm not sure when we can duck out of here, and obviously not sure where we can duck out too. We may have to float around to people's houses in the meantime."

Erin nodded her head before looking back at him pointedly.

"I've got a question," she asked, and Jay just nodded his head as a silent yes.

"Umm, is there any way I can get any of my stuff back, from his apartment? There's not a lot I want, but I have a few personal items there."

"I'll see what I can do. The place is probably going to get searched tomorrow, but I will personally go if you tell me what you want."

"Ok," she replied. "There isn't much, just some photos of old friends, some books I loved and a few odds and ends. I don't have much, everything else of value is at your place. Well, whatever that place was."

Jay nodded as the wheels began turning in his mind. He knew they probably couldn't stay at the apartment that has been home for the last few months, but he still needed to get all their stuff that was there. Well, it was mostly his, but his heart swelled at the idea of calling it their stuff.

"Hold on," he said suddenly, pulling out his phone. He quickly unlocked it and pulled up the familiar number before bringing the phone to his ear. It rang awhile before a familiar voice answered.

"What's up? Are you okay?" Will asked.

"I'm fine, I just had a question," Jay answered.

"Okay? I'm on call so make it quick."

"Oh, damn, umm never mind them," Jay mumbled, suddenly worried he interrupted his brother seeing a patient or something. But he knew his brother would have ignored him if he called during an instance like that.

"Jay, I'm not busy. I'm sitting around waiting for test results. What's up?"

"Can I crash with you and Nat for a few days? Well, me and Erin?"

He didn't hear his brother answer, but Jay could tell he was talking to someone who he assumed was his wife.

"Nat is cool with it, but we're both working overnight, and Owen is home with the nanny, probably already asleep."

"It's cool," Jay said, cutting his brother off. "Honestly, we are beat, and I know you and Nat finally got him on a sleep schedule. We'll go to a hotel tonight and regroup tomorrow. That sound good?"

"Works for us," Will replied. "Hate to cut this short, but I just got test results back. I'll talk to you tomorrow."

"Sounds good, thanks Will."

"Anytime," Will replied before hanging up.

Jay ended the call, shoving his phone back into his pocket before turning his attention back to Erin.

"Hotel tonight, Will and Natalie's tomorrow," he stated, even though she heard his end of the conversation.

"Are you sure they are okay with me staying too? I didn't know they had a child and I don't want to intrude," she said, rambling while her hands emphasized her words.

"Hey, hey, hey," Jay whispered, placing his hands on her shoulders to calm her down. "They are perfectly fine with it. And you will love Owen, and besides, he is only a year old, so it's not like he is a newborn."

Erin let out a deep sigh, her eyes going around the room before settling back onto his own. She gave a timid smile before nodding.

"Okay," she said.

"Okay," Jay echoed. "Let me go see if they need me, but otherwise I think we can head out."

Erin nodded, and Jay's hands fell to Erin's own, squeezing lightly before making his way into the bullpen.

* * *

"Okay, let's go," Jay said, shifting the truck into gear and pulling out of the district parking lot. "First stop, my place."

He looked over to see Erin smile. There was no denying how cute she looked curled up in the passenger seat, her eyes on the road ahead as she took in the sights of Chicago. It was nearing ten o'clock and while by some standards that was still early, they were both absolutely exhausted. The events of the past day and a half were finally catching up to them and Jay wanted nothing more than to fall into a bed and sleep for the next 12 hours. Voight had given him the next few days off to get his life back in order and help Erin out too.

Jay had already made up his mind that he was going to ask her if she wanted to stay with him. He didn't want to force her, since that was what Reyes had done, but he wanted her close. Call it selfish or the need to protect her, it didn't matter. He told her that he would take care of her and he would.

The fifteen-minute drive to the complex took a little longer due to the city traffic, but they finally made it. Both walked up the stairs to the apartment where everything had fallen into place. A lot had happened in a short amount of time and the memories of being back here were a lot to take in. The silence between them was comfortable as they moved around, gathering clothes, toiletries and other things that were left around. It didn't take them more than a half hour to get everything together before they stood by the door of the small apartment.

"Seems like it was forever ago when I was going undercover," Jay said as he scanned the apartment. At least he didn't have to clean the place from floor to ceiling, but there was a part of him that would miss this place.

"Seems like yesterday I came here for the first time," Erin replied, her hand resting on the small of his back like she always did. The slight pressure she suddenly applied had Jay turning towards her to find a rather flirtatious smile on her face. It was infectious, and he felt the corners of his own lips curve upwards before leaning down to kiss her. He realized then this was the first time he got to really kiss her, no undercover personas, abusive criminals and cheating ex-girlfriends surrounding them. They were just two people savoring each other in the place that started it all.

Jay eventually pulled back as the need to sleep was beginning to settle in. If they didn't get a move on, he would have half a mind to drag her to the bed here and pass out. But his body was looking forward to sleeping on a comfortable hotel bed and getting a much-needed break from the crappy mattress in the bedroom here, and he was sure Erin felt the same way.

"Ready?" he asked her.

"Let's go," she replied. "But can we get food too?"

Jay laughed, as he knew that sooner or later she would ask, being the little foody she is.

"Of course, I'm starving."

"Good, because I want a burger."

* * *

Jay had stopped at the first hotel he saw that wasn't a hole in the wall and wouldn't completely break his wallet. Even while he wanted a decent bed to sleep in, he also wanted Erin to feel comfortable.

"Here we are," he said as he parked the truck along the street.

He watched Erin look out the window before nearly jumping out of her seat. She quickly turned back to him, her eyes wide in surprise.

"Jay, are you serious?" she asked, her voice becoming higher as she sat there in shock.

"Yes," he replied. "We're both exhausted and I want to get into a bed and sleep forever. Now let's go."

He didn't give her room for arguments as he opened his door and stepped out. He opened the back door and grabbed the bag in the back before making his way over to her. Once he reached the other side of the car, he took ahold of her hand, giving it a light squeeze before leading them towards the hotel doors. Jay tried not to notice the way her free hand wrapped around his bicep, almost as if she was holding onto him for fear he would be taken from her. He gave her a light kiss on the crown of her head as they walked into the lobby.

Jay had called before leaving the district to ensure they could get a room, and he was glad because there was a fair amount of people checking in at the late hour. He gave the receptionist his last name when they reached the counter but didn't pay much attention to what she was saying as he felt Erin's grasp on him tighten and her posture stiffen.

"Hey, are you okay?" he whispered as the receptionist moved to get the room keys.

"Yeah, umm, I'm fine."

"Erin," he replied pointedly. They were doing good with not keeping secrets and they weren't about to start now.

"Just," she stuttered, her eyes darting all over the place. "Can she hurry up?"

His detective skills kicked in then as he began scanning the lobby. It was fairly crowded for the late hour but there wasn't much that struck him as suspect. He was about to question her until his attention was captured by a man sitting in one of the oversized chairs in the lobby. Jay wouldn't have thought much about him but the way he diverted his eyes as Jay's landed on him was suspicious.

He turned back to face the reception desk and lowered his head to whisper to Erin.

"Grey jacket, white button up, green tie?"

Erin nodded, not moving her body to check his description.

"Okay," was all Jay said before being interrupted, thankfully, by the receptionist.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Halstead, but we only had rooms with king sized beds available. I know you requested," the receptionist explained before being cut off by Erin.

"That is fine," she said, her eyes trained on the young woman.

"Okay then, I'll just need you to sign here and you can be on your way."

Jay signed on the dotted line and he hadn't even set the pen down before Erin was swiping the room keys from the receptionist and grabbing his own hand, pulling him towards the elevators. He wasn't going to question her until they were safely locked in their room for the night. They stepped onto the elevator with another couple probably a few years older than them and a business man typing away on his phone. With their luck, they were on the highest floor and Erin's hands stayed wrapped tightly around his own hand and arm, just like before.

When they finally made it to their room, no words were spoken as they walked in. Erin made a beeline for the bathroom and Jay settled on unpacking the duffle they had crammed everything into from the apartment. He was so exhausted that he pulled out the first articles of clothing he could find, which were two of his shirts, a pair of Erin's cropped leggings and a pair of his athletic shorts. The toiletry bag also sat on top, which was planning on his part. He hadn't finished pulling everything out before Erin reemerged from the bathroom.

Her face had been scrubbed clean and he could see a few droplets of water along her hairline. The dark waves that had been down all day were thrown into a bun atop of her head. She walked over, sitting on the edge of the bed and grabbed his hands, pulling him over the stand in front of her.

"I'm okay," she said after a few minutes.

"Are you sure?" he asked and was answered with a small nod of her head.

"Yeah, I just overreacted a bit."

"What happened down there? Who was that guy?"

Erin sighed and looked towards the ceiling, her eyes rapidly blinking away the tears that were struggling to fall.

"Hey," Jay said, crouching down so he was closer to eye level. His hands stayed in hers, but rested on her lap and he gave them a light squeeze to let her know he was there.

"He, he hired me once," she said when her eyes met his again. "Back in the beginning when Jordan first brought me in."

"And you went back to that moment?"

"Yeah," she answered. "It was one of the very first times after I was on his payroll, and he was a regular, you could say. Business man that travels a lot and frequents Chicago every few months."

"That is in the past Erin," Jay said, hoping to reassure her that this was in the past. She would never have to deal with that life again.

"I know, I know, and it hit me in the elevator that he can't do anything. For a split second, I got nervous. But I also realized something else. The only people that have to know about that part of my life are the people I don't want to give a second of attention too, and the people I chose to tell."

She was crying now, and Jay moved one hand to wipe away the tears falling from her eyes.

"And you know what else I realized?" she asked.

"What?" he answered.

"I have a second chance, a do-over. Most people don't get one, and no one in that line of work ever do. But I got one, and it is all because of you."

The second those words were out of her mouth, his lips were on hers. Jay stood up, his hands cupping her face as her own held to his waist, pulling him closer to her. He didn't care that his back was screaming from the unnatural angle, but everything about this moment felt so natural.

"Thank you," Erin whispered against his lips. He answered her the only way he could think of and that was to kiss her again.

It all happened so quickly, yet so slow at the same time. His hands moved to the mattress, giving him leverage as he moved them further up the bed. No words were needed as Erin caught onto his actions, moving backwards, her lips never leaving his own until her back was against the headboard. He felt her warm fingertips graze the hem of his shirt and pulled back enough to grab the hem and yank it over his head.

He was pretty sure Erin had no idea how her body reacted to his newly exposed torso, but he took the opportunity to grasp her ankles and pull her back down the bed. The giggle that escaped her just might be his new favorite sound.

As he hovered over her, his hands on either side of her head, he stopped for a moment to take her in for all her beauty. A soft smile fell onto her lips as she turned her head to the side, placing a delicate kiss on his wrist before turning back to look up at him.

"What?" she asked softly.

"You're beautiful," he simply answered.

Just like that, the energy in the room changed as their mouths found each other's again, but every movement from them was slow and purposeful. Neither had ever felt this way and Jay himself marveled at how quickly they went from being flirty and playful to loving and tender.

His lips trailed down her neck and his hands found the hem of her own shirt when he realized she still had one on. He pulled back slightly, looking into her own eyes to find any indication she didn't want this. What he found made ever part of him filled with something so new and exciting: love. It was then he realized what he had with Allie was nothing compared to how he felt right now. And right now, everything just felt right.

The small nod of her head was followed by her shirt being peeled off and his lips resuming their place against her neck. Jay felt himself getting harder each time she arched up and against him. Her bra was the next thing to go and the feel of her tight nipples against his toned torso had him wanting more.

"Jay," she moaned as he took one into his mouth, her hand falling to the back of his head and her fingers threaded into his hair. He didn't wait long before giving the other the same attention and his eyes locked onto her own. Their eyes stayed locked with one another's as he travelled further down her body.

Reluctantly, he sat up as he unbuttoned her jeans before unbuttoning his own, desperate to rid himself of the confines of his pants that were becoming tighter with every sound she made. With one swift tug, he pulled her jeans down her legs, her panties coming too.

He watched her watching him as his hands fell to her legs. Her skin was smooth and soft under his calloused hands and he dropped kisses here and there along her thighs until he reached her core.

"Fuck," she whispered as he devoured her. Nothing had ever felt as good as the pleasure he was giving her. Everything about this moment felt special, because neither of them had ever felt this good and this loved before.

Jay's fingers dug into her hips as he tried to keep her from squirming about, but that didn't stop her legs from practically trapping him right where he was. Not that he would have minded, because he was pretty sure if he were to die right now, he would die a happy man.

It wasn't much longer until his name fell from her lips, louder this time, as she exploded around him. Even as she was riding out her orgasm, his mouth didn't leave her, and the aftershocks were just as intense as the real thing.

"Jay," she began, panting slightly and trying to catch her breath. "I need you, now."

The wicked grin that appeared on his face somehow gave her energy for round two. Within seconds, his jeans and boxers were on the floor and he was grabbing a condom from the toiletry bag that was now on the floor as well. It felt like forever from the time he left her until he was back again.

"Jay!" she cried when he slipped inside her. The feeling was one she had never experienced, and she had a pretty good idea this was a feeling she would experience again and again.

Her own name fell from his lips and before long, he was pounding into her, his hands bracing himself as the rested on either side of her head. The pleasure coursing through them was electric and made every nerve ending feel like it was on fire. Erin could feel her toes curling as her heels dug into the mattress, trying to give herself some leverage. Her hand came up to grab onto his wrist and she could feel the power in his body through that simple touch.

"Jay, Jay," she repeated, feeling herself close to that breaking point once again.

"Erin," he gritted out, but it still felt like a prayer. It wasn't much longer until their pleasure overcame them in waves and Jay nearly collapsed on top of her. It amazed Erin how even as the lower half of his body seemed to give out, his arms supported him to not crush her. His head fell to the crook of her neck as he lowered himself onto his forearms and he placed lazy kisses there as he came down from his own high. Her hand came to his back as she traced mindless patterns along his slick skin.

"I could fall asleep right here," she whispered, breaking the silence that had been there for who knows how long. Jay's hum of approval told her he was almost out as well, but he reluctantly pulled away to clean himself up in the bathroom. He had been gone for not even a minute and when he returned, she had already fallen asleep.

Jay smiled to himself as he moved to crawl under the covers, clothes be damned. He wasn't going to wake her, and she needed sleep. He managed to slide her body under the blankets and the exhaustion took over soon after.


	12. Chapter 12

**Ok, so this one has been a long time coming. It feels like forever since I have updated this, but here it is. Partly because I think I rewrote this chapter three times and partly because I wasn't sure if people were still interested. But I don't like not finishing what I started, so for those of you who are still around and reading, this one's for you.**

 **I'm not going to keep going on because you all deserve this, but I want to say thank you. For all the likes, reblogs, reviews, sweet words and so on. That is the reason I wanted to get this to you and finish it out.**

 **If there is anything you want to see, please leave suggestions! I want to keep this going to the end I see, but ideas are greatly appreciated.**

* * *

Waking up that morning felt like a dream. Neither of them could quite believe how they slept for as long and as deep as they did, but Jay supposed it had something to do with the fact that this was a fresh start. The first thing he noticed when he woke up was the scent of lavender. The second thing he noticed was how whole he felt with her lying next to him. His arms tightened around her waist, pulling her even closer to him, which he wasn't sure was possible, but apparently was. A small noise somewhere between a moan and a sound of dislike escaped her, and he couldn't hold back the chuckle that threatened to escape him.

"Morning," he whispered to Erin. The second groan that followed came from him and was the result of her stretching out and her bare ass rubbing deliciously against him.

"Good morning," she whispered back, turning over to face him. His moved his hand to prop his head up so he could look down at her.

"How did you sleep?" he asked, smiling at her and the sleepy expression she wore.

"I can't remember the last time I slept that good."

"Good," Jay replied, leaning down to kiss her. It was slow and lazy, perhaps the perfect way to describe their morning, as they both felt content to lay there and take the other in.

"Jay," Erin said, pulling away with a sleepy smile on her face. "As much as I would love to keep doing this, I'm hungry."

He couldn't help but laugh, but he had to admit, food and coffee sounded really good right now.

"Ok, you order something from room service, I am gonna check in with Will."

Erin nodded, and he pretended not to notice the look of hesitation that crossed her face momentarily. This was still new for her, but he didn't wanna push her too much.

"Get me some coffee and French toast. And bacon, extra bacon," he said over his shoulder, hoping that by giving her his order, she would get food for herself.

He could hear her on the phone with the receptionist, ordering food but he soon zoned out as his own phone connected with his brother's.

"Hey man," Will said as he answered. Jay could faintly hear his nephew in the background and smiled to himself.

"Hey, that offer still stand?" Jay asked.

"Of course," Will replied, "you are always welcome here, and Erin."

There was a pause and Jay waited to see if his brother would finish his thought.

"Speaking of, we're going to have a talk about why you are bringing over a woman that is not your longtime girlfriend."

"Will," Jay began, but was cut off as Erin wrapped her arms around his bare torso. He suddenly felt the growing frustration rising dissipate at her actions.

"Jay, I've always trusted you and because of that, I am not wary of the fact you are bringing Erin here. But, this is an interesting turn of events."

Jay just sighed but he was thankful for the yelling he heard from Owen in the background that cause Will to end this call.

"Come over whenever, Nat and I are off today. I've got to go, see you later man."

Jay just sighed, ending the call and letting his attention fall to the ground, his eyes closing briefly. He should have known better than to deal with his brother before he had coffee, but it was too late now. They would be having a conversation later today.

"You okay?" Erin asked, her hands moving to grasp his biceps before soothingly running her hands up and down.

"Yeah, my brother is just being an ass," he replied, turning around to face her.

"Did you order?" he asked, and she just nodded in response.

"Yep, they said it will be here in about 30 minutes."

"Well in that case," he began before leaning down to kiss her. He grabbed onto her hips, pulling her towards him. Her own hands stayed on his biceps, and he wouldn't lie and say he wasn't enjoying it. He knew how much she loved his muscles, she had said so many times before.

"How much time did you say we have?" he asked her, mumbling the question against her lips because he couldn't be bothered to remove himself from her.

"Thirty minutes."

"Perfect," he said, reaching down to grasp her thighs and lifting her up while laughter escaped her.

* * *

"So," Erin asked, swallowing the piece of pineapple she just ate. "Are you sure your brother is okay with me staying until I get back on my feet?"

Her question made him uneasy, but he supposed it was partially his own fault. Jay hadn't brought up the idea of her staying with him, indefinitely.

"Of course," he replied, "and don't worry about Will, or Natalie. They're family."

Erin simply nodded, and Jay could feel the tension building in the small hotel room.

"Hey," he said, reaching across the bed to grasp her hand. She looked down his hand in hers and Jay swore he saw a small smile cross her features.

"I'm looking for places, so you can also stay with me," he said. He left out the idea of forever and permanently as he didn't wanna scare her.

"Really?" she asked, almost as if she wouldn't believe he would do such a thing after everything that's happened.

"Yes, really," he replied, bringing their joined hands up so he could kiss her knuckles, hoping that the simple action would calm her nerves and reassure her.

He saw Erin nod softly, and he used the hand he was holding to pull her closer to him. She did, and he wasted no time in kissing her again. He had in all honesty lost track of the number of times he had kissed her since they began to put everything behind them.

"So, I'm thinking we can shower and head over and spend the day with them," Jay said, but paused when he saw a panicked look cross Erin's face.

"Or, we could just hang around, go sightseeing, and head over closer to dinner?"

Erin was silent, playing with his fingers while she seemed to contemplate their options. She gave a small, noncommittal shrug before looking back up at Jay.

"Well," she began, "I was just thinking it's rude to show up without something, so what does Owen like?"

The small smile on her face seemed to match the one on his own. He used their joined hands once again to pull her closer to him until her face was inches from hers. The usual height difference was reversed as Jay looked up at her as she looked down at him. Her hands left his to rest on his face, her thumbs softly tracing some of the stubble there.

"I think I can help with that, but if that's the plan, we need to get ready."

* * *

Jay tried to make it unnoticeable that he was watching Erin as he drove. He could tell she was nervous from the way she didn't stop moving in the car on the way over to his brother's. At one point, he reached over to grasp her hand in hopes it would help, but it didn't.

He had asked her more than once since they checked out this morning if she wanted to just skip it and stay another night. His credit card statement might not be forgiving at the end of the month, but she was worth it.

She was worth everything.

Every single second he spent with her, he fell for her just a little more. His mind kept telling him it was too early to tell her those three words, but every single time she did something that tugged at his heartstrings, he fell more in love with her.

Jay was also pretty sure he loved her already.

"What are you thinking about?" Erin asked while they sat at a red light.

"Nothing," he replied, but he knew he needed to elaborate. "Just thinking about you."

"Me?" she replied, turning in her seat to look at him straight on. The light turned and he stepped on the gas to continue.

"Yep," was all he said. He didn't have to be looking at her to see the wheels spinning in her head wondering what on earth he could be thinking about her. All good things, of course.

The remainder of their ride was silent, and he felt her hand grasp tighter around his when he pulled off the highway and onto a side street lined with trees and family cars parked out front.

"Jay," Erin said, her eyes not leaving the scene in front of her.

He had since shifted the car in park before turning in his seat to face her. With a slight tug in her hand, she looked at him, her eyes still wide with disbelief and a little bit of fear. He leaned in to kiss her then, knowing she needed a distraction.

Pulling away, he stayed close to her before voicing his earlier thoughts.

"I was just thinking about how much I've fallen for you," he said, watching her eyes widen again as he basically told her those three words no one has ever said to her. "And how much Will, Natalie and Owen will love you."

Her eyes shifted down them, telling him she didn't believe what he was saying. His other hand moved to her face, lifting it up so he could meet her eyes.

"I was thinking about how insignificant my life was before I met you, and how I never want to lose you. In these last three months, it seems so surreal how much I need you in my life."

Everything about his words felt so right to say out loud and saying them out loud made up his mind about everything regarding her. He wanted her to move in, he wanted her to become the most important person in his life.

He wanted to marry her.

The last thought was so far removed and would likely never happen, but he never expected her to happen. And here they were, waiting outside his brother's house.

Erin was speechless, and he didn't expect her to say anything even after he just dropped a mini bomb on her. But as he moved to open his door, she pulled him back, kissing him with every ounce of passion she had. She wasn't good with words, but she needed him to know that she was all in with this, even if she couldn't verbally express it yet.

When she pulled back, she didn't say anything before opening her door to get out. Jay followed suit, grabbing their two duffle bags from the back as Erin grabbed the shopping bag with the toys she picked out for Owen. When Jay reached the other side of the truck, he couldn't help but smile when he saw her holding out her hand, a clear invitation for him to hold it. The bags were easily transferred, and he slung his over his shoulder while holding hers.

"Thank you," she whispered, even as it was only them on the doorstep. He didn't make her elaborate, he knew exactly what she meant.

"You mind grabbing my keys from my pocket?" he asked. Erin nodded, digging the keys out as he told her to use the bronze key by the key fob to his truck. She didn't even hesitate in unlocking the front door, but stepped back, indicating she wanted Jay to walk in first.

"Will, Nat! We're here," he yelled into the house. The TV was playing some carton he was sure Owen was watching and sure enough, his nephew came running into the room the second after he announced their presence.

"JJ!" he yelled, and Jay barely had time to drop Erin's bag and her hand before Owen jumped into his arms.

"Hey bud," Jay replied, hoisting the little boy into his arms. "How's going?"

The little boy threw his arms up, mumbling something but was nevertheless excited to see his uncle.

"That sounds awesome," Jay said, and watched as Owen realized there was another person here.

"Owen this is Erin," he explained as the little boy buried himself in Jay's shoulder. Erin couldn't even be offended because he was just so cute.

"I'm Erin," she replied, not even seeming to be bothered by Owen's question. "And I hear you like trucks?"

Owen nodded his head enthusiastically and Jay set him down so Erin could give him what she picked out. Well, he had picked it all out, but gave Erin the credit, knowing that when Owen opened all the presents, Erin would be his new best friend.

"I thought I heard people in here," Natalie said as she walked in from the kitchen.

"Just your favorite brother-in-law," Jay quipped, a shit eating grin spreading across his face as Natalie punched him in the shoulder.

"You're my only brother-in-law," she replied.

"So that means I'm your favorite, clearly."

"Whatever helps you sleep at night," she said, cutting off the conversation and turning towards Erin.

"It's good to see you again Erin, how are you feeling?" Natalie asked, being the warm person she always was.

"I'm feeling better, thank you," Erin replied, standing up and moving towards Jay.

"Will just ran out to the store. We haven't been in what seems like a month. You can probably catch him if you call now, if there is anything you guys want."

"Well I know he won't be getting almond milk," Jay said, laughing at his own joke. "Do you want anything babe?"

Erin shook her head and watched as Jay disappeared into another room, leaving her alone with Natalie and Owen.

"If there is anything you need, don't hesitate to ask," Natalie told her, placing her hand on Erin's arm.

"Thank you," Erin replied softly, the other woman's warmth causing her to relax.

"You can stay for as long as you need. You're family now."

Her comment had Erin's head whipping towards her, her eyes giving away how shocked she was at the statement.

"I wouldn't say anything if I didn't think it was true," she began, turning her head towards the room where Jay was before looking back at Erin. "But I have never seen Jay get so emotional about you the way he does. He's fallen for you Erin, big time. If I'm being honest, Will and I never like Allie. But you, you're something special."

Her words were cut off by the sound of Jay's footsteps and Erin gave Natalie a warm smile. She now understood why Jay was so fond of his sister-in-law. She was every bit the warm, nurturing Jay had talked about and she felt herself relax after hearing Natalie's words.

"Will is on his way back, and I have it on good authority we might go someplace fun? Someplace that had a lot of grass and slides and swings?"

Jay's eyes had moved towards Owen, who had stood up and ran towards his uncle, more like hobbled on his little legs before clutching to his jeans to stay upright.

"The park?" he yelled excitedly, and Jay nodded.

"Yay!" he yelled again, causing the adults to laugh.

"Well then we better get you changed before Daddy gets back," Natalie said, picking her son up. "Jay, you know where the spare bedroom is."

Jay nodded, before reaching to get their previously discarded bags and making his way up the stairs, Erin following behind him.

"I guess Owen loves the park?" she asked, her voice light and playful.

"Oh, you wouldn't believe," Jay replied, making his way down the hallway. "That was one of Will and Natalie's biggest worries about living so close to the city. They preferred being close to Med in case they were on call, but Will wanted Owen to grow up with the backyard and space to run around, like we had. They've made it a priority to get him to the park as often as they can and fortunately, he loves the place."

"That's amazing," Erin said softly. Jay didn't need to ask her about the sudden change in her tone, but they reached the guest bedroom and set their bags down on the bed.

He quickly began unpacking his bag, digging out athletic shorts, sneakers and a pullover jacket. He realizes then that Erin's athletic clothes were sorely lacking, but he was sure Natalie had something she could borrow.

When he turned around to go her down, he saw Erin standing by the door, her posture once again rigid.

"Hey," he said, closing the door and moving to stand in front of her. His hands grasped her upper arms before they traveled down to take her hands in his. "Talk to me."

She was silent for a while, her eyes darting around the room before fixating on the middle of his chest.

"There is one bed," she mumbled so quietly, Jay could barely hear her.

"That's what you're worried about?" he asked, and she nodded. He let go of one of her hands, so he could tip her chin towards him.

"They have no illusions about what is going on here. Will and Nat know how I feel about you."

"I just, I don't want them to think of me, like, _that_ ," she said, emphasizing the last word.

"Babe, they don't, I promise. But if you feel uncomfortable, I can sleep on the couch."

"No," she said quickly. "I don't want you to leave me."

Jay pulled her in for a hug then, his arms wrapping around her shoulders to pull her as closely and as tightly as he could.

"I'm not going to," he whispered, kissing her on her head. She nodded then against his chest and he pulled away.

"You can unpack your bag, there's a bathroom right outside to the left. I am going to go steal some clothes for you from Natalie," he said as he noticed her hesitation at his last sentence. "Trust me, you don't want to go to the park with Owen in jeans."

There was a small smile on her face then as she nodded softly. He turned to walk down the hall while she busied herself unpacking her bag. Jay was back in less than two minutes with what was basically a whole outfit.

"Here you go," he said, setting the clothes on the bed and closing the door so they could change. He didn't waste time in stripping his shirt off and he instantly caught Erin staring.

"Like what you see?" he asked, a smirk crossing his face.

"Maybe," she replied, turning to unbutton her jeans and gave him more of a show in taking them off that normal. Erin heard the groan escape him and looked over her shoulder.

"Like what you see?" she repeated.

"Oh definitely," he answered, earning a giggle from her.

Jay knew they didn't have time for games, as Owen took park trips very seriously. They did however have time for Jay to shower her with kisses before someone was banging on the bedroom door.

"Let's go!"

Jay fully expected Erin to tense up at Owen's sudden presence, but she was the one that opened the door first, allowing the very excited little boy on the other side to drag her downstairs. And Jay couldn't hide the smile on his face if he tried.

* * *

"Here you go," Natalie said, handing Erin to iced coffee she asked for.

"Thanks," Erin replied, taking a sip and letting the caffeine go through her body. She had coffee earlier than morning but running around and chasing a very active little boy had her needing the pick me up.

"Thanks for letting me borrow some clothes. I, uh, don't have a lot of stuff like this."

Erin began to feel embarrassed, but the nonchalant wave of Natalie's hand had her look towards the woman.

"Next time I am off, I'm gonna kidnap you and we're going shopping. It has been a while since I've had a second to myself. The lack of girl time is killing me."

Erin laughed then before nodding her head.

"Sounds good."

She would figure out what to do about money later, but that was another conversation she needed to have with Jay. But for now, she decided it wouldn't hurt in agreeing.

"You boys having fun?" Natalie asked.

Erin turned to look up to find Jay and Will standing above them, both panting as they downed the water they bought.

"You could say that," Will joked. Owen nodded from where he was sitting on his dad's shoulders. "We figured a break was in order."

Jay just nodded before sitting down next to Erin on the grass.

"How are you doing?" he asked, stealing her iced coffee from her.

"Hey!" she said, but she just let him have it. He had been the one chasing Owen for the last half hour.

"But, I'm having fun. And Natalie invited me to go shopping."

"What did I tell you? You would love her. Take my card when you go and don't worry about it."

"Jay, no," she began. "I can't do that."

"Yes, you can," he replied, turning to face her. "We can figure everything else out as we go, but I am sure of this. Watching you these last few days and with everything that has happened, I am want whatever this is."

Erin just stared at him, opening and closing her mouth a few times as she thought of what to say.

"What are you trying to say?"

"Move in with me."


	13. Chapter 13

**I have worked so hard on getting this out to you all in a decent-ish amount of time. This chapter has quite honestly become my new favorite. I recently had what may have been the toughest week of my life and all of my free time was spent writing this chapter and using this fic as an outlet. I hope you all love it as much as I do!**

 **Thank you for sticking with this. I am not ready to give this up yet!**

 **Enjoy!**

* * *

His question was replaying over and over again in her mind. Was he serious? Regardless of if he was, they were definitely at different places with whatever this is they had going on.

There was first his insistence that she take his card when she and Natalie went shopping. First off, she wasn't even sure if she wanted to go. Jay had been right though, she was beginning to like Natalie and Will. In another world, she could see Natalie being something of a close friend, maybe even a best friend. She had never had one of those. But it bothered her that he was so willing to give out his money, his life, it seemed like. She didn't feel like a charity case around him, but it was unsettling.

But Erin also didn't do relationships. Despite her previous, occupation, she never had what this was with Jay. She would be lying to herself if she ignored that there was something there. But she did not think they were anywhere close to wanting to move in together.

"Erin?" Jay asked. At some point, he interlaced their fingers and she could feel his palm getting clammy the longer she stayed quiet.

"I—" she tried but her brain still wasn't processing all that just happened.

"Erin, talk to me," he tried again. She dared to look up at him and for a split second, she wanted to say yes, to take away the pain in his eyes.

But she couldn't.

"No," she said, and she regretted it the second his hand fell from hers.

It was now Jay's turn to be speechless and she wanted to take it all back, but it was too late. The damage was done.

"I, I can't, Jay," she said, stumbling over her words. "I need time."

"Erin, I'm sorry if it felt like I was pushing you. I guess I thought there was something there."

"There is, Jay. But you and I know that we both need time."

The silence that followed was deafening and awkward. Neither knew what to say. But they both knew Erin was right. They needed time. They both just went through something massive, both separately and apart, and she wasn't sure about Jay, but Erin knew she needed time to adjust and fully process it all.

"I told you I would take care of you. I guess it all seemed logical," Jay said, avoiding her eyes as he tried to explain himself.

"I know, I know," she interrupted. "And I can't even begin to explain what that all means. But, I just think we need time, to adjust."

Erin paused then before continuing.

"You're not undercover anymore, Jay."

She could tell that finally clicked but he didn't have a chance to say anything else.

"JJ!" Owen said, steading himself on Jay's legs.

"Hey buddy," he replied, using his nephew as a sudden distraction.

"Ice cream!" Own nearly yelled, causing Jay to wince at the volume of his voice.

"Well what did your parents say?" Jay asked, looking up at his brother and sister-in-law.

"We thought it would be fun," Will said. "Care to join?"

Jay looked to Erin who just nodded. He could see right through the fake smile, but he also guessed that she didn't want his family to know what just happened.

"There's an ice cream shop right around the corner," Will explained, lifting Owen into his arms so Jay could stand up. Once he was on his feet, he offered a hand to Erin, which she took. He wasn't going to lie and say he wasn't surprised, but he was after she dropped his hand when she was on her feet.

"Hey," he began when they were out of earshot of his family.

"Not now, Jay."

"Erin," he whispered sharply.

"Not now," she replied, turning to face him. "Wait until we're back."

Jay just nodded, knowing this wasn't going to end well.

* * *

"They just put Owen down for a nap," Jay said as he walked into the bedroom. After the events of the afternoon, he had to refrain from calling it "their bedroom" because he wasn't sure where they stood currently.

"So, we have some quiet time?" Erin asked, sitting down on the bed.

"Yeah," he replied, taking a seat across from her.

The silence was deafening, and they needed to address the metaphorical elephant. Neither was sure where to start but Jay soon opened his mouth.

"I know," was all he said, and it had Erin looking up at him expectantly.

"I know I'm not still undercover."

Erin could sense he wasn't done talking, so she sat there and waited.

"I made you a promise," he whispered.

"Jay," Erin said softly but she got stopped.

"No, Erin, I made you a promise. I told you I would keep you safe. And, and I don't want to break that promise to you."

Erin tried to gather her thoughts, but Jay just kept speaking as if some dam had been broken.

"You're unlike any woman, any person I have ever met. And I mean that. And I know I can't stay here forever and seeing as how we both needed someplace to live, it seemed logical."

He took a deep breath, his fingers playing with the bedspread. His mind was going a mile a minute and Erin could guess that he was feeling very vulnerable, an emotion he wasn't used to.

"I've spent the last three months with you, and the one thing that I have learned is that I can't and don't want to live without you. The idea of losing you scares the shit out of me," he explained, his voice softening at the last sentence.

Erin could cry at his words, because she had never felt this kind of love from someone. She surprised the hell out of herself by admitting she might love him. But, they needed time to see if this could actually work. She settled to taking his hands in hers and she tried not to notice how they stopped shaking when she held them.

"You aren't going to lose me, Jay," she said. "I, I'm just doing what I think is best for me."

She paused, trying to figure out what to say and how to say it.

"I've never had to live on my own. Well, I mean before I met him I was on my own, but I was high half the time and relied on my body to get food and a place to sleep. But, I need to learn to live on my own, to be my own person."

Jay was avoiding her eyes now, knowing his actions were holding her back. He felt guilty, she could tell. But there was nothing for him to be guilty of. He was right, he had made her a promise to keep her safe. And if there was one thing she learned in the last few months, Jay Halstead was a man of his word.

"But," she began, hesitating. Erin realized there was a flaw in her plan. She had no money, no job, and she was pretty sure no one was going to give her a job or a place to stay.

"I don't know how to make it all happen."

There was a silence that fell that wasn't as deafening or awkward as before. Jay could understand her reasoning. Yes, he would admit they were moving too fast, but he had never felt this way before and he didn't want to let her go. He was scared to let her go for the fear that he would lose her, and he couldn't lose her.

"Erin," he spoke after remaining silent while she gathered her thoughts. "I can help you."

"No, Jay, I don't want anything-," she began before he cut her off.

"No, Erin, listen to me," he said more forcefully. His hand reached up to cup her face, needing her full attention.

"Intelligence can help."

She was momentarily stunned and confused. What did his unit want to do with her? She was involved with the whole thing.

Jay could see her mind flooding with questions and decided to answer them all.

"When you started helping me, Antonio had you put down as a CI. We couldn't afford a paper trail connecting you at the time, for your safety and mine, but it was waiting to be filed. For all intents and purposes, you were a CI. My CI. And you know what?"

Erin shook her head, moving more into Jay's hand that stayed on her face.

"CI's are entitled to 10% of whatever money we get in the bust."

His answer surprised her for sure. Jay was pretty sure she had an idea of what Reyes had in the bank and around his place. He also had a good idea that the amount Erin could receive would be enough to get her on her feet for a few months.

"Jay, I," she mumbled, trying to grasp the information.

"That's a lot," she whispered.

"Yeah," he replied. "But it can be enough to get a place of your own, furnish it enough and keep you okay until you can find a job."

Erin nodded, looking down at her hands. She had to admit, it would be nice to be able to get her bearings and not worry. But she still felt like she was taking advantage of Jay.

But this could also be a way to get as far away from all this as possible. She needed to learn how to be herself before she could be in a relationship. It had been 10 years since she had some sort of freedom. Being with Jay these last few months, she began to remember what freedom felt like.

"Come with me to the district tomorrow," Jay said, interrupting her thoughts. "Voight can explain it all."

Before she could realize it, she was nodding her head.

"Okay," she whispered.

Jay nodded as well, before moving off the bed. He looked around before back at Erin.

"I'm gonna go call Voight. Owen will be up in a while, so take a nap if you need to. I'll sleep on the couch tonight."

Erin could only nod, too scared that if she voiced what she really wanted, it would all get confusing. She wanted him here, with her, so she could feel safe. But, this was the first step to learning all she needed about herself and taking the first step forward.

Jay was out the door before she could stop him.

* * *

"So, what happened?" Will asked as Jay walked into the den. The defeated sigh that escaped him when he fell onto the couch must have given away what he was feeling.

"What?" Jay finally asked his brother.

"Something happened between you and Erin earlier," Will said, almost casually.

"I don't—," Jay started before his brother cut him off.

"Don't play stupid, Jay. It's not a good look," Will said, laughing a little at the end.

"Something happened, back at the park. It was all over your faces."

Throwing his head back against the couch cushions, he stared up at the ceiling. His brother, for as dumb as he could be at times, he knew Jay almost as well as he knew himself. Maybe even better.

"I asked her to move in with me."

"You what?" Will asked, his voice raising a little.

"Keep it down," Jay hissed, sitting up suddenly. His arms rested on his legs as he hunched forward.

"I was stupid. I was moving too fast."

"I'll say," Will quipped, but he promptly shut up when he saw the glare from his brother.

He took a deep breath, knowing that if he wanted help and advice with any of this he needed to explain it all.

"I've never met anyone like her, Will. She's, different. But in a good way. She's good for me."

"Now that I could have told you," Will said.

"You know, even after I learned Allie was pregnant, I still wanted to break up with her. I never could have if it was my child. But I thought it, because Erin was worth more. I mean, how fucked up is that?"

"It's not," Will said, leaning forward to look his brother in the eye from where he sat. "You've always been a man of your word, Jay. It's something I have always admired about you. I knew, after hearing and thinking they were both pregnant, you would do your best to be there for them both. Because that is just who you are, Jay."

"I'll be honest with you," Will continued. "I never thought Allie was good enough. I always felt like you were settling with her because of all the history between you. But, Erin is different, that's for sure. She brings out something in you I haven't seen since before you left for Afghanistan. She is good for you, Jay."

Hearing his brother say that was like a wake-up call. It was what he didn't know he needed to hear. But, he could understand now that Erin needed some time. If anything came out of this, it would still be around after they took some time.

"Don't screw this up."

"I won't," Jay said, and he fully believed that.

* * *

"Erin?" Natalie asked, knocking lightly on the door. The doctor had heard cries coming from down the hall and after seeing her son still sleeping soundly, there was one other place it could be coming from.

There was a mumbled "yeah" that Natalie took as she could go in. Pushing the door open slowly, she was shocked to see the younger woman curled up on the bed, her face buried in a pillow. Her body shook gently with sobs that were being suppressed by said pillow.

"Erin," Natalie repeated, a softness to her voice that Erin assumed was motherly. She sat down nest to her, her hand going to her back as she began rubbing softly to soothe her.

"What happened?" she asked.

"Everything," Erin answered, surprising herself at the ease of which she answered. She barely knew Natalie, but she wanted to tell her everything.

"Jay," she began, sniffling to control her emotions and tears. "He asked me to move in."

She could feel Natalie hesitate briefly and a sigh leave her.

"And I am guessing you said something you didn't mean."

Erin nodded before answering, her eyes not wanting to face the other woman's judgement. Although something told her there was no judgement there.

"I told him no," she whispered softly.

There was a brief silence before Natalie spoke up again.

"Why?" she asked and once again, Erin wanted to tell her everything.

"I need space, and time," Erin explained. "Everything feels like it is moving too fast."

"That's okay," Natalie said, and Erin went on.

"But, I don't know how to get it. I have no money, I don't have a job. I told him no and I can't backtrack now."

She paused, loosening her grip on the pillow as she could feel the tension in her leave the more she talked to Natalie.

"He said I could get money, because I was a CI. But it still feels like a handout."

"It's not, Erin," Natalie assured her. "Believe me, Jay knows what he is doing. And from everything he has told me, it is okay if you need some time."

Erin nodded, still not believing her. The next statement from Natalie had her in complete disbelief.

"Erin, he loves you."

The statement had Erin sitting straight up in the bed, her red and puffy eyes looking at the other woman.

"Wh—what?" she stuttered, her hand wiping at the tears falling again.

"I wouldn't be telling you something that isn't true."

"But, why?" she asked, not believing it at all. Jay didn't love her. It didn't work that way. You don't meet someone and fall in love, or at least she didn't. Those were things in movies, in fairytales. These things didn't happen to Erin.

"I can't answer that, but I can see it all over his face."

Erin was positively stunned but she felt as though she made a horrible mistake. One she couldn't come back from.

"I can't do anything now," she said, getting off the bed to begin pacing around the room. The information she just got was making her head hurt and she wasn't sure what to do with it.

"Yes, you can," Natalie told her, turning so she could face her. "Jay loves you so much, that he would be willing to help you in any way that he can. But, you must put yourself first anything. Do this all for you, and for Jay. And I can promise you, it will all be worth it."

Erin stopped pacing to look at Natalie. She could see how much she cared and that meant so much. She never had another woman looking out for her.

"Whatever help you need, do not be afraid to ask, Erin," Natalie said, standing up to walk over to her. "You've got more than just Jay in your corner."

It hit her then that she did have people in her corner. She had people in her life now that mattered and felt that she mattered, that she was worth it. That alone made it worth to get her life together, because she got a second chance, and not many people did.

Without warning, she pulled Natalie into a hug, surprising the doctor at the strength and sudden action. It wasn't hard before she wrapped her arms around Erin, hoping that her actions would be louder than words.

"You're gonna make it," Natalie whispered, and Erin fully believed it.


	14. Chapter 14

**Happy reading! Hope everyone enjoys this next part!**

 **The continued support for this means so much to me. This fic is basically like my baby (that I feel like abandon from time to time but hey. I'm not giving up yet.)**

 **I can't say when I am going to have the next part up, since today is the last day of my vacation and I have a few other fics I wanna get first, but I'm going to try not to leave you all hanging for too long.**

* * *

The first thing she noticed when she woke up was how empty she felt. The second was how cold the bed was. This had been a recurring feeling these past two days.

The second thing she had noticed for a while, back when he was still undercover. The nights they spent together made her feel safer than she ever had been, and the nights he was gone, the bed felt cold. It was the first time she ever noticed how cold and lonely it was waking up.

She did this to him, she was the only one to blame. But she needed to do this for herself. If she was honest, she wanted this, but she wanted to be worthy of him. He saw something in her that she didn't see, but she wanted to be this person he saw.

But for now, she had all these roadblocks standing in her way. She had no job and no place to live and she knew no one would hire her. What person in their right mind would? She doesn't even have a resume.

Erin looked at the clock on the nightstand, noticing it was time to get up. Jay would be in soon to grab his clothes and it had been slightly awkward the last few days. But today they had their meeting with Voight, one she wasn't particularly thrilled about.

Jay had told her the other day that he had talked to his boss and everything was pretty squared away for her to get paid as a CI. Now she just had to prepare herself to face him, and his boss, again.

The first thing she did was lock the door. Not that it mattered, because he had seen it all, inside and out. But she didn't want him to see how broken she had become since she told him no. part of her wanted to go back and change it, but part of her didn't.

Everything around her reminded her of him. There were family photos around the room, some with Will and Natalie, some with Owen, but some even had Jay in them. It had surprised her at first to see how young he looked in some of them. There was one of him and Will on what she guessed was Will's wedding day. His hair was curlier, his freckles more pronounced, but he had that same smile. Another had her stopping in her tracks. It was Will and Jay with an older woman and it didn't take long for her to realize it was their mom.

Jay didn't talk much about her, but it was clear how much he loved her. She had the feeling that Jay was a momma's boy. Looking at that picture, Erin could see where he got those eyes from. The ones that were kind and warm. The kind that made her feel safe.

Her thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door.

"Erin?"

 _Shit,_ she thought as she ran to her bag. She grabbed the first things she saw before heading to the door.

Jay had his hand raised as if he were going to knock again. He looked how she felt. The dark circles under his eyes showed that he didn't sleep well, and she could see the hints of a beard coming on. The last time he had more than scruff was when he was undercover, and she had come to attribute that to stress.

"Hey," she whispered. "I'm gonna change in the bathroom. Room's all yours."

She brushed past him before he could say another word.

The few tears fell when she reached the bathroom. She sat on the edge of the bathtub to avoid her reflection in the mirror. Her eyes eventually landed on the clothes she grabbed, a navy t-shirt and dark jeans, two of the things he bought for her.

Even her damn clothes reminded her of him.

Erin knew she needed to pull it together. There was no avoiding him, and she didn't want to. She walked over to the sink, taking a second to look at her reflection, which was about as bad as she expected. Splashing cold water on her face, she rubbed her tired eyes before stripping herself of her pajamas and pulling on her clothes for the day. She realized she would have to face him again.

The walk back to the bedroom was short and nerve-wracking, but she stopped when she crossed the threshold and saw him. The words tumbled out of her mouth before she could bite her tongue.

"Is that your mom?" she asked.

Jay's head whipped towards her and he did nothing to hide the tears in his eyes. He nodded silently before looking back at the picture.

"You have her eyes," she said, walking over towards him.

"She would have loved you," he whispered.

"I would have loved to meet her."

They stayed silent, just looking at the photo on the wall. It was soon after than Jay interrupted them this time.

"We've got to go. Voight's expecting us."

Erin nodded and moved to turn around, but Jay reached out, grabbing her wrist and pulling her back to him. He didn't make any other moves, but he bent down, kissing the top of her head before letting go, and turning to walk out the door.

Erin decided then that was her least favorite thing to see.

* * *

The drive to the district had been quiet. The last time they spoke was in that bedroom. Will and Natalie had already gone to work, and the babysitter had put Owen down for a morning nap. Apparently, he hadn't slept well either.

When they reached the bullpen, Erin was glad to see no one was there. Jay hadn't held her hand, but she could feel his hand hovering over the small of her back. Jay had followed behind, silently guiding her to Voight's office.

He waved them in silently, acknowledging them even though he was on a phone call. They sat down, and Erin's hands fidgeted nervously in her lap. Jay had sensed that and covered her hands with his, squeezing lightly to assure her he was still there. She glanced up, smiling softly and was met with a smile in return.

Their moment was interrupted by the sound of the receiver being set back down and they both turned to look at Voight. He leaned forward, bracing his arms on his desk.

She also noticed Jay's hand leaving hers.

"How are you both doing?" he asked.

"Good, we've been staying with my brother," Jay answered.

"And you?" Voight said, directing his attention towards her.

"I'm good. Jay's been great."

She meant it, sincerely.

"Glad to hear it," he replied. "So, Erin, how much as Jay told you about how this all works?"

Erin shrugged before answering.

"I know that I was listed as Jay's CI. I don't know any of the other logistics, but he mentioned something about me getting part of what is seized?"

She didn't want to skirt around the issue, but she didn't want to be perceived as naïve either.

"That's right. And we're still waiting on hearing about the full amount we're seized, but I'm not going to lie to you. You're cut looks good."

Erin looked at Jay and for the first time since that day in the park, she saw hope in his eyes.

"So, what do we need to do?"

"You'll get paid in cash, but I advise you to put it in a bank, somewhere safe."

"But, I don't have an account."

"I'll help you," Jay said, speaking for the first time. "We can go when we leave."

Voight pushed back from his desk, reaching for a drawer behind him. It was open and shut in two seconds and an envelope was placed on his desk.

"This is what I can give you now."

He looked at Jay and Erin could sense there was some silent conversation between them. The way Jay's shoulders sagged told her it must have been good.

She took the envelope, holding it tightly, trying to focus on anything else.

"Thank you," she said softly.

Voight nodded.

"It should be us that is thanking you. Without you, we wouldn't have been able to take him down."

There was a swell of pride in Erin's chest. The reality of what had happened was setting in and she felt like she had done something with her life.

"Before you go, can I have a word with Jay? And Hailey wanted to talk to you Erin."

Erin looked at Jay, who nodded his head. Seconds later, the door opened, and Hailey was standing there.

"I'll be a few minutes," Jay said, and Erin nodded, standing up and following Hailey.

* * *

"Coffee?" she asked when the door was closed again.

"No, thanks though."

Hailey nodded and fixed herself some. Erin stood in the breakroom, memories of the time with Jay here coming back to her. Even though she knew she had nothing to worry about, she still felt nervous. This was Jay's partner. This could go a lot of ways.

"How are you feeling?" Hailey asked after a beat.

Erin let out a breath and sat down on the couch, still clutching the envelope.

"I don't know," she answered, surprising herself with her honesty.

"I don't want you to be mad at Jay," Hailey said, sitting down at the table. "But he mentioned you needed a place to stay."

"Yeah, I do."

"My roommate moved out and I've been looking for a new one."

Erin sat there, slightly stunned. How did she answer this? Was Jay worrying she would slip back into old habits?

"Don't feel pressured if you have another offer. He brought it up to me and I know he is worried about you."

"I, I don't know."

"He just wants to make sure you're safe, especially when we don't know if there is anyone else involved in the case and Reyes hasn't been sentence yet."

It hit her then. This was probably why he asked her to move in with him. She honestly hadn't thought about that, but it made sense.

Hailey's offer was sounding better. She didn't want to backtrack on her answer to Jay, and right now, the only person she trusted with Jay. She also knew Jay trusted Hailey and she supposed that carried some weight.

"Okay," she whispered, not giving it any more thought. She looked up to see Hailey smiling.

Neither woman said anything else when they heard a knock on the door.

"Everything okay?" Jay asked, leaning against the door.

"Yep," Erin replied. "Hailey asked me to move in with her."

It was Jay's turn to smile and he shot a glance over at his partner. He pushed himself off the doorframe and turned to walk away.

"We've got a few more stops, but I will drop you off later. Thanks Hailey."

"No problem," she answered, standing up to walk out.

"Jay's got my number. You can move in whenever. Glad to have you, Erin."

She disappeared into the bullpen, leaving Erin and Jay alone.

"You good?" Jay asked. She had lost count as to how many times people had asked her that, or a variation of that, but this was the first time she could answer honestly.

"Yeah, I think I am."

* * *

"That's it," Jay said, surveying the room. It had been a few days since Hailey's offer for Erin to move in and now it was real.

Things got better after her initial offer. They had gone out for lunch one day and hit it off. The relaxed setting helped but Erin had a better idea of why Jay was so fond of his partner. Voight gave the partners the weekend off to help Erin get settled, seeing how there wasn't much for them to be doing since they were tying up loose ends on the Reyes case.

"Wow," Erin said, looking around the room. Hailey assured her that they wouldn't need a lot of decorations, since her last roommate left them when she moved in with her boyfriend. But they switched out the bedding to a soft grey comforter Erin had chosen. That had been the one thing she wanted to do. Jay didn't question her but took her shopping and realized as they walked around the store that she never had her own bed or bedroom.

"How does it feel?" he asked.

"Unreal."

Erin sat down on the bed, taking it all in. There weren't a whole lot of personal touches and it hadn't taken long for them to make the bed and put away the limited clothes she had. Despite that, it took a fair amount of time as Erin couldn't decide what she wanted to do. She wanted her first bedroom to be perfect.

"I can't thank you enough, both of you."

Jay smiled at her, leaning against the dresser. Hailey stood in the door way, arms crossed but through a wink her way.

"It looks great, I'm just glad to have someone here again," the blonde said.

"I'm ordering pizza for dinner. Jay you are staying?"

Normally, he would, but he wanted the girls to spend time together. These were two of the most important women in his life and he wanted nothing more than for them to be friends.

"Will and I are getting dinner, but you guys have fun."

"Your loss Halstead," Hailey replied. "What kind of pizza do you want, Erin?"

"Surprise me, I'm not picky."

"You're already better than my last roommate. She always wanted pineapple."

Erin laughed at the scrunched up look on Hailey's face as she disappeared. She turned to Jay, who was grabbing his jacket and the trash they accumulated.

"Walk me out?"

Erin nodded, following him to the door. They could hear Hailey in the kitchen, so they tried to be quiet as possible.

"Thanks for everything," Erin said. "I couldn't have done this without you."

"You did this all on your own, Erin. You just needed a little push."

She shrugged, not agreeing with him, but not disagreeing either.

"I'm glad you're staying with Hailey," he said after a few beats.

"I get it now."

"Get what?"

"Why you wanted me to live with you."

Jay took a sharp breath before letting it out.

"I want you to be safe. I don't know what I would do if something happened."

"I know that now."

"I trust Hailey with my life. She's not my partner for nothing. And because of that, I trust her with yours too. She will keep you safe."

Erin nodded, expecting Jay to move towards the door. Instead, he stood rooted in his place.

"I'll call you tomorrow," he said.

"Okay."

There were a few moments of silence before he set the trash bag down, stepping closer to her. Her arms stayed crossed, but her neck tilted up to watch him.

His hand grasped her face, almost possessively, before he placed the lightest and most meaningful of kisses on her lips. She hadn't been expecting this, but she could feel the love he had for her in that kiss. She felt it then, those butterflies she's read about in books and seen in movies. She understood now what people meant when they said they were head over heels in love.

She also realized that she had been waiting for him all her life.

Her hand reached up to his wrist, grasping tightly as she lost herself in this kiss. It was different that all the others, but the feeling felt the same somehow.

Jay pulled away slowly, his lips grazing hers and his hand still gripping her face. Neither had opened their eyes, trying to savor this moment.

It would be a moment neither could ever forget.

"I love you."


	15. Chapter 15

**Hi peeps! Next chapter is here!**

 **I still cannot believe how big this story has become, and it is all because of y'all. Every little comment, review, like, reblog, it all makes doing this worth it.**

 **This chapter does have a time jump from the end of the events of the last chapter!**

 **Enjoy!**

* * *

"Are you still going to meet us at Molly's?" Hailey asked, running around the kitchen while getting ready to leave.

"Umm, yeah, if you'll have me," Erin replied.

"Of course! We all need a break after these last few weeks!"

"Then, I'll be there," Erin said, still hesitant of the situation.

"Perfect. I gotta run. I'll text you later!"

Without another word, Hailey was out the door and Erin was left standing in the kitchen with her coffee.

It was her day off and she was fully planning on staying at home and relaxing. The last few months had certainly been hectic. But regardless, there was a calmness that was truly appreciated.

The awkwardness of living with Hailey has dissipated after the first few days. The detective had gone, in Erin's opinion, out of her way to make Erin feel like she wasn't living with a cop. They found they had more in common than they thought and by the end of the first week, they felt like old friends.

But even after the short adjustment period, her life didn't stay calm. She got offered a job, and one she least expected.

Natalie had called a few weeks after she moved in with Hailey, first asking Erin if she could babysit Owen a few days a week. Their nanny, a local college student, had a class in the afternoons that she couldn't get out of. Natalie was desperate and gushed about how good she was with Owen the few days she stayed with them. Not having any other offers, she accepted.

Sometime during the last two months, their nanny quit. Her work load was getting too intense and she was becoming stressed. Natalie, being the person she is, was completely understanding and offered Erin the job.

Erin had fallen in love with the little boy. He was such a ball of energy and was always smiling or giggling. Her job was never dull, even during the times he was having bad days.

There was something else about helping out with him. For the first time in her life, Erin felt her heartstrings get tugged in a completely different way. That little boy had stolen her heart and managed to prompt a conversation with his mother she wouldn't forget.

" _Hey," Natalie said softly as she walked through the door. Erin had texted her not long ago to tell her that Owen was sleeping and knew the new mom would appreciate the warning._

" _How was he?" she asked, stepping into the living room. She smiled at the scene before her, Owen passed out in Erin's lap. He had been teething and became very clingy and the crying had finally worn him out._

" _Good, despite the teething. I don't know how you do it."_

 _She let out a soft laugh, coming to sit down by Erin. Even as she was tempted to take her little boy and snuggle him close, something stopped her, and it wasn't the just knowledge that if he was moved, he would positively wake up. He, as well as his parents, needed all the sleep they could get right now._

" _What are you thinking?" Natalie asked after a while._

 _Erin sighed, glancing down at the little boy curled against his chest. She was scared to share her inner most thoughts with Natalie, but Natalie knew it all. She had seen it all._

" _I could have had one of these."_

 _The admission hung in the air, neither woman speaking. Ever since Erin started watching Owen, she understood why people want this, a baby. She saw it first hand with Natalie and Will, the kind of unconditional love that parents have for their children._

" _It's a weird feeling," she said after a while. "I was never pregnant, but I thought I was. And the entire time I thought that this was the thing that would make me turn my life around. I was wrong about that, for sure. But you, telling me I wasn't, I thought that was a sign, that I wasn't fit to be a mother."_

" _Erin…" Natalie interrupted, but Erin pressed on._

" _I had a horrible example. She neglected me enough that I turned to having to sell myself for food, clothes, whatever I needed. And I got in so deep that I was a part of an illegal, well, everything. I recruited girls into that life. I've done too many things, seen so many things, that I don't deserve it."_

" _Erin, stop," Natalie said, forcefully._

 _Erin did, looking up at her, tears building in her eyes._

" _You deserve everything, Erin. Did you ever think it didn't happen because it wasn't meant to at that time?"_

 _Erin shook her head, Natalie's words replaying in her head._

Those words had replayed on a loop ever since that conversation. That seemed to be the wakeup call that maybe this was all meant to happen, that there was something better ahead. That the light at the end of the tunnel was worth reaching for.

Natalie had a shift off, so Erin had the day off too, kinda. She had the morning off but was meeting Natalie and Owen for lunch later in the day. Natalie, like Hailey, had become another person Erin could trust implicitly, as had Will.

She felt there was something to be said that she knew of another person who trusted them all.

* * *

"Halstead!"

Jay's head whipped around, only to find his partner walking behind him, each hand holding a cup of what he hoped was coffee.

"How is my favorite partner?" he said, that signature grin spreading across his face.

A rather characteristic scoff left her mouth, all while rolling her eyes at Jay's greeting.

"I guess I bought this coffee for waste then," she said, laughing at his actions. It was rather comical watching this big guy lunge for the coffee she had in her hand, only to be left pouting when she denied him.

"You're mean."

"Thank you," she said, total seriousness in her voice.

He managed to swipe the coffee from her anyways. He knew her well enough to know that she wasn't going to hold his coffee hostage.

"How do you manage to drink iced coffee when it is cold out?" he asked as they walked into the district.

"It makes you warmer."

"That's bullshit."

"Don't knock it til you try it," she replied, walking through the door he was holding open.

They made their way into the station through the roll-up, but noticing no one else was down here, he took advantage to ask her the one question that had been nagging him.

"Hey, how, uh, how's Erin doing?" he asked, stuttering his words.

Hailey turned around to face Jay. The look on his face told her he was genuinely concerned. Knowing this was gonna take a while, she set her coffee down and sat on the edge of the table.

"If you are this concerned, call her, text her, stop by after shift. I'll even hang back to give you privacy."

"She wants her space, Hailey."

"Did she say that, Jay, or are you assuming?"

Jay opened his mouth to respond before immediately closing it. Now that he thought about it, he didn't know. He assumed that her not wanting to live with him meant she needed space, so he gave it to her. He would give her whatever she wanted. But, he assumed that by space, she wanted space from him, a break from him.

It had been three months. They hadn't totally avoided each other, but they weren't exactly trying to seek each other out to talk. He knew she was safe with Hailey, and now that she was giving his brother and sister-in-law a hand with Owen, he felt comfortable with that to.

The only thing he didn't feel comfortable with was not seeing her.

"Jay?" Hailey said, snapping him from his internal monologue.

"Hmm?"

Hailey sighed, knowing that he was lost in his own world. That happened more often than not lately. There was no use in backtracking what she was saying, so she changed gears.

"Erin's meeting me and the girls at Molly's later. Do you want me to talk to her?"

While he appreciated Hailey's help, this was something he needed to do on his own.

"No but thank you," Jay replied.

Hailey stood up, reaching to give his arm a reassuring squeeze.

"Anytime," she said, moving walking towards the stairs that would lead to the bullpen.

"But, when you two get serious, I want full credit."

Jay laughed, but the phrasing of her statement was not lost on him.

* * *

Despite the cold, Erin felt like this was going to be a good day. It wasn't cold enough for her to need a heavy jacket, but the crisp air gave her some much needed clarity to think.

The restaurant she was meeting Natalie at for lunch was a few blocks away from Hailey's apartment. She didn't see the point of spending money on a five-minute cab ride for what was probably a ten-minute walk.

She used to take walks a lot when she was working for Reyes. There were times when he told her she was going to recruit girls from her old neighborhood, but instead, his drivers would drop her off and she would walk.

It helped her think and it cleared her mind, two things she really needed right about now.

It had been three months since she talked to Jay. Not counting awkward conversations they had when they crossed paths. It shouldn't be this way considering she was living with his partner and working for his family.

She knew what he was doing, and once again, it was her fault. He was giving her the space she thought she wanted. Part of her, the rational side, told her that she needed time. She had been dependent on a man for far too long in her life.

The other part of her, the emotional side, said fuck it. Her heart knew that as long as she was with Jay, she would never feel dependent on him. He would give her space when she wanted it, comfort when she needed it. She was pretty sure she could ask for anything and he would move heaven and earth for her.

There were days that she had to fight everything in her from running straight to him. But she still wanted to feel like she had control of her life, and if she was being honest with herself, she didn't fully feel like she did.

Erin hadn't realized how quick her walk was until she could hear the unmistakable sound of Owen's voice. She felt him before she saw him, looking down to find him hugging her legs.

"Hey buddy!" she said, picking him up and placing him on her hip. "And how are you today?"

Owen, as expected, gave her excited and slightly incoherent words but she of course played along. She vaguely picked up "park" and "slide" and "dog".

"Hey Erin," Natalie said, pulling the other woman into a hug.

"Hey Nat. How's your day been?"

"It's been nice. He keeps me on my toes for sure."

"I hear that," Erin replied, following Natalie into the restaurant with Owen on her hip. They were seated instantly, a perk of going before the lunch rush.

Natalie instantly went back into mom-mode, getting Owen set up in the highchair and pulling out a snack for him. Their waiter stopped by to introduce himself and take their orders. When he left, conversation flowed easily for them.

"So, I uhh, had a question for you," Natalie asked as she ate the salad she ordered.

"What's up?" Erin replied, sensing the nervousness in her voice.

"Have you talked to Jay?"

Erin felt that this question was coming, but she was a little blindsided by it. And the way that Natalie phrased the question had Erin jumping to worse-case scenarios.

"Why? What happened?"

A million thoughts were going through her head. Was he shot? Is he dead? Did he move on?

The last one scared her the most.

"No, no, no," Natalie said, her hands reaching out to grasp Erin's that were now shaking. "Jay is perfectly fine. Will just mentioned that he's seemed a little depressed."

Erin let out a sigh she didn't realize she was holding in. The last thought she had was still unanswered.

"Oh. I mean we've seen each other, but we haven't talked, talked."

Natalie nodded her head in understanding. They were briefly interrupted by Owen, causing both women to turn towards the little boy before restarting their conversation.

"Erin, I'm gonna stay out of it. Even though I am married to Jay's brother, does not mean I am on his side. If you need a friend, then I'm here for you."

Erin gave a small smile, trying not to start crying at Natalie's words. She never had a girlfriend, and suddenly she had two, all thanks to a certain blue-eyed man.

* * *

The hustle and bustle of Molly's was enough to distract his mind. He really needed to talk to Erin. His conversation with Hailey made him realize just how wrong he was.

"Yo, Halstead!"

Jay looked around, knowing whose booming voice that was and spotted Kevin and the guys at one of the high-tops by the bar.

"Hey guys," he said as he approached. A shot glass was passed to him and he downed it instantly. He was going to need a lot more of these to get through the evening, but he shook that thought off. He needed to be somewhat sober when he talked to Erin.

"Where is everyone?" he asked.

Kevin and Adam shrugged.

"Kim said she was going home to change, so I assumed they would show up eventually," Adam explained.

Jay nodded before pushing away from the table to make his way to the bar. He didn't have to say anything before Herrmann placed a beer in front of him.

"It's on the house," he explained. "You look like you need it."

Jay let out a dry laugh, tipping the bottle towards Herrmann before taking a long sip. He walked back to the guys, noticing Will had joined them now.

"Hey Will," he greeted, slapping his brother on the back.

"Hey man. Heard our girls had a lunch date today."

"She's not my girl," Jay snapped before mentally kicking himself for getting defensive. He was a cop, he knew that getting defensive immediately showed guilt.

"Don't lie to me Jay."

"She's not my girl," he repeated, staring down his beer. Will seemed to get the hint and shut up about it, for now.

He got lucky, as the door to Molly's opened and Ruzek started yelling at whoever must have just walked in. A few moments later, Kim was kissing Adam and Hailey slid next to him.

"Hey," she greeted, throwing her jacket over the back of his chair.

Jay nodded in response, looking around to see who all joined them. Besides Kim and Hailey, he spotted Stella and Sylvie talking to Herrmann at the bar. He knew Natalie was home with Owen, or else Will wouldn't be here. There was no sign of Gabby or Casey so he assumed they were elsewhere.

But there was no Erin.

"Is Erin not coming?"

The look Hailey gave him made his heart rate speed up.

"She told me she was when I texted her earlier," she replied, grabbing her phone from her back pocket.

Jay didn't feel intrusive as he looked over her shoulder at her phone screen. Nothing.

"I'm gonna go call her. She probably fell asleep or something."

Hailey walked towards the door and Jay's nerves skyrocketed. He suddenly had the feeling that something was wrong, as everything had been going so well lately, despite the distance between them.

He was glad everyone seemed oblivious to what was going on. There was no use in panicking everyone if she really had fallen asleep or if her phone died. Erin was fine, she was okay.

"She didn't answer," Hailey said, reappearing beside her partner. The look on her face worried him more and Hailey seemed to get the hint.

"Let's go," she said, grabbing their jackets.

"Call us when you find anything out," they heard Antonio say.

They both nodded, walking towards the front door at Molly's. Jay reached to grab his keys, not realizing how bad his hands were shaking. Without saying anything, Hailey took his keys, knowing he was in no shape to drive.

"She's going to be fine," she told him.

"I can't lose her," Jay whispered, staring out the windshield as he sat in the passenger seat of truck.

"I know," Hailey replied, flipping on the lights and sirens before heading to her apartment.

Jay's mind assumed the worst, each scenario making the pain he was feeling become unbearable. He only just got her, and he promised her that nothing would happen to her, that he would keep her safe. If anything happened to her, it was his fault.

The drive went by in silence. He wouldn't say quickly seeing as how Hailey was taking advantage of the Sierra being at Molly's. She didn't park in any designated place, just pulled in front of her building, leaving the lights flashing.

Jay seemed to snap out of his own thoughts, grabbing his gun he had stashed earlier. They didn't know what they could be walking into. They took the stairs two at a time, Jay in front and gun ready. He looked around, taking in every detail to discern if something looked out of place. Hailey stood back, letting Jay enter the apartment first.

The first thing he noticed was her jacket was missing from the hook on the wall. She could have taken it into her room, knowing she would need it later. But the gut feeling he had couldn't be ignored.

Her room was empty, same with the bathroom and the kitchen. The apartment was empty.

Jay holstered his gun, carefully walking back to her bedroom. He hadn't been here since they moved her in, but it looked the same. The smell of the lotion he had come to love drifted through the air, invading his senses as he remembered how much better is seemed when it mixed with that scent that was so _her._

He suddenly realized that he didn't know what to be looking for, because her didn't know where she kept her things. Walking out, he ran into Hailey who was currently pacing, hands on her hips the way he knew she didn't when she was frustrated.

She noticed his presence, stopping to look up at him. The look on her face told him everything he needed to know.

The realization hit him so suddenly that had he not been close to the furniture, he would have collapsed onto the ground.

He could hear Hailey's voice, her conversation aimed not at him. The words being thrown around settled further in his mind as he buried his face in his hands. He broke his promise and Jay knew he could never forgive himself.

Erin was gone.


	16. Chapter 16

**Hi all! Sorry for the long wait. Life has been a succession of one thing after another, but I figured I would get on here to update!**

 **I'm going to keep this short and sweet so you all can get to reading faster, but as always, thank you for the support!**

 **Enjoy!**

* * *

Jay was still sitting on Hailey's coffee table when the rest of their unit walked into the apartment. He didn't dare look up at them, because seeing them there would confirm what they knew.

Erin had been kidnapped. And Jay had a damn good idea of who had done this.

This is what he was afraid of. There was zero certainty that everything with this case was closed and handled. Reyes and most of his partners were locked up and awaiting trial and they didn't know of anyone else involved. He had promised her that she would be safe with him, and here she was, missing, and they had no idea how it happened.

He could hear the conversation happening around him as his team outlined a plan. Voight and Al were headed to talk to Reyes, Mouse was heading to the district to start pinging her phone. Everyone was jumping into action in an effort to find Erin. It had all been a blur, information going in one ear and out the other as they all gave Jay the space he clearly wanted. Eventually, he noticed the noise die down and the door close before Hailey was sitting in front of him.

"Hey, Jay, say something."

"What's there to say?" he murmured, keeping his eyes glued to the floor.

"Jay, don't do this" she began, but it was too late.

"Do what?" he yelled, standing up suddenly. "I can't do anything! She's gone Hailey and I was supposed to keep her safe!"

Hailey didn't say anything, knowing it was a matter of time until the building frustration died down. She was glad she gave Antonio the other set of keys to the Sierra to move the car and she still had Jay's. Like hell was she letting him out of her sight right now.

"I told her she would never have to worry and feel scared again. Because I would be there for her. And now, we have no idea where the fuck she is or who the fuck took her. And it's all my fault."

"Halstead," Hailey said firmly, determined to not let him go down this path. "This is not your fault. You know that, and I know you know that."

"Then why does it feel like it?"

"I can't answer that for you," she said, lowering her voice. "You have feelings for her, you've fallen for her…" she trailed off.

"I love her!" Jay yelled, his face becoming red with anger despite the tears that were forming in his eyes.

"I know," Hailey whispered, trying to bring her partner back.

Jay sat back down, his head in his hands again as he tried to stop the tears from falling. He felt Hailey's hand on his back, trying to comfort him and calm him down.

"You're not leaving tonight. You can sleep in Erin's room. Voight wants us in at 8 and it's late and we need sleep."

Jay just nodded before standing up, his feet becoming heavier with each step towards her bedroom.

It was different this time, knowing that she was missing. He took in the room with fresh eyes, wanting to memorize everything in case he never got to see her again. The bed was still unmade from this morning, but it wasn't surprising to him at all. He spied one of his black hoodies on the chair in the corner which made him smile. The nights when it was cold in that little apartment, she always grabbed one and wore it to sleep.

Stripping his clothes off until he was left with his boxers, he crawled into bed, finding some peace as the smell of lavender and mint assaulted his senses. Exhaustion finally took over as he drifted to sleep.

* * *

"What do we know?" Jay asked as he stood in the bullpen the following morning. After a long argument with Voight and Hailey promising to keep him in check, he had been allowed to work the case.

"Her phone is now off," said Mouse, looking at his computer screen. "The last text she sent was to Hailey around 1 and she was 3 blocks from their apartment."

Three blocks, Jay thought. This happened so close to her home.

"She had lunch with Natalie yesterday," Kim said. "I talked to her this morning and Natalie said she had parked around the corner and the last time she saw Erin was outside the restaurant."

"We pulled footage from some of the surroundings cameras and stores. We managed to get it on video," Adam said.

Jay's head turned towards the younger officer. Adam didn't explain, just played to video for the team to see.

"We can't ID the guys yet, but we know a general direction. We're heading to see if there were any other cameras on the street they turned on."

Jay just nodded, taking all the information in. Voight and Al's visit to Reyes told them he hadn't had contact with any visitors, but they couldn't rule out other prisoners. Reyes had since been placed in solitary confinement. They were waiting to hear about what other guys Reyes had talked to while in lockup.

"We will get her back," Adam said, his voice sincere.

"I know," Jay said before turning to walk to the breakroom. He needed a minute to process this all and he couldn't imagine how scared Erin was.

"You good?" Antonio asked as he walked in.

Knowing his team knew the answer, he just shrugged.

"I don't really know."

"Erin means a lot to us. Not as much as she does to you, but she's family. So that means we won't stop until she's safe."

"But what if…" Jay began before getting cut off by Antonio.

"You can't think like that, but Erin is strong. She can do this."

Antonio moved to head back into the bullpen before turning around.

"Besides, she has you."

* * *

It had now been 24 hours since Erin was taken. A full day since Jay felt his heart was ripped out of his chest. He had barely left the district except for the few times Hailey dragged him home, and every single time he had passed out on Erin's bed, finding a piece of sanity with the smell and feel of her all around.

In the past, he would have been half a bottle of whiskey in and reaching for something else to numb his mind. But before, he didn't have Erin. The little piece of hope inside of him that was carrying the belief Erin was alive. She needed him to fight for her, to find her, and the only way he could do that was if he was sober.

He could feel everyone's eyes on him every single second. Hailey didn't say anything, knowing he wouldn't talk. Mouse had reached out to him, just letting his best friend know he was there. Voight had checked in once, when they first got to the district after realizing she was gone.

Someone was out chasing a lead, but he hadn't paid attention to who. There was someone locked up with Reyes that knew a guy "specializing" in kidnappings. Jay didn't want to think that Reyes could be pulling strings behind bars to get back at him. Because if that was true, he knew he would never forgive himself.

"Hey," Voight said, causing Jay to lift his head from the file he was looking at.

"Hey, anything new?" Jay asked.

Voight shook his head, causing Jay's hopes to be crushed. "Yes and no. Ruzek's lead fell short, but they may have a suspect who can give a description of the car."

Jay just nodded but could tell his sergeant wasn't done.

"Antonio is looking into a lead that this may be the work of someone else. Someone who had a deal with Reyes that fell through because he got arrested."

"So, they took Erin as payment? Because they lost a damn payday?" Jay asked, standing up as he felt his anger rise.

"We don't know yet, Halstead. There's no way to tell if this lead is going to play out."

Jay sighed, running a hand over his face. Him getting angry and frustrated was going to help no one. He needed to do something, because sitting here was going to make him go insane. Without any other thought, he grabbed his jacket from his chair, throwing it on and slipping his phone in his pocket.

"Halstead?" Voight asked.

"I'm going to talk to him," Jay said, slipping the chain through his badge before putting it around his neck.

"Jay…" Voight started, not agreeing with what he was about to do.

"If there's any unresolved deals on the table, he would know. And I think it's about time we talked."

Voight sighed, knowing there was no way he was going to change the young detective's mind.

"Take Upton with you."

Jay nodded before locking eyes with his partner, who was already grabbing her gear to follow him out.

* * *

"Are you sure you're ready for this?" Upton asked.

Jay just nodded, removing his gun and holster from his belt to check in at the entrance.

"Do you want me to talk to him first?"

"No, I need to do this."

"I know, but Jay, just take a step back. Reyes knows you're a cop, but that's all he needs to know. You could be dead for all he knew. Him not knowing that you're involved could pay off in the end, especially if we need to dust your cover off to get Erin back."

She had a point, he would give her that. They could keep this going if needed. Even while he wanted to get the information at any cost, the detective in him told this was the right move, for now.

"Ok, I'll try to stay out. But I make no promises," he said.

"That's all I ask," Hailey replied before following the warden.

They reached an interrogation room and they saw through the one-way glass Reyes was sitting right there, still shackled in an orange jumpsuit. Jay felt his blood pressure rise, but he had to remind himself to stay calm, that this was for Erin.

"Don't come in unless I come get you," Hailey told him pointedly, causing him to nod. He watched his partner disappear and emerge later in front of Reyes.

"Remember me?" she asked, standing in front of the table, arms crossed. Jay wanted to go in now and wipe off the sick grin Reyes aimed at his partner, but he stopped himself, resigning to watch from where he was.

"You're the other cop with what's his name? Halstead, is it? Heard some other guys talking about him around here. He's something."

Hailey stood still, just staring him down.

"But that isn't why he is here? Is he dead? Do you think I put out a hit?"

He bought it, and the change in Hailey's body language gave Reyes the last clue at believing it. It was enough to make him stay there.

"Oh, he is? Well I can't say I am sorry, cause I'm not."

The look in Hailey's eye was deadly and if looks could kill, Reyes would be the dead man

"Do you have any unresolved business deals lurking?" she asked, uncrossing her arms and leaning against the wall. Not having use of his hands, he looked around, pretending to think before shaking his head.

"I do not think so. Is someone claiming I do? Trying to put blame on me?"

"We have reason to believe someone is trying to collect payment and it's because of you."

"Now, now, detective, let's not place blame on anyone. If it's anyone's fault, it is yours. You arrested me, you left my customers hanging. They would be wanting to collect, doing whatever it took."

Without another word, Hailey left the room, leaving Reyes confused as to what happened. They got what they needed. Jay wasn't even sure Reyes realized what he said, but it told them what they wanted to know.

"Call Mouse," Hailey said as she caught up to him. Jay fell into stride with her, easily catching the quick pace she was setting. "Someone got left hanging, and we need to take another look at his financials."

Jay nodded, pulling out his cell as they reached the desk, immediately grabbing his gun and holstering it back on.

"Good job," Hailey said, patting him on his arm and walking towards the truck.

* * *

She woke up in a daze, her head pounding. Everything around her was fuzzy, her vision blurred, pain radiating through her body.

The mattress she was sleeping on wasn't the one she was used to. She could feel every spring underneath the crappy material and she didn't want to know what that smell was. As she slowly sat up, she took the time to take in her surroundings.

The four walls she was trapped in were nothing but concrete. The grey color was cold, making the room seem darker than it might be. The only light coming into the room was from the small windows by the ceiling. She guessed she was in a basement. There was a radiator on the opposite wall, and given the temperature of the room, she guessed it wasn't working. She spotted another mattress on the corner, more torn up than the one she was laying on.

Looking down, she let out a sigh to see that she was fully clothed, even the flats she had on earlier at lunch were scattered by the mattress. Her jacket also lay on the floor, but she grabbed it, pulling it on her to shield her from the coldness of the room.

As she pulled her jacket on, she felt the muscles in her back tense up and her shoulders ache and pop. Even if nothing had happened to her, it was clear to her that she was knocked around a bit, a feeling she knew quite well.

The more alert she became, the more she began to remember what happened. Everything was fine at lunch with Natalie, the two of them talking about everything under the sun: favorite shows, books, fun outings Erin could take Owen on now that the weather was warming up, those Halstead men.

Jay. For the first time since she woke up, her mind shifted to him. She could feel it in her heart that he would be looking for her. A sliver of hope sprouted inside her as she thought about him, his warm skin, the way being wrapped up in his arms made her feel safe, those kind and loving eyes.

Jay wouldn't give up on her, he would find her no matter what, so would his unit. She firmly believed that, and she knew then she would get out of this if she held onto every memory she had of Jay and with him, and she would be okay.

Her thoughts were interrupted by the clang of metal on metal. She saw stairs she hadn't noticed before as they became illuminated with the flood of light from upstairs.

Heavy feet stomped down the wooden stairs, causing her to wonder if they would give out under the weight of the person walking towards her. Another set of feet came down the stairs, just as loud as the first set before the door closed, causing the basement to become dark once again.

She sat there, awaiting whatever was about to happen. There was a feeling of fear she had never experienced before. Even with her history, she couldn't ever remember feeling scared. She got lucky, as her pimps actually valued their business too much to let anything happen to them. But right now, she was fucking terrified.

She tried to get a look at the guy before her, but before she could there was a piece of cloth covering her mouth. She fought to escape, but the second guy, now standing behind her, had a good grip on her and eventually her limbs felt weightless and she felt herself surrendering to the unconsciousness. But not without sending a silent prayer to anyone who would listen to that Jay would find her soon.


	17. Chapter 17

**Did ya miss me?! I'm back!**

 **For real, I am so sorry it's been so long (I opened my docs the other day to find its been a month since I've updated. yikes.)**

 **Anyways…I am done with finals and this semester of school so why not update? School definite** l **y took me away from writing, but also just the general state this fandom seems to have been in? I don't know, just my opinion and I kinda lost inspiration. But its back, and will be for the foreseeable future.**

 **So enjoy and thank you for sticking around!**

* * *

"Anything new?" Jay asked as he walked into the bullpen. It had been two days since he and Hailey had gone to see Reyes. Mouse was combing through Reyes' financials in hopes that they could find something, anything.

"Still waiting to hear back from someone in financial crimes. Nothing so far," Mouse answered.

Jay sighed, collapsing into his chair. He was trying hard not to think about all the statistics about missing persons, how long they had, how long Erin had left. Going down that road was going to do no good.

Hailey had been keeping him on a short lease, and at the end of the day, he was glad. She was limiting his exposure and not letting his mind wander. But there were times when he wanted to yell and scream and make everyone give him some breathing room.

It was no secret to his unit about his feelings for Erin. They knew he had fallen for her, and they were treating this case like one of their own was missing. For him. When this case was over and Erin was home, he would buy them all a round, or two or three, at Molly's as a thank you.

Jay wanted nothing more than to protect her because she deserved to have someone in her corner more than anything else in the world. With each passing second, the guilt consumed him, the thoughts about what he could have done differently creeping into his mind. He questioned every single moment, wondering where he went wrong and how she was taken in broad daylight in a place where she frequented.

Wait.

"Hailey," he said, standing up to grab his jacket. He didn't say any other words and headed towards the garage. The tell-tale sound of her boots on the tile told him she was following.

"What's going on?" she asked.

"I never saw where she was abducted. I need to see it."

"Jay," Hailey began. "I'm not sure that's a good idea."

"Fuck that," he snapped, turning around to face her. Her eyes widened, and he had no doubt it was a result of seeing the anger and frustration and heartbreak on his face. After a moment, his features softened, his chest rising and falling as he tried to catch his breath.

"I need to see it."

Hailey just nodded, giving up on arguing with him. He was as stubborn as they come, but she also knew he wasn't going to give up, not until Erin was found.

"Okay," she replied before following him out the door.

* * *

"What are you thinking?"

Jay shook his head at his partner's statement. He didn't know what he was thinking. There were a thousand things running through his head. Hailey and Erin didn't live in a rough part of town, it was fairly populated with young adults and a few young families. It was safe enough.

He looked around, trying to see if something popped out at him. They had just spent the last 20 minutes walking from their apartment to the café Erin and Natalie ate at and back. Nothing was out of the ordinary, it was a straight shot and on a busy road.

Surveying his surroundings, he took in the spot where the GPS on Erin's phone last tracked her. It was a block and a half from the apartment building. Across the street was a coffee shop and a flower shop. They had already interviewed the employees and gotten a warrant for the security cameras. There were no alleyways nearby, no subway entrances. The area didn't look like a typical city.

"How can there be nothing?" he asked. Hailey shrugged her shoulders, watching stand in his spot, hands on his hips like he did when he was thinking.

It must have paid off as he pointed down the street towards another apartment building.

"Did anyone go check that place out?" Jay asked, turning towards Hailey.

"I don't think so. Ruzek and Atwater focused on the storefronts."

"I looked at that place. I didn't realize it was over here. There's a storefront, but there's residential space from the second floor up," Jay explained and without another word, he made his way across the street. Hailey had to run to catch up to him, as he was a man on a mission. They made it to the building, finding the narrow side door that led to the apartment building.

"Excuse me," Jay said, getting the attention of the security guard at the front desk. "Chicago PD."

"What can I do for you?" he asked. He didn't seem much older than the two detectives, but there was something familiar about him to Jay.

"There was a woman abducted the other day, right across the street," Hailey explained. "We were wondering if there are any security cameras that look out at the street?"

The guard nodded, pushing his chair towards another computer screen.

"I don't know how much help this will be," he explained. "But, I will get you the footage."

The detectives nodded, looking around the lobby while they waited for the man to come back.

"We had a system reset the other night, so some of the footage is missing. They typically do that early in the morning," he said, handing over a flash drive.

"Thank you," Hailey said, taking the USB and walking back out of the building.

As they reached the street again, Jay stopped, taking another look from the other side of the street.

"What?" Hailey questioned.

"Nothing, just trying to get a different perspective," he said before turning to his partner. "What's your opinion on that guy?"

"The security guard," Hailey asked, and Jay nodded. "He seemed fine, willing to help. Why?"

"There was something familiar about him," he mused.

"Don't grasp for straws. That's not going to do any good."

Jay nodded, knowing his partner was right. He was being paranoid, and it wasn't going to help him find Erin any better. As they walked back to the truck, Hailey's phone rang.

"Upton," she answered. After a few seconds, her head turned towards Jay.

"We're on our way."

* * *

"What's up?" Jay asked his brother as they entered the ED.

"She was brought in by some officers. They were tailing some other guy when they saw the girl try to be kidnapped. I didn't know if it could be related to Erin…" Will trailed off as Jay nodded.

"Better safe than sorry," he murmured.

"Called the district, they said you and Hailey were out and they would send you. She's awake, banged up, but I figured you would want a crack at her before sending her off."

Jay nodded, giving his brother a firm pat on the back. "Thanks, man."

Will nodded before heading to check on other patients. Jay was about to walk into the room before Hailey pulled him back.

"Don't grasp for straws," she repeated. Jay just nodded his head before pulling the curtain back. The second his eyes fell onto the girl, he stopped, his feet glued to the ground. The girl hadn't noticed they walked in and Jay turned around, taking his phone out as Hailey followed.

"What the hell is going on?" she asked as he found Will.

"You don't need to call someone else," he told his brother. "She's one of Reyes' girls."

"What? How do you know?" Will asked.

"I've seen her before, with Erin. There was one time, in the beginning, when I was tailing Reyes, and I saw the girl get in a car with him and he dropped her off somewhere else. I assumed Reyes had paid for her, but I think it is the other way around."

The others nodded, taking in Jay's information.

"Okay, so we question her like any other victim, and go from there," Hailey said. "Let's go."

They walked back to the room and the girl was more alert this time around. She was aware someone entered her room and they saw the fear in her eyes when they weren't in scrubs and had guns clipped to their belts.

"Hi," Hailey started, her voice softer as she walked towards the bed. "I'm Detective Upton, and this is my partner, Detective Halstead. We're CPD."

The girl nodded, her attention suddenly drawn to the beige blanket across her lap.

"We understand you were abducted, but the guys who did this were caught by cops," Hailey said, getting a nod from the girl again.

"Did you know them?"

The girl began to shake her head but made the mistake of looking up. They could see the tears in her eyes and as her eyes met Jay's, she nodded.

"How?" Jay asked. The girl didn't speak again, shaking her head furiously.

"Hey," he tried again. "You can tell us. You're not in trouble at all, we just want to find the guys that did this."

"They may have done this before," Hailey added, causing the girl to look over at the blonde.

"Really?" she asked, her voice hoarse, likely from the chloroform Will said they found in her system.

"There's another case we are working on, girl kidnapped in broad daylight, in a populated area. It could be connected, it might not."

The girl stared at Hailey, her brown eyes wide as she tried to gauge whether the detective was telling the truth. She looked back at Jay, who had since uncrossed his arms and shoved his hands in his pockets.

"I've seen him before, one of the guys," she whispered. "I, I used to, work, for him." She stumbled over her words, embarrassed and afraid of what she was admitting to two cops.

"Did you work for him, or someone else?" Jay asked. He would spook the girl if he mentioned Reyes' name too soon.

She shook her head again. "No, another guy. The guy that tried to take me paid him for me and, uh, my services."

"Where is he? The guy you worked for?" he asked.

"In jail. He got sold out by one of the other girls and they let us go."

"What other girl?" Hailey questioned, shooting a nervous glance at Jay. There were on the right track.

"All I know was around with us, she went by Lindsey. I've heard her called "Erin" before by the boss."

Bingo.

"Excuse me," Jay said, pulling out his phone and walking outside.

"Hey, we got something," he told Ruzek. "The girl, she was also with Erin, with Reyes."

"Got it," Ruzek replied, relaying the information to the rest of the team.

A sickening thought then entered his mind and Jay tried to swallow the bile that crept up his throat.

"Cross-check anyone who paid the girls, specifically Erin," Jay barked into the phone, his heart suddenly racing as he made a connection. "They might know her and took her because of that."

He could hear Ruzek telling Mouse to double check the financials before hanging up and Jay walked back to the room.

"Did the guys say anything to you?" he asked the girl. She looked back up at him, a strange look on her face.

"Yeah, they did. But I didn't think it was worth mentioning."

"Everything, every detail, is worth mentioning," he explained, his hands on his hips again.

"He said something about needing to be paid, and that we would do."

Jay's blood boiled as the words processed in his mind. This was what he thought and hearing the girl's words made his fears a reality.

"Who is we?" Hailey asked. At least someone was paying attention.

"I don't know. I didn't see anyone else in the van."

The detectives shared a look, knowing what was happening. Hailey turned her attention back to the girl.

"What's your name?"

"Mia," she replied.

"Mia, is that a normal place for you to be?" Hailey asked. Mia nodded at Hailey's question.

"No. After we were let go, I went to live with a friend. I've only been there for about a month, and I'm still getting used to the area."

"Where did you live before?" Jay asked.

"Englewood," she answered.

Jay felt his heart break a little more. That's where Erin was from.

"Thank you for your time," Jay said, his hands dropping back to his side. "If there is anything else you want to tell us, ask any of the doctors or nurses. They know how to reach us."

Mia nodded, her attention going back to the ratty blanket. Jay avoided Hailey's questioning eyes, wondering why he dropped the questioning so suddenly.

"Hey, what's up?" Hailey asked as they stepped out of the room.

"Erin was from Englewood," he explained, his voice becoming softer.

"Jay," Hailey began, but he nodded his head, shaking the thoughts entering his mind.

"I'm fine, but I called Ruzek. Mouse is looking into Reyes' financials for any unresolved payments."

"You do think there's someone kidnapping the girls because they didn't get paid?" she thought out loud.

"It fits," he said. "Regardless of this has anything to do with Erin, someone still attempted to kidnap Mia. I'm thinking they are connected, but this is still a case."

Hailey just nodded at her partner before following him to the truck. They almost made it outside before Jay's phone rang.

"Halstead," he answered. She watched him listen to whoever was calling before his features hardened.

"We'll be right there," he said, hanging up and picking up his pace.

"What's going on?"

"They found him. Marco Stevens," Jay explained. "He supplied heroin for Reyes, never got paid for his last shipment, which Mouse thinks was close to a million. And he used Reyes for girls."

"Let's go," Hailey said but stopped at the truck. "Jay?"

Jay turned to look at her from across the hood.

"We will get her back. Now, let's go."

* * *

They found the rest of the team waiting in a residential neighborhood. It wasn't the best of places, but there were some modest homes. Everyone had their tactical gear strapped on and waiting for them to join the small group.

Mouse was busy explaining the layout of the house while Antonio held the phone. Ruzek was flipping through photos, including the house layout and recent mugshots of Marco and people they believed to be his accomplices.

Jay felt his heart beating faster than he ever thought possible. All his years overseas, his adrenaline had never been this high, yet his mind was focused. He kept telling himself that this was just like any other raid, even though there was a possibility Erin was in this house.

Voight split them up, sending he and Hailey around to the back. They slowly made their way around the side of the house, guns ready and alert for anything.

They could see the backyard, but Hailey suddenly stopped, causing Jay to run into her. He was about to question her, but she put her hand up to silence him. She looked around for the light banging noise she heard. It sounded like someone was knocking, but she couldn't tell from where. Jay radioed to everyone, telling them they were stopped while Hailey looked around.

She soon crouched down, looking into one of the windows hidden by overgrown grass. Part of the glass was visible, but only for someone to look out, not in. As she registered what made the sound, she reached behind her, trying to get her partner's attention. She knows he saw the same thing she did when she hears the sharp intake of his breath.

It was Erin.

Despite the cuts and bruises on her face, Hailey could see the relief in her eyes that they finally found her. She frantically looked for a latch, lock, anything that would get them in. Jay quietly told the others the found Erin and through her own earpiece, she could hear the new plan.

She stood quickly, moving back and grabbing her gun, making herself alert as she watched her partner take her place. Jay's voice cracked, probably reassuring Erin and telling her what to do. She soon heard Voight's voice, counting down as Jay stood up, flipping the long gun he had around and aimed the butt at the window. By the time three came, all that was heard was glass shattering, wood splintering and various shouts from the rest of Intelligence.

"Hey, come here," she heard Jay's voice through the noise. It was soft and slightly broken, but the relived sobs from Erin that followed were all the two partners heard.

A few moments later, Jay had pulled Erin out of the basement and his arms quickly wrapped around her, pulling her tightly into him.

"You're safe, you're safe," he whispered over and over to her. Hailey couldn't see Erin's face as it was buried in Jay's chest, but she could hear the sobs escaping her. The voices of their co-workers came through their comms, telling them they had everyone in custody. She replied, informing them Erin was safe.

She stepped back, giving the pair some privacy. Hailey knew that she would likely either be alone tonight or have a house guest because there was no way Jay was going to leave Erin's side.


	18. Chapter 18

**Hi friends! Long time, no see!**

 **Sorry, it's been a while since I've last updated. I've been traveling a lot and most of my spare time has been sleeping or doing homework! But I hope this chapter makes up for it!**

 **That being said, there are only two chapters left! It's crazy to see how time flies since I first started this, with my original plan of this being maybe 10 chapters, and it's now almost doubled. Thank you for all the love and support for this! Each and every review means so much, but don't stop yet! I've got a few more tricks up my sleeve for these final chapters.**

 **But for now, enjoy!**

* * *

Of all the emotions that were going through his head, he wasn't sure which scared him the most. The fear, the worry, the nerves. He had been left alone to burn a hole in the floor outside the ED while Erin was looked over by Natalie.

Since they found Erin in that basement, his body has been running on adrenaline. He was pretty sure the second he stopped to think about the last week, he would collapse. But he didn't have time to stop and think, because Erin was his top priority.

A firm hand on his shoulder suddenly stopped his pacing. Turning around, he was met with his brother, but the look on his face calmed him a little.

"She's fine, she's resting now," he explained, motioning for Jay to follow. "Nothing was broken, but she's got her share of bruises. A little dehydrated too, but whoever kept her, fed her."

Jay just nodded, taking in everything Will was telling him. They eventually stopped outside of an exam room and one glance in made Jay sick to his stomach. When he found her, he had been so worked up with trying to get her out that he didn't pay much attention to her appearance. Her hair was damp, so they must have let her shower. There were some bruises on her jaw and from what he could see on her arms.

"Was she…?" Jay started, but he couldn't bring himself to finish that statement. Will immediately started nodding his head.

"We didn't find anything. The primary concern now is to get fluids in her. She should be good to go in a day or two."

Jay felt the biggest weight leave his shoulders. Every fear he had was gone, and he could focus on helping her get better.

"Thanks," Jay said, sighing in relief. Hearing that she was okay, physically, after all this time, finally hit him. The relief he felt was overwhelming, but he couldn't break here, not now. Not when the woman he loved more than anything was lying in a hospital room, scared, because the life she escaped came back to her.

As Will left to check on another patient, Jay found himself having wandered into Erin's room. He couldn't bring himself to walk in, not yet. Through the small glass window, he could see she was sleeping. She looked much smaller, but he could figure out why. He couldn't imagine how long she went without food or water, being kept in that dark basement. Her skin was paler, the usual healthy glow he had seen in the last few weeks, gone.

Every emotion he felt since he discovered her missing bubbled to the surface. The worry, the anger, the anxiety. He felt suffocated. The image of Erin laying in a hospital bed, even as she was fine, was heartbreaking.

"Hey," came a voice, breaking Jay from the dangerous thoughts plaguing his mind. He turned to find his partner standing beside him.

"Hey," he replied. He knew this was coming, but he wished it didn't happen here, outside Erin's room, while he struggled to keep his emotions in check.

"How is she?" Hailey asked. Jay shrugged, more for himself as he struggled to find the words.

"Will said she is fine, just dehydrated and needs fluids," he explained. "Said she could go home soon."

He could see Hailey nod out of the corner of his eye.

"Home with me, or home with you?"

Her question caught him off guard because he assumed the answer would be clear.

"She lives with you," he whispered, almost upset about the idea.

"I would assume she would stay with you, but whatever her decision is fine."

Jay nodded again, hoping this conversation was ending. He needed to do something to alleviate the guilt he was feeling.

"Voight wanted me to tell you," Hailey began. "They have the guys in custody. But he wants you here, in case someone comes for her."

He began to argue, but the look Hailey leveled with him told him that was an order, not a request.

"I'll keep you updated," she said before starting to leave. "Take care of her."

Looking back into her room, he saw Erin begin to move. The smallest movement of her hand snapped him back to reality. Before he could make up his mind, his hand was on the door handle and he was walking to the chair by her bed. He couldn't have her waking up alone, wondering where she was and feeling alone once again.

As he sat down, his hand found hers, his fingers slipping between hers perfectly. Every single detail about her became more noticeable. The way the ends of her hair curled after she washed it. How the wine-colored nail polish she painted on was chipped. The small scar on the inside of her wrist was more noticeable against her pale skin.

Jay had become so out of it that he didn't realize someone saying his name. Looking up, he saw Erin looking back at him and felt her thumb rubbing the back of his hand.

"Hi," he answered back. "How are you feeling?"

"Okay," she whispered. "Better now that you're here."

He couldn't fight the smile that spread across his face. Hearing her voice again, despite the thought that he may never get that chance, brought more relief than anything his brother, his partner or anyone else could say.

"I'm glad you're all right," he replied, bringing her hand up and placing the softest of kisses there. She untangled their fingers and he started to frown at the loss of contact, worried he overstepped, but the feelings were gone when he felt her palm against his cheek.

"It's been a while since you shaved," she commented, her fingers scratching the stubble on his jaw. The laugh that escaped him was genuine.

"I've been a little preoccupied."

"I like it," she replied. The silence that followed was somewhat comfortable as they both just absorbed the moment. Just being around each other was calming, and Jay felt more of his frustrations fade away.

"Thank you," Erin whispered. "For everything. I feel like I don't say it enough."

"Hey," he said, sitting forward more. "You don't ever have to thank me."

Jay paused, his fingertips gently tracing patterns on her arm. "I don't know what I would have done if I didn't…" he mumbled before getting cut off.

"Jay don't do that," she interrupted. "Do not blame yourself."

"That's the thing, Erin. Because I am. Because every single day I didn't know where you were, I feared the call I could get telling me they found your body. I would not have survived that, I couldn't have survived that. Because I love you too damn much to let anything happen to you."

Every emotion just poured out of him and he could feel her thumb wiping away what must have been tears. He didn't even try to keep it all in, as the dam just broke, every single feeling just flooding from his heart. He could faintly hear Erin saying his name, trying to calm him down, but hearing her voice just made it all worse. Because there was a moment when he thought he would never hear that voice again, feel her touch again. And sitting here with her now, just made his wildest dreams come true.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier," he mumbled out. He could see that his words confused her. "Back when you told me you loved me, I didn't say it back…"

"But you did," she interrupted again, remembering that night.

" _I love you," she whispered. He was the first person she had ever said those words to, and she felt surer of anything else when saying those three words._

 _She wasn't expecting anything back, because, despite all he has said and done, a small piece of her still doubted that she wasn't another charity case, that when she was on her feet, he would move on. But for her sake, she had to tell him how she felt because there would also be a part of her that would regret ever telling him just how much he meant to her._

 _The silence consumed them, but it wasn't suffocating. She watched as Jay's eyes stayed locked on hers, before moving down to her lips and then behind her shoulder, no doubt looking for his partner/her new roommate. When his eyes found hers again, searching for something, she didn't have much time to react before his lips were on hers._

 _Every other kiss she ever had was put to shame. She could feel the emotions he was feeling with that one kiss. The trust, the passion, the love. He didn't have to say it back, but she knew. She knew he loved her because no other kiss every made her feel safe and wanted. Jay Halstead managed to do that to her._

 _His hands were grasping her hips, his fingertips burning her skin in the best of ways. She could vaguely register her own fingers slipping through his belt loops, pulling him as close as he could. His lips on hers managed to muffle to moan that escaped him as her thumbs brushed the skin just above his jeans._

 _That had been enough for him to pull back, but his lips were still close enough to hers that she could feel his smile. Her eyes opened to find his looking back at her, his eyes a darker blue from his arousal._

" _I should go," he whispered._

" _Yeah," she replied, despite her heart wanting him to stay. "Good night."_

 _He kissed her once more, before repeating her words._

 _As she watched him leave, the smile couldn't be wiped off her face. She wasn't sure if he realized he never said anything about her admission, but even in her sated state, she couldn't bring herself to care. Because she could feel that he loved her too._

"I still should have said something," he said. She could hear the unsaid words in his statement.

"Jay you couldn't have known something would happen."

He sighed, his eyes transfixed onto something on the ground, but their hands stayed where they were as if they were afraid that the other would disappear. The deep sigh that left him told her he wasn't done with the self-blame.

"How are you so calm?" he asked. His gaze lifted back to her, the tears still rimming his tired eyes. Erin just smiled back at him, her fingertips resuming their calming movements against his cheek.

"Because I knew you would find me. I had no doubt."

Her statement broke something inside him. Jay could feel some of the guilt he still had in him leave and his body felt lighter. The admission she gave somehow gave him so much, even if she didn't realize how such a simple statement was so incredibly powerful for him. She trusted him that much.

"I also knew you would find me because I knew you loved me."

There was no doubt or hesitation then, as Jay gave in to the urge to do the one thing he wanted to do since finding her. He quickly stood, hovering over Erin as he looked at her, making sure this was okay. He saw nothing but love in her eyes.

"I love you," he whispered against her lips. The kiss that followed was everything either of them could hope, knowing Erin was safe and back to him. The emotions were overwhelming, and as their lips met each other, so did their tears, as they finally let go and surrendered themselves to each other, knowing it would all be okay.

"I love you too," Erin replied against his lips, a small laugh escaping her as a warmth floods her body. She was safe.

* * *

"You ready to get out of here?" Hailey asked.

"You have no idea," Erin replied, laughing lightly. It had been two days since they found her, and she was more than ready to get home. Hailey had brought her a change of clothes last night when the nurses allowed Erin a shower, saying she had gained enough strength back to stand.

"How are you feeling today?" the blonde asked, taking a seat on the bed as Erin pulled on her boots.

"Much better," she answered honestly. "I feel like myself, for the first time in a long time."

"That's great!" Hailey said. Erin could sense there was something else on her roommate's mind. Even if they hadn't been living together for too long, she could tell Hailey wasn't telling her something.

"Hailey," Erin pressed. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see the detective's head lift, her lips pressed together to keep something in. "Spit it out."

She watched Hailey fidget in her seat, struggling to share what had been bothering her. Something told Erin it had to do with either Jay or her kidnapping, but she would bet that it was both.

"We figured it out," she mumbled. Erin looked at her then, trying to get her to spill more.

Hailey sighed, leaning back in her chair before continuing.

"We figured out who it was because they tried to kidnap another girl, and uhh," she hesitated. Erin could see she didn't wanna divulge this information.

"You recruited her."

Erin felt her heart drop to her stomach and had to fight the urge to throw up the very little food in her stomach. She recruited her?

"You did," Hailey said, answering the question Erin must have spoken out loud. "Apparently there was someone that supplied Reyes that didn't get paid before we arrested him."

This time Erin did throw up but made it to the bathroom before emptying her stomach. She could vaguely feel Hailey's hands holding her hair back, but the knowledge consumed her mind. When she was left to dry heaving, she leaned back, collapsing onto the floor as her back hit the cold wall.

Her mind was going a mile a minute. The endless stream of thoughts was bringing on another headache. This couldn't be happening. She thought all of this was behind her, that she would never have to deal with it again. Hailey and Jay already told her that they had enough evidence for her to not testify, and she finally let it go. But she feared now that she would never be free of everything she endured.

"We were going to tell you eventually," Hailey said, passing her some water. "We need you to come and identify the guys."

Erin just nodded, not having the energy to protest. The sooner she did this, the sooner she could try and put this behind her again.

"Okay, let's go," she said, taking Hailey's offered hand to stand up.

"It's almost over," Hailey whispered.

"I know," she replied, before grabbing her bag and heading out.

* * *

Every nerve in Jay's body was on alert after the text he got from his partner. She was bringing Erin here. It had been at Voight and Antonio's order to have Erin come in to confirm the men who kidnapped her. The last time she was here, they had just arrested Reyes and she was almost caught in a shootout.

He didn't have much time to prepare, because suddenly Erin and Hailey were walking up the stairs. His eyes locked with Erin's, silently asking if she was okay with this. They had gotten good with the silent communication while he was undercover, and it had survived to now.

Jay stood up, meeting them halfway before leading Erin towards the interrogation room, Hailey following behind. The made it far too soon for Jay's liking, although he had no idea why he was questioning that because the walk was less than 30 seconds.

"You sure about this?" he asked her anyway. Erin nodded, her hand finding his and squeezing tightly.

"Are you going to be with me?" she asked. It was Jay's turn to nod. "Okay then," she said.

The trio was silent as Jay opened the door, leading Erin into the viewing room. He nodded briefly at the state's attorney there before putting himself between him and Erin.

"Is this the man that kidnapped you?" Hailey asked.

"Yes," Erin answered, her voice strong and unwavering.

"Was there anyone else involved?" the attorney asked. Jay and Hailey turned to look at him, questioning why but not arguing.

"Umm, I think so?" she replied. "I remember two men in the room at times. This guy was one of them. The other was younger. I remember being more afraid of him because he always had a gun on his hip and some kind of security uniform?"

Erin's statement had Jay's eyes meeting Hailey's, both partners reaching the same conclusion. Upton immediately pulled her phone out, pulling up a picture.

"Is this him?" she asked softly, showing her the picture of the security guard they talked to. The bad feeling Jay had led to a background check with rather unsavory results. They had kept him in the backs of their minds, and Erin's admission proved his hunch. Erin just nodded.

"Do you have him too?" she asked, looking up at Jay.

"Not yet, but we will."

The nod that followed was one of defeat. Jay could tell she was tired and wanted to get her out of here. He turned to the attorney, his hand tightening around Erin's.

"Are we done here?" he asked. The other man just nodded.

"With the confirmation of the other girl, there's enough to prosecute him."

"Great, thank you," Jay said, offering his right hand for the man to shake. He didn't dare tell Erin what other evidence they had on him, what information he managed to get out of their suspect.

"Atwater and Ruzek are on their way," Hailey informed the others. Without other words, she left the room, and seconds later the group heard her knocking on the door into the interrogation room. Voight left, leaving Antonio with their suspect.

"It's him," Jay told his boss when he entered the viewing room. Voight only nodded before pointing towards him.

"Take her home and take the day. I'll see you here tomorrow."

Jay didn't need to be told twice as he led Erin out and down the hallway. No words were shared between the two, but he could feel Erin's free hand grasp his upper arm, a tick of hers he noticed she did when she was nervous. She didn't have reason to be but seeing her kidnapper may have brought up old feelings.

"Are you okay?" Jay asked when they reached his desk.

"Yeah," she replied, her voice just above a whisper.

"Are you sure?" he asked again. Erin just nodded this time, before looking up at him.

"I just wanna forget it all."

Her statement told him everything she couldn't say. She wanted to get out of here, forget the events of the last few months, hell the last few years. She finally had a fresh start and he could see she was struggling for how to take it. Despite briefly having a clean slate, that was tarnished the second she got kidnapped.

So, he asked the one question that was on his mind.

"Where do you want to go?"


	19. Chapter 19

**Hi, it's me. I feel like I need to reintroduce myself as it has been TWO months since I last updated. Life has been nothing short of insane and now that school has started back, I'm somewhat free again.**

 **I can say that this fic is officially finished, and as I wrap it up, I want to thank you all for the support you've shown me since I began this journey. With one chapter left, it's coming to a close.**

 **With that, enjoy!**

* * *

It had been a week. One week since they found her. One week since Jay finally told her he loved her. One week since she thought her life would be back to normal.

For the most part, it had. She was back helping Natalie and Will with Owen, she was back in the apartment she shared with Hailey. Jay had even stopped by with dinner a few nights, and every night he left, he kissed her and told her he loved her.

She did have to admit that it felt good to have a routine again. That was something she never thought she needed until she had one. It kept her mind busy, distracting her from everything that had happened over the last few months.

It was hard, she had to admit, thinking back on everything. There were times now she couldn't believe the life she had before, and the life she had now. There were times when she cried herself to sleep, thinking back on everything she did. There were times she laid awake at night because her brain wouldn't shut off. Her demons haunted her, and she knew they always would.

That was when the nightmares started. At first, she could handle them, they were simply bad dreams to her. Sometimes she was trapped in that hell forever, the one she was in before she met Jay. But lately, they became worse. She was stuck in that basement forever, never getting out. Suddenly, she was, but all she could see was Jay looking down at her dead body. There were tears streaming down his face and the hurt and pain etched into his features were enough to make her wake up, sobbing.

The worst one came the other night. She had been glad Hailey wasn't there because she didn't want her to know how bad the nightmares had become. This one was similar, except it was her staring down at Jay's lifeless body and there was nothing she could do.

It scared her so much, just thinking about a life without him. Now that she had him, she couldn't imagine him not being here. There was a small part of her that wished she accepted his offer to move in because maybe things would be fine. She would never have been kidnapped and these nightmares wouldn't be here.

Erin could see the toll her sleepless nights were taking on her. The dark circles under her eyes were enough evidence and makeup could only do so much. Hailey had said nothing about her increased coffee consumption, but Erin knew she had noticed. She had started drinking a cup before bed with the hopes it would keep her awake long enough that she could have a dreamless night. It never worked.

That was when the nagging in her brain returned, the same little voice that told her just how to make it all go away. But she was tougher now and refused to give into her old vices. However, there was one voice that kept at it and soon enough, she began to believe in it. Maybe that would be the answer to her problems.

But one look at his face and she couldn't do it. She couldn't leave him, ever. She may have run from her problems before, but not now. Because there was a smaller voice that told her he would break if she left, and that in turn would positively break her. She didn't need a detective's badge to know that.

There was one sip of coffee left and the lack of sleep in her was catching up. Maybe tonight her mind would have mercy on her and allow her to sleep. It was all she wanted right now. Sleep and oblivion. That mind-numbing effect without the drugs or alcohol. She just wanted it all to go away.

Downing that last sip, she placed the mug on the nightstand and switched off the lamp. The bedroom was immersed in darkness. She had pulled the blinds closed, so they shielded the city lights from her room. But ten seconds later, her mind wandered back to that damp basement where there was no light to give her an indication of time. The lamp was switched back on and Erin lay there, staring at the ceiling and wishing over and over he was here.

* * *

The morning started like any other with Jay depositing his jacket at his desk and turning his computer on before heading to the breakroom for coffee. It was routine, just the way he liked it. But this morning, his partner beat him there, her arms crossed as she sat on his desk and stared into space.

"Hey," he asked softly, trying not to startle her. Her head lifted at his voice, but her usual smile wasn't there.

"Is everything okay?"

The look in Hailey's eyes told him it wasn't, but he needed to hear it from her. With no words, she made her way to the breakroom and he followed. Shutting the door behind them, he turned to her, crossing his own arms over his chest.

"Hailey you're scaring me."

"I don't know," she said, her voice barely a whisper. "Something is wrong with Erin, but I don't know what it is."

"What do you mean? What's wrong?"

Hailey shrugged before she began moving around the small room.

"I can tell she isn't sleeping. I've ruled out her being back on old habits, but something is up. Our coffee supply is so low I have to buy more every week and I know she now drinks a cup before bed. And that's all minor compared to the nightmares."

"Nightmares?" he asked.

"Yeah, I think she thinks I have no idea, but those walls are thin. Almost every night she wakes up sobbing, sometimes yelling. It gets quiet soon after, so I assume she falls back asleep. But I don't know what to do."

The information was overwhelming for him. Erin shouldn't be having these problems; he thought she was past it. But the anxiety he was feeling was through the roof and it was taking every ounce of control he had to not sprint out of there and find her.

He sank down onto the couch, his head falling into his hands. The sudden onset of a headache was more than he could handle right now, and he was handling a lot. The constant worry about Erin, who, now that he thought about it, had barely spoken to him since they found her, was now multiplied. Add that to Hailey's obvious worry was enough to make him explode.

"Tell Voight I'm taking the day," he said suddenly.

"Jay, I don't think…" Hailey began.

"I don't care. She's hurting, and I need to find out why."

Hailey only nodded, clearly having no energy to fight him on this. She was just as worried as he was, but she didn't know where the boundaries lay.

"Hopefully you can help," she said. "Let me know how it goes."

Jay just nodded before leaving her alone.

* * *

Jay's mind was racing as he drove towards Erin's apartment. A quick call to Will told him Natalie was off and at home with Owen, meaning Erin likely wasn't there. Since she was kidnapped, he and Hailey made her swear to not go anywhere alone without their knowledge. The fear in her was noticeable when she agreed right away, not putting up much of a fight. He told her later that he still trusted her without a doubt, he was just scared to lose her.

That was eye opening for him because Erin was the first person he was terrified to lose in his life. He already lost his mom, but he had no control over that. Just having an ounce of control while these monsters were still out there eased his worry.

He didn't know what he was going to be walking into. He trusted that Erin wouldn't slip back into old habits, but there no handbook for how to handle being kidnapped.

Even as he had a key to their apartment, he still knocked out of respect for Erin's privacy. There was no answer, so he knocked again. Still hearing nothing, he decided to let himself in, figuring maybe she was asleep or in the shower. It was quiet inside and he didn't hear any water running. A quick glance in the living room told him nothing, but he could see her bedroom door closed. His knuckles brushed against the door lightly and Jay could faintly hear whimpering.

That broke him and all resolve to be delicate at that moment. He opened the door quickly to find Erin curled into bed, smalls sobs shaking her body. His feet immediately took him to the opposite side of the bed and he bent down to be eye level with her.

"Erin?" he whispered, his hand softly against hers lying on the bed. He squeezed lightly, hoping to stir her from the demons in her mind. There was nothing, so he tried again. Eventually, he saw her eyes flutter and struggle to focus on him.

"Jay?" she whispered, her voice rougher than normal. Jay could only assume it was from her crying.

"Hey, it's me. I'm here."

Erin sniffled some more and even as Jay's legs were starting to hurt, he brushed it aside because Erin was hurting more.

"What are you doing here?" she asked. "How did you get in?"

She was exhausted, he could tell, even given the fact she knew he had a key.

"Hailey and I were worried about you," he said softly. "I wanted to come check on you."

Erin attempted a nod, which was clearly hard with her face pressed against the pillow.

"I'm okay now," she said softly, a smile gracing her face. She was trying to reassure him.

"Good," he said. "Do you want something to eat?"

There was hesitation in her features. Hailey had mentioned she was eating very little, but he wanted to get some food in her. Eventually, she nodded, and Jay couldn't help but feel guilty about it.

"Any requests?" he called over his shoulder as he walked to the kitchen. When he didn't hear an answer, he turned. There was a small smile on her face as she watched him. It made him smile too, content with the knowledge that he could do that for her.

"Surprise me," she replied before walking towards him. The closer she got, the more he realized the height difference between them. He kept smiling as she stopped in front of him, her head tilted back to look up at him. She could only guess the smile on his face was a result of the one she could feel on hers.

And for the first time in a while, the weight on her shoulders felt lighter.

* * *

She wasn't used to it and Hailey feared it was only going to get worse. This was the third night in a row she was woken up by Erin's muffled screams. When she first got back, they were sporadic, but lately, they had become much more regular.

Besides the screams, Hailey couldn't gather much else. But tonight, was different. They were louder, more desperate but the words she heard from Erin's mouth shot her out of bed.

"No! Jay!" Erin screamed, followed by softer whimpers. "Don't leave me."

Hailey was on her phone in an instant, dialing the number she now knew by heart.

"It's two a.m. and I have no messages about a case," Jay mumbled, clearly not happy to be woken up.

"Come over. Now," she said, her words leaving no room for argument.

"What's wrong?" he asked, his voice much more alert. She could hear the rustling of fabric as Jay reached for what she assumed where clothes.

"Erin's having a nightmare again, and Jay, it's bad."

Hailey knew she didn't have to say more. She knew it was a 15-minute drive from his place to hers. She could only hope that he would be able to help Erin.

"I'm leaving now," he said into the phone as Hailey heard the sirens turn on.

"I'll leave the door unlocked," she replied.

All she could do now was wait.

* * *

His mind was racing. He should never have let her out of his sight. This was on him.

The guilt was suffocating. It felt like the weight on the world was on his chest, pressing down harder, seeming to punish him.

He thought it would be okay, that after their night in, things would turn around. Their lives would begin to normalize, that their hearts would heal from the hell they had been through in the past few months. But after hearing the panic in Hailey's voice, Jay's mind wandered.

 _Would it ever be okay?_

Jay didn't care about anything except Erin as he jumped into the truck, flipping the lights and sirens on before he even pulled out of his parking spot. Even though it was two a.m., it likely wouldn't hurt. If it made him get to Hailey and Erin's faster, then fine. He would do it, consequences be damned.

Despite the late hour, Jay found the streets to be as crowded as his mind. It was a Friday night and the weather was warming up, so everyone was out on the town. There was a fraction of a second, the smallest of moments, where he wondered what it would be like if his life was as carefree as the people he passed on the streets. Where the only worry on their minds was who was going to whose place that night or who was paying the tab. But his life would never be that simple.

He was so caught up in his own fantasies and worries about Erin that he didn't see the light change red. He didn't hear slamming breaks. The only sound that broke through his brain was that of metal slamming into metal before it was too late.

* * *

"Damnit Jay," Hailey muttered, checking her phone again. It had been close to an hour since she called and her partner was not here. Over the years, she had learned every single way to get to her partner's place and none took this long.

She was already worried about Erin. She didn't think she had to be worried about Jay, but with every second that passed, she felt herself become more and more anxious.

As Erin's cries seemed to get much worse, Hailey let herself into her friend's bedroom, knowing she needed to wake her up. She couldn't stand to hear the desperate sobs any longer.

"Erin?" she said, moving towards Erin's bed. "Hey, it's okay."

Erin let out a small whimper, tangling herself in the sheets. "Jay," she mumbled.

"Erin," Hailey said more forcefully.

"No, no no no," Erin mumbled again.

Before Hailey got closer, Erin shot up, eyes snapping open as she screamed her Jay's name.

Hailey felt frozen, watching as Erin struggled to catch her breath.

"Are you okay?" Hailey asked and at her question, Erin realized she wasn't alone. Her eyes found the blonde's, wild and fearful as she fought to regain a grip on reality.

"Yeah, I," she struggled. "I need to call Jay. I need to hear his voice. I need…"

Hailey's nerves shot up. She hadn't heard from the detective in a while and she was afraid of what could have happened.

"Erin, I've been trying to call him, but," she began as Erin looked up from her phone.

"But what?" she asked, her voice beginning to tremble.

"He should have been here by now."

She could see the moment where Erin's mind jumped to conclusions, the worst-case scenarios ripping through her mind. The tears were forming, and Erin was struggling to keep them at bay.

"Hey," Hailey said, approaching Erin's now shaking frame. "I'm sure he is fine."

Erin started shaking her head, at which point her tears were falling faster.

"Hailey, we need to find him. Cause I can't…," she trailed off. Hailey could guess what was at the end of that sentence. She couldn't, she wouldn't, handle him being gone.

"I'm going to," she promised, before ushering Erin into the living room. Hailey set to work on brewing coffee, knowing they would both be up until Jay got here. She shot off a text again before dialing Antonio's number.

She could hear the TV turn on and the local news droning in the background. Slipping further into the kitchen out of earshot from Erin, she dialed Antonio's number.

"Pick up, pick up," she mumbled under her breath. The fact that that wasn't the first time she had said those words tonight bothered her more than she thought.

"Hello?" mumbled Antonio.

"Antonio," she said, softly but harshly into the phone.

"Upton? It's almost three a.m."

"I know, I know," she said. "But, I need your help."

She wasn't even trying to hide the desperation in her voice. Her worry was through the roof.

"What's wrong?" He sounded more alert now, having clearly picked up on her anxiety. But before she could answer, she heard Erin yelling in the living room.

"Hailey!"

Hailey abandoned the coffee, ignoring Antonio's questions on the phone. She wasn't sure what she was going to see when she walked in and was confused to find Erin standing in front of the TV where the local news was playing. She couldn't make out what they were showing, but she saw flashing lights and a young reporter on the screen.

"What's wrong?" she asked Erin, once again ignoring Antonio.

"Jay…he…his car," Erin stumbled. "Accident."

Erin was scared, and her body was beginning to shake. She was confused, and it must have shown as Erin grabbed the remote and began rewinding the TV. Antonio was becoming panicked based on the tone of his voice.

"Just give me a second Dawson!"

Hailey squinted at the TV, watching as Erin rewound before pausing the program. She was still confused, and Erin finally gave her help, pointing at a vehicle in the crash. It was dark, and the car was dark, but the quality was just good enough to make out the license plate. _1092HP25._

"Shit," Hailey muttered. "Antonio, call Voight. I think Jay's been in an accident."

"I'll call. You call Will. See if Jay is at Med."

Hailey nodded, heading towards her bedroom to get dressed. "Let me know what you hear."

She hung up but stopped when she took in sight of Erin. There were tears streaming down her face. They couldn't see the extent of the damage but not hearing from anyone wasn't a good sign.

"Erin," Hailey said, moving to block her vision of the TV. She grasped the woman by her arms, shaking them slightly to snap her out of whatever trance she was in. "Hey look at me."

Reluctantly she did. Her eyes were beginning to get red from the tears and Hailey could see the worry on her face. But even as she was worried for her partner, she had to be strong for Erin, because there was no telling what would happen. Her rock was not here, so Hailey had to fill in.

"Go get dressed. Something warm. Splash some water on your face. I'll be right back."

Erin nodded before walking to her own room. Hailey let out a sigh, trying to keep her own emotions in check. She quickly dialed Will's number and couldn't be bothered that she clearly woke him up.

"What do you want Hailey?" he mumbled, trying to keep quiet for the sake of Natalie and Owen.

"Jay's been in an accident and we can't find him." That would be enough to have him scrambling out of bed.

"Does Voight know?" he asked, his voice more alert as she heard him talking to Natalie.

"Antonio is calling him. I was supposed to call you."

"Damn okay. I'm going to head to Med now. Are you with Erin?"

Hailey sighed, glad she was in the privacy of her own room.

"Yes, Jay was on his way over here. She was having a nightmare. She woke up needing to call him."

It was Will's turn to sigh. "She's been through the ringer."

"Yeah," Hailey replied, pulling on her boots. "Glad she has Jay in her life."

"Yeah. Now we just have to find him."

* * *

Erin was reaching her breaking point because this couldn't be happening. Jay shouldn't be missing after a car accident. There was very little information coming from the officers on the scene and by the time Ruzek got to the scene, there was no Jay. The responding officers didn't even know it was a covert car until he mentioned it. The crash had killed the engine, causing the lights to shut off.

There was nothing from Will. He was trying his best, but some victims had gone to Med and it was hard to get any information. But he was trying and that was all she could ask for.

Hailey had driven Erin to the district and since they got there, Erin had sat herself in Jay's chair and barely moved. She hadn't said much to anyone, politely declining any offer for food or more coffee.

She was jealous of them all. They were able to busy themselves with finding out where he was, tune out the worries and what ifs. That was all she could think about.

It was sitting there, wrapped up in one of his hoodies she found in his locker, when she realized just how much he meant to her. She couldn't picture a reality where he wasn't with her and she didn't want to be without him. Part of her was punching herself. She should have accepted his offer to live together. It wasn't the first time she had these thoughts. If they were living together, she probably wouldn't have been kidnapped and he wouldn't have been driving at two in the morning to help with her nightmares.

"Shit," she heard Atwater mumbled from beside her. He had been on the phone with Northwestern, trying to see if they treated him. She guessed they hadn't.

Without thinking, she brought her knees up to her chest, wrapping her arms around them to make herself small. It was something she did a lot, but she was always by herself. Even now, as she was surrounded by this makeshift family, she didn't feel the need to hide. If she wanted to let her guard down, she could, and no one would think any different of her.

"What's going on?"

There was such a flurry of information and trying to find Jay, no one had heard the gate buzz open. Everyone was so caught up on their individual mission that they didn't hear someone walking up the stairs and into the bullpen.

Jay's voice barely registered with Erin, who for the first few seconds after he spoke, thought it was her own mind playing a cruel trick on her. But she soon heard Hailey's voice say his name, and her head shot up.

He was there, standing at the top of the stairs, looking around at everyone. His clothes were slightly haphazard, and he had two butterfly stitches on his forehead. Erin could see scratches on his forearms from where his long sleeve Henley left them uncovered. He looked exhausted, clearly in pain but it must not have been much if he was standing here.

"Where the hell have you been?" Antonio asked. Erin still hadn't moved but she could feel the tears building again and her shoulders relaxing slightly.

"The accident on Ashland. The car that got t-boned. There was a little boy, had to be taken to the hospital but was scared to go alone. The paramedics patched me up. I waited around until they found his parents, both are fine."

So that's why no hospital had any record of him. Of course, he had gone with the boy, who was probably terrified. No one was surprised.

"One of the responding officers found me there, said someone from Intelligence was asking about me. How did you know I was there?"

"We saw your license plate on the news," Hailey said. Jay turned towards her and was surprised to see her tough exterior crack, as the worry that consumed her left. Her response ran through his mind. _We._

He saw Hailey's eyes shift towards his desk and he found Erin sitting there, body coiled into a ball and eyes rimmed red. He supposed he would ask how she got his jacket later.

"Erin," he said, his voice softer and cracking slightly. He could barely watch as the dam broke, tears streaming down her face as a choked sob escaped her. Next thing he knew she was coming towards him and even as his body hurt from the accident and the force of her own, he didn't care. He had been so worried about her the last few weeks and it was finally all coming out. The bruises that were sure to appear tomorrow throbbed as she wrapped her arms around his neck and her legs around her torso, but he couldn't bring himself to care.

His eyes shut as he felt her tears on his face. He could feel her body shaking from the fear she must have felt in the last few hours. It was nearing six, leaving probably 3 hours where she had no clue where he was.

"I'm okay, sweetheart," he whispered, the pet name unusual but it felt right. He always felt comforted when his mom said that to him and he hoped to give her the same sense of comfort now.

"I'm okay," he repeated.

He opened his eyes, finding most of his team had left or distracted themselves to give he and Erin privacy, although you couldn't get much standing in the middle of the bull pen. But as his eyes caught Hailey's he mouthed "thank you" to her, once again immensely thankful he had her in his life.

* * *

"Come here," Jay said, loosening his grip on Erin. She released the death grip she seemed to have on him but refused to completely let go. Without much else, he pulled her towards the locker room, hoping no one was there. To his relief, it was empty as he locked the door behind them. He barely had a second to gather his thoughts before Erin's lips were on his, hungry, desperate and loving. He could only assume that she had been dying to do this and after tonight, he would let her do whatever he wanted.

Their kiss was hungry, as neither one of them were in much hurry to let each other go but needed to feel their closeness. Erin's body pressed against his, trapping him between her and the door. He could back her up, but he wanted a moment to relish in this closeness. Her soft curves pressed against his hard form. Two opposites that molded together perfectly.

Because that's what they were. They had come from two different worlds yet that managed to find the missing piece of them in each other. A part of him was disappointed that it had taken this long and these circumstances to bring them to each other, but it was over. It was all over. As far as he was concerned, they had the rest of their lives to make up for it.

"Erin," he whispered against her lips, pulling back enough to mutter her name.

"Yeah," she replied. It was her turn to pull back, her hazel eyes finding his and for the first time in a long time, he didn't see fear or shame or worry. He saw love. That pure, all-consuming and everlasting love that only existed in stories. It was staring back at him in the form of a petite brunette that meant everything to him.

"I love you, so fucking much."

Jay was surprised at the hunger that escaped, but the events of late came crashing down and before she could respond, she was back in his arms, her legs wrapped around his waist. Their lips moved, and their tongues clashed as he walked them further into the locker room and soon her back was pressed against the blue metal of his locker.

"Jay," she whispered as he started kissing and nipping down her neck. He could tell he bit a little too hard, the reaction of the smell of his cologne entering his senses, reminding him that she was wearing his clothes. It was more of a turn on than he expected, but he was so wound up, it only spurred him on. He was in too much of a hurry to bother with taking his time, as he pulled down the v neck tee she wore, exposing the thin bra she had underneath. Yanking it to the side, he all but growled at the sight of black lace contrasting with her pale skin and didn't bother moving the cup before attacking her through the lace. The sounds that escaped her were so different and he could only assume it was from the sensations of the lace on her breast and the warmth of her tongue.

"Need you now," he grit out, his hands moving to pull off the leggings she wore. Erin tried to undo his belt, but her body was shaking too much, and he was too damn impatient that he did it himself. It was only seconds later that she was crying out as he entered her, his owns groans following at the feel of her, tight, warm and slick, and the sensations that took over his body.

All the pent-up emotion had it over before it really started, and Jay quickly captured Erin's mouth in a bruising kiss, trying to silence any sounds of what was happening here. Soon all that was left was the sound of their heavy breathing as they tried to come back down from the high they were on.

"I had a dream, a nightmare really," Erin began, her voice so quiet he almost missed it. "You left me. They took you away, and I, I…" she trailed off, not able to finish her sentence, because finishing it would mean voicing her darkest fear and she couldn't handle it.

"I'm here, I'm right here, sweetheart," he said. "I'm here, you're here and we're both okay."

Erin nodded, her breath becoming shaky as the emotion overwhelmed her. She hugged him closer, needing to be closer but there was zero space between them left, even as he was still inside her. The intimacy of the moment only added to the emotion and the atmosphere.

"It's all over," he murmured, softly kissing the skin on her neck where he could tell a mark formed. He hoped she believed him, that it was finally over, and they could start a normal life.

"Is it?" she asked in a small voice.

"Yes," Jay replied with conviction in his voice. "Because I won't let anything happen to us, again."

"You can't promise me that," she said, moving her grip on his neck. He groaned, her movements shifting her up and down on his dick again. "Not with your job."

"I can't, but I will try my damned hardest to make sure. Because I am not losing you and you are not losing me. That I can promise you."

Both were silent for a moment before Erin nodded.

"Okay, I think I can handle that."

Jay kissed her again, feeling it was the only thing to do in the situation.

"Now what do you say we get out of here," he asked. "Before we have to go for round two."

He was glad it worked because the soft laugh that escaped her was the best sound he ever heard.

"Where are we going?" she asked, disentangling her legs from him. They worked silently to clean themselves up, stealing kisses when they got close enough. Before they could make their escape, he grasped her wrist tugging her back to him.

"We can go anywhere you want, but first," he paused, a smile on his face when he realized his next words.

"You're going home with me."

"I think I would like that," she replied, pecking his lips softly.

"Good, because there's no place I would rather be."


End file.
